Apocalypse Redux

Chapter 33: Impish Antics

“Yes?” he asked, not succeeding at keeping the irritation out of his voice nearly as well as would have liked.

“Is this Isaac Thoma?” a voice that sounded slightly harried asked.

“Yes? And you are?” he asked, practically growling. It was in the middle of the blasted night. Who the hell called at this time?

“This is Polizeimeister Langschwert, I was wondering if you could assist us at this moment.” the man at the other side explained, then giving an address five of blocks south of his apartment “I can send a car to pick you up, it would be there a couple of minutes. I …”

“It’s four in the morning and I’m dead tired.” Isaac interrupted the man “What’s the issue, why is it urgent, and how the fuck do you have my home address or private phone number?”

“There’s a monster locked in a building here, we need to know what it is. I don’t have either of those, I called the university and was forwarded to you because you work with monsters and live nearby.” the man rattled off quickly.

“Ugh.” Isaac groaned, making sure to do so loudly enough for the other man to hear. He couldn’t in good conscience leave a monster running around, not when he was so close.

“I’ll be there in five minutes, no need for the car.” Isaac sighed and rolled out of bed with another groan, hastily dressed and started heading out. The moment he was outside, he phased and dropped through the floor, becoming corporeal three floors down. Now that he was lower to the ground, he could jump the rest of the way without risk, so that’s what he did.

His next phase took him through the building’s outside wall and let him drop onto the street outside, at which point he just took off at a full sprint. It would have looked incredible to anyone watching, but it was the middle of the night and there was no one out here to observe his antics.

He held his phone back up to his ear and spoke into it over the air rushing past him.

“I’m running to meet you, I’ll stay on the phone until then and tell you when I see the lights of your cars.”

The wind rushed past him as he leveraged his Strength and Agility to their utmost. In fact, they were slowly reaching the point where normal cobblestones didn’t provide enough friction for him to just run. Instead, he aimed his feet right at uneven parts, hooking the tip of his shoes against them to yank himself forward.

As soon as they became available, he was buying one of those shoes with an enchantment against slipping.

In hindsight, Isaac should have just gone barefoot. As of right now, there was very little that could damage his feet which wasn’t an actual attack. Caltrops, bear traps, that sort of thing would be a problem, but would they really be lying around on a random sidewalk in the middle of a city?

Soon, the flashing lights of the police cruisers came into view, though there was also a heavier car, somewhat akin to an APC there as well. Clearly, at least some of the SEK was already there.

“Anyway, I’m running in from the north, wearing jeans and a dark navy blue t-shirt. See you in a sec.” he announced over the phone and hung up, slowing his run a little. Sprinting at full tilt towards a group of clearly nervous people was a recipe for accidents, after all.

“Hey there, my name is Isaac Thoma, Polizeimeister Langschwert called me.” he loudly announced “Can someone point me his way?”

“Ah, there you are, thank you for coming.” a surprisingly young looking man replied, walking forward to greet him.

“Polizeimeister Langschwert, I presume?” Isaac asked and when he got a nod in return, he kept talking “Considering how many policemen are here, we’ve clearly got a significant problem on our hands, one you felt you needed some scientific help with. What is it?”

“Basically, a bunch of teenagers decided to play a ‘prank’ on their church’s pastor by summoning a demon right in front of the altar, then run off and lock the creature inside, completely forgetting that those creatures can track their summoners. But somehow, they still managed to keep it inside and get away. But then they started actually using their brains, realized how stupid an idea that was, and turned themselves in.” the policeman explained.

“And what did they say they summoned?” Isaac asked.

“They claimed it was a basic Imp, from a Tier 1 circle.”

“I’m familiar. They’re pretty weak and vulnerable to pretty much anything. You’ve got guns and should be able to kill it no problem. And while I’m always happy to help with situations like this, I gotta ask: what do you need me for?” Isaac asked.

“I called you here because this situation stinks to high heaven. Obviously, the situation might be what it looks like on the surface, but it just seems too convenient. They do something so stupid and immediately come to their senses and do the exact right thing? If a bunch of police officers show up, expecting to face the weakest of monsters and run into something that looks weak but is actually a high Tier monster with exotic powers? It’d be a bloodbath!”

“That sounds like a trap nasty beyond belief. Now, do you want me to handle the situation, or …” Isaac trailed off suggestively. He’d be perfectly happy to deal with anything inside, but he sincerely doubted a police officer would use a civilian for something like that, at least not yet.

“God no!” Langschwert almost yelped, taking a moment to compose himself before continuing “We’d like you to take a look at things, see if you can tell what we’re dealing with, if what we have here is enough or if we need heavy weapons … anything you can tell us would be useful.”

“Did you get a good look at the summoning circle or the monster?” Isaac asked.

“Circle yes, basic Tier 1, monster, only glimpses.” Langschwert said “Thing is, we don’t know if that was actually the circle used. It’s entirely possible that the Tier 1 was placed in a prominent place where we could see it through the window with a drone, but the actual summoning was done by a hidden circle or something. Or even if there’s just one monster.”

“It’s just one, I can hear it scratching around in there.” Isaac shrugged “It’s a light creature, relatively fast but it doesn’t sound physically powerful. Basically, it sounds like what I’d expect an Imp running around a church to sound like. I’ll take a look, though.”

And with that, he started walking forward, heading to a point at the wall near where he could hear it, phased, and stuck his head through.

At this point, [Hunter’s Gaze] simply confirmed what Isaac already knew. A basic Imp, weak beyond measure even by baseline human standards. Sharp claws, low Strength and Fortitude, decent Agility. A bipedal housecat, basically, albeit one that wanted to tear out your throat.

True to form, its head snapped over to glare at him, then it leaped straight at him, claws aiming right for his neck … and he snatched it right out of the air. It dangled from his right hand, which was wrapped around its neck. He squeezed, its neck breaking with a dry crack.

Now, he could also phase it, seeing as it wasn’t a living being, so that’s what he did, drawing back and straightening. Of course, the Imp still dangled limply from his hand.

“Got it.” he called out “Sorry about butting in, but it was right there. I can confirm from both my knowledge base and the kill notification, this is a basic Imp from a Tier 1 circle.”

“Er ... thank you. Sorry about calling you for something like that.” Langschwert apologized, awkwardly scratching at his neck.

“Eh, it’s fine. That sense of paranoia will help keep you alive in the future.” Isaac announced magnanimously “I’m always happy to help the world in a more direct manner, rather than ephemeral improvements through research.”

“Let’s see if you still feel that way after all the paperwork.” Langschwert joked, a little more at ease now.

“Paperwork? Really?”

“’fraid so.”

Isaac’s only response was soft swearing under his breath.

“There is something else you could help me with, though. Could you explain why that Imp wasn’t clawing its way through the walls and going right for its summoner?” Langschwert asked.

“Monsters do eventually lose track of their summoner, though we’re yet to determine what decides when and at what distance that happens. We’ve got a hypothesis that the distance decreases with faster monsters and increases with slower ones, but we have to prove that first. Regardless, we do have theories about a lot of other parts of the summoner-summone relationship.”

“Sorry, this might be a stupid question, but what’s the difference between a hypothesis and a theory?” Langschwert asked.

“A hypothesis is something that a scientist thinks might be the case, then they have to actually prove it. A theory is as certain as anything scientific ever gets, something that has been proven experimentally, gone to review, has seen people try to disprove it and come intact out the other side. But scientists being scientists, they’re still hedging, because they know there’s more to discover. Newtons laws of motion aren’t incorrect, just incomplete, and were expanded upon by Einstein and his Theory of Relativity. Stuff like that.” Isaac explained, using the same example that Patrick had given when he had asked that question.

“Thanks. And about the Imp, anything useful you can tell me about it beyond its name?” Langschwert asked.

“Sure thing.” Isaac said as he took a moment to look around. Someone had already grabbed the Imp and stuffed it somewhere appropriate, and the rest of the gathering was breaking up as well as everyone got ready to return to their respective stations.

“An Imp has human Agility, decent Perception, but sucks in all other respects. No magic to speak of, physically weak and fragile. Basic fodder mob, in essence. Pretty much bottom of the barrel as far as Tier 1s go.”

“And are those just gue- … actually, could we continue this in the car? I’m afraid I’ll need a few signatures from you as our expert witness.” Langschwert asked as he realized that they were practically the only ones still around, save the people guarding the crime scene to keep it fresh for the CSIs, cleaners, or something in that vein.

“Lead the way.” Isaac said, gesturing towards the cars.

Once inside, Langschwert repeated his question.

“So, were those Stats a guess, or do you have some kind of method to get actual numbers?”

“So-so. I have an upgraded [Inspect] that lets me get a rough overview of a creature’s Stats, but no concrete values.”

“[Inspect]?” Langschwert frowned, hard.

“A [Skill] you get once you evolve your [Class] at Level 10, along with one for blocking it.” Isaac explained. Now, it was his turn to frown. Had no one told the cops about that?

“Ah.”

That wordless statement answered that, didn’t it?

“And when you said bottom of the barrel Tier 1, does that mean there are dangerous ones?” Langschwert asked, snapping his fingers as he suddenly remembered it.

“Actually, yes.”

“Could you give me a list?” Langschwert asked, practically throwing his notepad at Isaac.

“Sure thing.” he said as he began to write, explaining all the while “Tier 1 creatures are basically weird looking animals with anger issues, not something someone with a gun should be worried about. The problem are creatures with standout qualities, who are extremely strong in one area even if they suck ass in all other respects. A Slate Golem can be outrun by a snail but can tank a few rifle bullets. Acid Slimes die if you sneeze on them but if one gets within striking distance, you’re dead. Ephemeral beings can’t do much damage, but they’re almost invulnerable to anything that isn’t enhanced by magic.”

“Well, fuck.” Langschwert sighed, seemingly unaware that he’d said that out loud.

“Now it’s my turn to ask a question, though. What’s going on with the dumbasses who caused this whole mess?” Isaac asked.

“Massive fines, mandatory psychiatric counseling, community service. At least if they’re found guilty. I just hope it gets the point across. They’re currently cooling their heels at the station, waiting for their parents to come pick them up.” Langschwert sighed again.

“Have you considered scaring them straight?” Isaac suggested.

“As much fun as having you jump through the wall might be, that would be pretty illegal.” Langschwert grumbled.

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a stern talking to from a wounded warrior, who explains in excruciating detail just how badly that could have gone for them.” Isaac said, turning to face the other man and activated [Hundred Faces].

His grin became wider and wider, unnaturally so, while making one of his eyes look incredibly bloodshot and hard to even look at. Nasty.

“Oh, I wish. Would be funny, but scaring the hell out of minors is best done with the parent’s permission and by someone with psychiatric qualifications.”

“A man can dream.” Isaac sighed.

“Yup.”

The car pulled up in front of the police station a couple of minutes later and Isaac got out while Langschwert parked.

“I’m really sorry about this, but even after all the help, you’ll still need to fill out that paperwork.”

“If I were afraid of paperwork, I wouldn’t have become a scientist.” Isaac just sighed “Let’s get this over with.”

What followed was over an hour of giving witness statements, signing reports, and beginning the process of setting up a way to get the cops the creature information they were gathering over at the university.

Well, that, and just in general trying to shore up as many gaps in their knowledge that were actually important. After all, the cops had gotten copies of a million different reports without a true awareness of what was actually important.

In the end, he stumbled into bed half an hour before he had to get up for work. Time to take a catnap, then sleep on the job, he supposed.