Because I Cannot Hurt You

Chapter 532 Pain is pain!

Shuang blinked and stared at him. It took a while for her to register his words.

Like Xiaosi?

Jack chuckled at her reaction. "Your expression is funny, Shuang. It feels strange, right? You had feelings for Xiaosi and now you know that I had too. In a sense, we are supposed to be rivals. Not that it means anything because Xiaosi is happily married."

When it finally settled, Shuang froze and took a sharp gasp.

"Y-you you…"

There were not many things which could shake Shuang that hard. But this was unimaginable. Even when Michael told her about Jack's orientation, it didn't strike her that he could have liked Xiaosi at one point.

Jack laughed and shook his head. "It's okay. You don't have to be so shocked. I am over it now."

Shuang felt a lump in the back of her throat. "W-was it the time when you met Xiaosi?"

"Yeah, pretty much. When I met him as a patient, I treated him like a patient. Love wasn't instantaneous. But time flew by and we became good friends. I learned about his circumstances - both with Caihong and his past with his parents. In a way, I connected to him because my relationship with my parents was complicated too. It wasn't anywhere like what Xiaosi had, but it was something common between us."

Shuang kept quiet.

Jack's gaze seemed distant as a smile formed on his lips. "I couldn't believe it when I came to know what happened between them. He could go this far to protect Caihong and keep his silence over the matter because he wanted her to hate him. Then when he learned that Caihong was expecting and had problems with her pregnancy, he didn't hesitate to choose to abort his child."

He leaned back on his seat and said, "I think it was that time when I saw him differently. I watched that it killed him to make that decision. His eyes were wet in grief but firm with resolve. If Caihong was going to die, then he didn't want to risk it. He was ready to give up on his child. He didn't even think twice even if it had pained him to lose his child. His selfless love attracted me to him, and I wondered if I could find a partner like that…"

Jack sadly smiled. "He had resigned himself to live with her hatred. Now, he had steeled his heart to live without a child forever too. That was his only chance to experience fatherhood, but he was ready to give it up even if he knew that he would never have a shot at it again. And I wondered…just how far could a man go for the sake of his love? Till how far was he ready to torture himself? That sense of sacrifice and selflessness shook me," he chuckled, "I didn't realize when I began to have a crush on him. I couldn't help it. He is just too good to… not fall in love with."

Shuang felt her vision become blurry, and her heart pained as it beat.

"But it didn't matter. He was married and was going to become a father. Even if he had problems in his marriage, I had no intentions to come between them and take advantage of Caihong's hatred. Xiaosi had his heart set on her. He wouldn't have ever given anybody else a chance. Plus, he isn't interested in men. It was a lost battle through and through. I just accepted my feelings and the reality and moved on. And trust me, okay? I was the happiest when Chyou was born," he brightened.

"She was this cute little angel. I couldn't tear my eyes off her," Jack squealed. "She was so chubby and adorable. I have spent so much time with her that I am like her second father now. I don't mean it in that sense obviously."

He saw the tears in Shuang's eyes and widened his own. "Hey! Don't cry."

He hastily leaned and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "It's all in the past now. I am over him, and I genuinely like you."

She bit her lip hard. She gazed at Jack, who still had the same warmth in his eyes and smile as if it wasn't hurting him at all.

She always thought that she had it the hardest. She loved Xiaosi, but he was devoted to Caihong. It was the worst feeling ever to compete with her own sister. She had to give up even before she could act on her feelings because Xiaosi had made it crystal clear.

But even in the far future, if Xiaosi and Caihong had separated hypothetically, she thought she could at least have a shot at having Xiaosi in her life. It would be a treacherous path, no doubt. But she could at least hope that such a day might arrive.

But Jack didn't have that liberty at all.

He was a man, and Xiaosi's sexual orientation wasn't ever going to change. He wasn't interested in men, and he would never be. He didn't even have the liberty to wish for any future between them.

Falling in love with a straight man was heartbreaking because you could never be his potential love interest. His gender and Xiaosi's orientation had made it impossible right from the start.

There might have come a day when Xiaosi would have chosen Shuang if things became worse.

But not Jack. Never Jack.

He was just a friend. He was always and only going to be Xiaosi's friend.

When all these thoughts floated in her mind, she couldn't help but tremble. Suddenly, she realized that she actually had it too easy all along. Jack was even in a worse situation than her.

At least, Xiaosi knew my feelings…But him…

She sprung up on her feet and rushed to hug him. She let her tears flow as she hugged his head to her chest.

Jack coughed. "Shuang, please stop crying. It's not heartbreaking now-"

"But it was before, right?"

Silence.

"Don't pretend to be so strong, idiot. So, what if you are a man? You still have a heart in your chest that beats and can get hurt. Gender has nothing to do with it. Pain is pain whether you are a man or a woman!"