Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Chapter 30: Stoneants (1)

A stoneant looked very similar to a regular ant, if a regular ant was the size of a Gods-bedamned Rottweiler. It had a hard grey exoskeleton with significantly more spikes than your average ant deserved. A serrated set of pincers, and a pair of fuchsia compound eyes completed the set. It otherwise looked and behaved like a regular ant, complete with an obsessive desire to defend its nest.

A nest we had just blown a hole into.

“Hold tha line!” A dwarf in plate mail shouted. He swung an axe and sheared the antenna off of a stoneant specimen with a head nearly as big as its body. It was double the size of the other stoneants, and I clinically wondered if it was a soldier ant. The four guards were standing shoulder to shoulder with their shields up, swinging their axes with abandon. Every once in a while, one of them would shout out a Milestone. I don’t think shouting is necessary to activate Milestones, but it feels really good.

“[Advanced Slash]!”

“[Wide Cleave]!”

“[Flaming Axe]!”

“[Meteor Hammer]!”

That last one made a fairly large explosion as a burning hammer spun into the mass of insects and blew up. Wind rushed down the tunnel back towards us and we were momentarily blinded as the dust picked up. The hole in the chittering horde had already filled with more ants by the time I finished clearing out the dust from my eyes.

“This could be bad.” Copperpot observed.

“Are ye mad?!” Grim exclaimed. “There’s too many of ‘em! We must ‘ave blasted into a nest!” He turned to run back up the tunnel and then stopped. “We’ll never outrun em! We need ta stick together!”

“Yes, the guards should be fine. I can protect myself, but I am worried about my students, and ah…” Copperpot looked at Balin and I, “I do hope you don’t die.”

“Oh, don’t mind us. I think we’re both in shock. Balin?” I went to poke him in the side. Except… he wasn’t there.

“Ya buggers!” Balin smashed a pick he’d gotten from who-knows-where onto the head of a stoneant. It had scrabbled through a guard’s legs, and he’d barely stopped it from chomping on a cowering dwarf in coveralls. “You tryin’ to keep me from mah Annie!?”

“Balin’s fine, I guess?” He smashed a soldier ant into the wall and stood back-to-back with the plated guards. I knew Balin was good in a fight, but holy scrap! I pointed up at the roof of the tunnel, “He’s fine, but we’re not!”

A stream of ants was now advancing along the ceiling. The first wave dropped ineffectually onto the line of guards and were promptly torn apart. The second wave landed behind them and charged at the unprotected grad students. Lillyweather cried “[Safety Shield]!” and a dome of translucent light surrounded them. The ants smashed their pincers futiley against the shield, which began to quiver.

“Not good, that won’t last longer than a few seconds.” Copperpot pulled out a small vial and tossed it at the ants. It exploded over the backs of a half dozen of them, and they began to keen as their carapaces melted.

“By the unholy yams of Yearn! What was that stuff?” I cried as the ants’ bodies smoked and fell apart. Balin stepped forward and finished the last of them. Lillyweather’s shield winked out a moment later and the students scrambled towards us.

“Acid taken from a pitchervore. Guard Captain Morris, this isn’t working!” Copperpot shouted at the line of guards.

A dwarf with an especially impressive set of pauldrons turned his head. “We need a more defensible position! Engineering Professor Copperpot, get everyone back and into a dive tunnel!”

“Damn! Pete, Administrator Grim, you two know this mine, where can we make a stand?”

“I was just minin’ this section,” I held up a hand. “There’s a dive two tunnels up, about a hundred meters back. It has a narrow opening, but we pulled a lot of ore out of it, so it should fit everyone.”

“Good, we’ll head for that. Grim, is help on the way?”

“I’ve already called fer reinforcements with my emergency commstone.”

“How long?”

“The entire camp is comin down the tunnel. Maybe 10 minutes?” Grim rasped, his voice tight with fear.

I looked numbly at my ‘Survive’ quest. Twelve minutes remained, so that was about right. It was at that moment that an especially large soldier ant crashed over the guards and launched itself at us. Copperpot shouted “[Safety Shield]!” and he, Grim, and several students were enveloped in grey light. That didn’t help Lillyweather, who was holding up the rear. The ant landed beside her and turned a pair of wicked mandibles in her direction. It lunged, and Lillyweather screamed.

My body moved unconsciously. Every fibre in my being was yelling at me to run away, but as Lillyweather cried out, all I could hear was Sammy crying for her daddy. I reached out and pulled Lillyweather into my arms as the mandibles closed around us.

“[Flesh to Stone]!”

---

Balin gasped, his arms aching. His pick had been torn from his hands by a worker stoneant, and a lucky grab for a guard’s spare axe had been the only thing that saved him from a vicious strike by a soldier stoneant twice his size. His return riposte had cleanly sliced the offending pincers in half and ichor now dripped from his clothes.

“Yer doin great greenhorn!” One of the guards shouted as he activated a Milestone that tore a line through the mass of stoneants.

“Thankee!” Balin heaved and his axe cut through another couple of workers in a single blow. “I’ve got lots of practice swingin’ an axe!”

“Haha! He’s a natural!” Another guard laughed heartily as an enormous soldier stoneant crashed into him. “[Shield Wall]!” He shouted, and the ant was repelled with a clang of metal.

Balin glanced around at what he assumed were official Titled [Guards]. The majority of the stoneants were being rebuffed by the oddly cheerful wall of steel. Thank Lunara the City Administration had sent them to ensure nothing went wrong. It looked like they might be able to hold the ants here long enough for everyone else to escape up the tunnel –

An ant dropped onto his back from above, and Balin ripped it off with an “Argghh!” He was fast, but it wasn’t fast enough to keep the ant from biting into his shoulder. The chain sewn into the suit kept his arm from being torn off, but he still received a nasty gash.

“Gods damn this damn suit!” Balin wanted to rip the fool thing off, but it was the only thing he had that resembled some form of armour. “I never shoulda let Pete talk me into wearin’ it!” Wait… where had that stoneant come from? Balin looked up.

A solid stream of stoneants was climbing along the ceiling. The guards hadn't noticed because their plate helmets kept them from looking up. Any ants that landed on them simply bounced off their armor, but the real problem was…

“[Safety Shield]!” Lilyweather’s cry caused Balin to whip around. The students were being assaulted by nearly a dozen stoneants. He rushed to their aid as a bottle crashed into the heaving mass of insects and they began to smoke and melt. With a guttural cry, Balin waded in and cleared out the remaining ants. He stood there and struggled for breath in the acrid smoke as a dozen more ants began to crawl along the walls.

“Guard Captain Morris, this isn’t working!” Copperpot shouted.

The dwarf standing at the head of the formation turned his head and shouted back. “We need a more defensible position! Engineering Professor Copperpot, get everyone back and into a dive tunnel!”

Balin braced to receive the new wave of workers as they dropped from the ceiling. He swung his axe in arc after arc just as he’d learned as a carpentry apprentice. He imagined them as trees, felled in a single swing.

A pincer came at his face and Balin blocked it with a forearm. It bit deep, but the bracer built into the suit kept it from taking his arm. He killed the offending insect for the insult.

Suddenly, an enormous soldier ant barreled over the guards and past Balin. He felt it brush by him, and the world fell into slow motion.

A translucent shield popped into existence around Copperpot.

Lillyweather screamed as she was bumped backwards and fell towards the gigantic stoneant.

Pete reached out and grabbed the gnomess in his arms.

The two of them were engulfed by the enormous pincers.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Balin cried. He wasn’t going to lose his family to monsters again! HE’D SWORN HE’D NEVER LOSE ANYONE EVER AGAIN!

A set of pincers grabbed Balin’s ankle from behind and he kicked viciously, tearing free. Another jaw clamped onto his arm, and he simply whipped the stoneant up and used it to bludgeon another out of the air as it launched at him. Balin swung his axe at the enormous soldier stoneant’s back and it bounced off the heavily armoured exoskeleton.

He wasn’t strong enough. He hadn’t been strong enough to save his sister. He hadn’t been strong enough to save Pete. He hadn’t been strong enough to save his mum.

Balin wept tears of rage at the unfairness of it, at the world, and at the Gods.

*bing*

Your deep love and righteous rage have caught the attention of Yearn.

She wishes to grant you her Blessing. If you accept, you can receive a Title.

Do you accept

Yes/No

YES.

Balin barely registered his decisions as time continued to pass, moment by excruciating moment.

You have accepted the Blessing of Yearn! You have gained [Stealth] and [Sense Emotions]

Your charisma has increased by 1

Your wisdom has increased by 1.

Your Blessings from Tiara and Yearn can be merged into a Title!

Do you wish to gain a Title?

Yes/No

YES.

Congratulations!

Please choose two Blessings to combine into a Title!

Yearn of Nether and Tiara of Matter

[Stealth] and [Strength of All: Self] will combine into the Title [Destroyer]

A [Destroyer] can crush steel in their palm and destroy stone with a thought.

A [Destroyer] fears nothing and wears terror as a cloak

Do you wish to become a [Destroyer]?

Yes/[No]

NO.

Yearn of Nether and Tiara of Possessions

[Stealth] and [Strength of All: Held] will combine into the Title [Swindler]

A [Swindler] can convince anyone to give up all they have in return for nothing.

A [Swindler] manipulates the spirit just as easily as the truth.

Do you wish to become a [Swindler]?

Yes/No

NO.

Yearn of Relationships and Tiara of Possessions

[Strength of All: Held] and [Sense Emotions] will combine into the Title [Butler]

A [Butler] cares for the spirit, spark, and home of the one they choose to serve.

A [Butler] can cook, clear, and clean at great speed without a single broken plate.

Do you wish to become a [Butler]?

Yes/No

NO.

Yearn of Relationships and Tiara of Matter

[Strength of All: Self] and [Sense Emotions] will combine into the Title [Knight]

A [Knight] is a shining hero to the weak and a fearsome enemy to the strong.

A [Knight] can turn the tide of battle and bring hope where all is lost.

Do you wish to become a [Knight]?

Yes/No

YES.

Congratulations! You have chosen to gain the [Knight] Title!

[Strength of All: Self] has transformed into [Heroic Moment]

[Sense Emotions] has transformed into [Challenge]

[Heroic Moment]

A true [Knight] can wield incredible strength at just the right moment. This Blessing lasts for five minutes and can be used twice a day.

[Challenge]

You can twist the emotions of another and demand they face you in a battle of arms or wits. This Blessing can be used twice an hour.

Gaining a Title has granted you the ability to choose a Milestone!

Please accept one of the following:

[Stop Bleeding]

You can staunch your wounds and prevent them from bleeding further. You can use this ability once per hour.

Do You Accept This Milestone?

Yes/No

NO.

[Resist Acid]

Your body becomes resistant to the caustic effects of most acids. This ability is always available.

Do You Accept This Milestone?

Yes/No

NO.

[Basic Cleave]

You can cut through many enemies in a single blow. You can use this ability once per minute.

Do You Accept This Milestone?

Yes/No

NO.

[Shining Armour]

Your body is encased in a set of shining steel armour. This ability can be used once per day. The armor disappears if it is removed.

Do You Accept This Milestone?

Yes/No

YES.

The world snapped back into focus. Balin roared, “[Heroic Moment],[Shining Armour],[Challenge]! Turn and face me ya bastard!”

The soldier stoneant opened its slavering maw and a pair of bodies clattered to the ground with a *crack*. It wheeled on Balin, opening a pair of jaws to a span thrice his height. Balin’s axe swung upwards in a blur and the ant was nearly flipped backwards as an enormous crack formed on its face. It reared back downwards, screeching, but each wicked pincer was caught in a shining gauntlet.

“I’ll never let you take ‘em from me again!” With a ferocious burst of strength Balin wrenched sideways and the soldier stoneant’s head was torn from its body in a spray of ichor.