Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy

Chapter 215: My Name Is... (3)

It felt like time had stopped for a moment. If it weren't for the faint sound of sniffling, I would have thought it really happened.

What on earth?

I felt like I was going to lose it. Was I drunk, too? Maybe I was so drunk that my ears had malfunctioned or something. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.

It was the 1st Manager. I had never imagined hearing a confession from anyone, let alone from her. I couldn't have imagined the three earlier confessions that had already shaken me, but this was on another level.

For two years, I had experienced every possible situation with the 1st Manager and had developed a mix of love and hate. I saw our relationship as more of a family bond than anything romantic.

It was just me, then.

Apparently, I was the only one who thought of our workplace as a kind of family. Or maybe the 1st Manager thought so too, but the problem was that for her, this family was meant to be a couple rather than siblings.

I almost sighed instinctively, but I quickly bit my lip. Sighing now would only tear apart the 1st Manager’s already fragile mental state.

I’m already torn apart.

Suddenly, I felt a surge of resentment. It honestly felt like I was going crazy too, so why should I have to take care of someone else’s sanity?

Of course, I had to. No matter how annoying and difficult she might be, she was still my subordinate. She had been one of the few to support me when I first became a manager and the Finance Department was still in chaos.

Suppressing my complicated feelings, I checked on the 1st Manager. She just let her tears fall silently, trying to stifle her sobs while looking up at me with tear-stained eyes.

The silence was scarier. I almost wished she would just yell at me like before.

"My name is... Elizabeth... not 1st Manager, but Elizabeth!"

Hearing her anguished voice in my mind made me feel bitter, but at least I understood the pain she had been holding in.

Yes, names were important. How heartbreaking and sad must it be when the person you loved didn’t even call you by your name?

I never imagined that I would be the person she loved, but still, it was my fault.

I didn’t see this coming.

My small habit had turned into a huge problem. I should have called her by her name at least in private.

Sighing internally for what seemed like the hundredth time, I pulled out a handkerchief from my pocket. Her makeup was smudged, and she looked like a mess.

I reached out and gently wiped her face. Then, I noticed a glimmer of hope in the 1st Manager’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

I apologized for the pain she had held inside for two years because I hadn’t called her by her name, but she seemed to interpret my apology differently; the hope in her eyes quickly turned to despair.

“Oh... oh no...”

Despite my efforts, tears began to flow from her eyes again.

“E-Executive Manager...!”

“Hey, don’t move so suddenly!”

Trembling, she tried to stand up but immediately fell down. She had been sitting for too long and her legs were weak. Apart from that, she was also drunk, making it hard for her to steady herself.

It happened so suddenly that I couldn’t catch her in time.

“...Are you okay?”

Seeing her groan on the floor made me sigh. Why does she keep showing me such pitiful sights?

But the 1st Manager didn’t seem to care about my concern. She grabbed the hem of my clothes with trembling hands, looking up at me desperately.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry... It’s my fault...”

She repeated her apology, clutching my clothes tighter as if afraid that I would leave her.

She was clearly misunderstanding something. Perhaps she took my apology negatively.

Seeing her repeat the same words like a broken record made me speechless. I needed to explain it to her quickly, but I missed the right timing.

“Hic—I’m sorry for being so cheeky, for n-not listening to you, for always doing weird things...Hic—I’m sorry…”

Seemingly terrified by my silence, the 1st Manager became even more frantic, her words becoming more incoherent.

“I’m sorry... I—I was wrong... I thought being friendly and acting like family would make you like me more...”

Her words brought back memories of the past two years. She had indeed followed the ‘let’s be casual’ rule better than anyone.

“I’m sorry for overstepping and for being annoying...! I just liked you so much... I thought you wouldn’t notice me otherwise...!”

Tears mixed with her words as she spoke with rising emotion.

She had certainly caught my attention with her antics. However, whether that was the attention she wanted was another matter.

Seeing her now, it was clear that I hadn’t given her the response she was hoping for.

“I’ll listen to you from now on. I won’t be cheeky or overstep...!”

My own mouth remained stubbornly closed as she continued.

This was the first time. I had never seen the 1st Manager look so desperate and miserable before. Even when she was nervous, she always managed to force a relaxed smile. No matter what happened, she would always laugh it off.

“So please, just one chance, just give me one chance…”

She pleadingly raised one of her hands which had been clutching my clothes, her index finger trembling as she raised it. Her smile looked like it would shatter with a single touch.

“I-I’ll do better if you give me just one chance! I’ll listen, I-I’ll do what you say, and if you tell me to be quiet, I’ll be quiet…”

“1st Manager.”

My mouth finally opened, but once again, I called her by the title that had stuck for two years.

“I promise! I promise I’ll really do so well that you’ll be surprised! I’ll do amazingly well! So, please, please…”

The smile she had tried so hard to keep crumbled instantly. The expression on the 1st Manager’s face was oddly familiar. Where had I seen that again?

Yes, it was before I possessed this body. That was the same expression that the children in the orphanage searching for their mother had, even though they knew they’d been abandoned and would never see her again.

Damn it.

Why did I have to see that expression here?

“No matter how many times it takes... please, don’t just say you’re sorry or that you hate me…”

The 1st Manager lowered her head, her shoulders shaking. Then, the sobbing started. It was like the crying of a child who couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“…Elizabeth.”

I draped my coat over her shoulders.

This time, I managed to call her by her name. Someone might have died if I had called her ‘1st Manager’ again.

She looked up, surprised.

“Can we talk for a bit?”

First, I needed to clear up this strange misunderstanding.

***

I used to have a habit of calling other civil servants only by their titles. After sending off those guys from the North and Hecate left my side, I avoided calling other civil servants by their names. After all, the people I got close to by name all disappeared.

So, I stuck to titles. Whether in public or private and whether I knew them well or not, I always used titles.

Yes, I used to do that. But now—

"That's not the case anymore."

It was a superstition that was practically meaningless now. I just kept it up out of habit.

And the habit of not calling names out of fear of death? It was a superstition that was hard to keep up for long.

If that were true, I’d be calling the Crown Prince’s name all the time.

Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert. I could shout that bastard’s name 30 times a day.

“But, Executive Manager, you always call us by our titles…”

“It’s just a habit.”

Maybe it was because my mind was stronger than I thought or maybe I had already found peace, but the superstition faded quickly.

Especially after confiding in Marghetta, it almost disappeared. Some people said that these things could last a lifetime, but two years wasn’t that long.

Even so, I stuck to the titles out of convenience.

“Besides, there wasn’t anyone to call by name.”

Right after the war when I became the Executive Manager of the Prosecutors’ Office, there weren’t any civil servants close enough for me to call by name.

The Minister? Who would call their superior, who was old enough to be their father, by their name?

Other Executive Managers? They were much older than me, and we weren’t close enough for first names.

As for the other civil servants, calling them by name would have made them nervous, like a child hearing their full name from their parents on report card day.

“Then, what about us…?”

I scratched my head as I looked at the 1st Manager, whose eyes were still brimming with tears. There wasn’t a special reason. It was just easier.

Calling her name took four syllables, Lafayette took three. But calling them 1st Manager and 2nd Manager was much simpler. Besides, wasn’t it a bit awkward when a boss called you by your first name?

I’d feel uneasy if the Minister called me Carl instead of ‘hey, you.’

"I'm sorry. I should have called you by your name."

"..."

The 1st Manager remained silent despite my heartfelt apology.

Understanding how she felt, I waited patiently. Considering she had mistaken my apology for a rejection and cried alone, she probably wanted to escape right now.

After a few attempts to speak, the 1st Manager nodded and looked at me.

"Then, does that mean I'm not dumped yet...?"

"Yes."

At those words, she burst into tears again.

This was driving me crazy.

***

I woke up with a headache.

Then, the vivid memories of yesterday rushed back like a storm.

"My name is... Elizabeth... not 1st Manager, but Elizabeth!"

Ah, no way...

"But still... Not being called by my name by the man I love... do you know how sad that is?"

Please, no...

“I-I’ll do better if you give me just one chance! I’ll listen, I-I’ll do what you say, and if you tell me to be quiet, I’ll be quiet…”

Aaah...

“No matter how many times it takes... please, don’t just say you’re sorry or that you hate me…”

Aaaaaaaahhh!!!

I’ve gone crazy!

The unbearable memories made my hands and feet tremble, and my body curled up.

I lost it. I really lost it because of the alcohol. I couldn’t distinguish between what should be said and what should be kept forever.

And then, my struggling body froze as I remembered the Executive Manager’s words.

"I can’t give you an answer right away. I haven’t responded to the person who confessed first."

"Even though you’ve acted out, not listened, and done strange things—"

"Hmph..."

"I’ve grown quite fond of you. I’ll seriously consider it."

I touched the shoulder that the Executive Manager patted back then.

Seriously...

A smile crept up. The Executive Manager said he would seriously consider forming a relationship with me. He said he would seriously think about my confession.

Then, wasn’t the outcome obvious? There was no way the Executive Manager would reject someone as perfect as me, right?

“No matter how many times it takes... please, don’t just say you’re sorry or that you hate me…”

Just as my confidence started to swell, the instinctive memory of my embarrassing behavior made me flail around in bed again.

It was over. My confidence and dignity as a woman crumbled that day. Now, I’d have to live as a complete subordinate in front of the Executive Manager.

Kicking the blanket off my body, I began my energetic morning when the communication crystal next to me lit up.

"...Who is it?"

Hoping it might be the Executive Manager, I answered with trembling hands.

— It's me.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the Executive Manager but Senior.

Still, this was good timing. I needed to tell her about my successful confession, anyway.

...Though the murderous look in her eyes was a bit scary, Senior had helped me a lot.

"Senior, I actually had something to tell you."

— What, your last words? You should save those for your family.

"I confessed to the Executive Manager."

Senior’s eyes widened in surprise at my /genesisforsaken