Collide Gamer

Chapter 109 – Arc 3 Epilogue – Breaking

John was on his knees on the ground, eyes nailed at the empty piece of his Interface. He was roughly aware of where he was, the Mobile Barrier Herman had set up, but he didn’t care. Her name had to appear again. Any second. It had to. It. Had. To. It. Had. To. It. Had. To. It. Had. To. It….

“What happened?” Somebody asked. John slowly looked over to Herman. The apothecary had a worried expression. He walked towards John.

“You….” The Gamer rose up and grabbed Herman by the collar, “YOU LIAR!” He shook him as he shouted, “You said that Thana would die without the container! She killed them! She killed all of them!”

A part of John knew that the medic wasn’t to blame, he had come here following John’s request after all. That part of him was drowned out by the all-encompassing anger that filled him right now. Anger at Herman for telling him something so gravely wrong, anger at himself for getting into this situation, anger at Travolta for giving him a last wish that led to this, anger at Thana for doing this despite him trying to help her. Yes, it had to be her fault. How could doing the right thing go this wrong?

“All dead…. She is still alive?” Herman was aghast, his eyes wide in shock. At this moment John remembered that Herman’s friends were still down there, not his. “That is impossible,” he stated. Was he in as much denial as he was? The still reasonable part of John managed to whisper before being drowned in sorrow.

“Yes, and who knows when she will come up here.” John started walking away, he wanted nothing more to do with this. There was nothing left to say or to do. Without Rave he was once again alone in this world. Just a guy who got bullied at school for his gaming hobby, no, he was worse off than before. He still had to break the news to Regan. With a blank face, he walked away. He dismissed his Elementals. Aclysia was somewhere behind him. Herman said nothing. No one said anything to him, despite the state of his clothes. The entire train ride, he was incapable of thinking. The entire walk to the house, he was incapable of thinking. Time passed without his consent.

A selfish part of him hoped that the Abyss Auctioneer wasn’t home. That he was on one of his many journeys. Fate however spared him no hardships today. “Oh, hey, future son in law!” Regan joked as he opened the door to his house, “What is u…?” Regan’s mouth closed as he saw John’s tormented expression. “What happened?” he changed his question with a serious tone.

Ten minutes later they sat at the breakfast table. John’s expression was still vacant, Regan had his face hidden behind his hands and was just sitting there. Neither of them was crying. “I should have never gotten in touch with them.” Regan mumbled, “And I should just kill you.”

“You can’t.” John mumbled as an answer, “She died so that I could live. I am not letting anyone take it away from me.”

Aclysia quietly poured tea into two cups.

“I am…my little girl….” Regan said, “All just because I wanted to help Travolta. I….” He ignored the tea in front of him and got up. Halfway out of the room, he suddenly stopped for a moment. He pulled his phone from his pocket. After tapping around on it for a moment, he placed it in front of John. John saw the thumbnail and recognized Rave in front of the wall inside the gaming shop. It had been better days, their relationship was young and happy, Travolta was still alive, their greatest worry disagreements over 40K. “Watch it when you are ready, I am going for a smoke.”

John knew that he wouldn’t see Regan for a while, taking a smoke was probably just the start of a long list of coping mechanisms. He might have lost a lot of people in his life but losing his own daughter must have been something else. John could begin to imagine. He had lost the same beautiful girl, after all.

John heard a distant door close and stared at the video. He was afraid. He knew when this was taken, he had an idea why, if he watched it could he keep these feelings of anger and grief under control? Aclysia took the decision from him and tapped on the screen once.

“Hey!” Rave’s recorded voice echoed from the phone, she was looking like she always had, pink hair, a happy-go-lucky expression. She waved at the camera. “So, Dad is forcing me to do this dumb video. Argues that it will help get over some rough times or that I can show it at our wedding or whatever. Stupid old man. Pff-hahahaha, ya should see his expression right now, he is holding the camera if you’re wondering….” Her expression darkened a bit as she looked down on her hands in her lap as she sat on the sofa. She chose her words more carefully, “But, well, this is the Abyss and all so he is probably right about the rough times at least…. You know I like you, right?”

His eyes became watery as the first tears broke through, he wiped them aside, he didn’t want to miss a second of this, he also ignored the vibrations in his pocket, whatever his mother, SB, or some random asshole wanted had to wait.

“Like, in all the time I’ve been alive, all these nineteen, uhm twenty in a few days, I guess, urgh, I hate my birthday, it’s a really sucky day… I am just trying to get away from saying it, aren’t I? This whole feely stuff is super annoying. So, in all of my life I was only ever really afraid about losing a few things. Despite the fact that I hate them I never wanted to lose my mother or my sister, they are annoying but still family. And I never, ever want to lose my dad…. Now I kinda want to because he is grinning so dumbly.

“I thought I could never feel something like that for someone else. Then you came along. You and your stupid gaming addiction, overthinking the most basic things and with all of your constant nagging about things you don’t understand. You are so useless, John, you know that?”

Rave rubbed her eyes and sniffled a bit, the buzzing in John’s pants finally ceased as his tears rolled down his face freely just as Rave’s broke through on the screen.

“But I am useless too. I know that I don’t always think things through, that I jump into action first and ask questions later, that I tend to duke it out instead of talking and that that gets me into trouble because I appear stupid confident most of the time. The way we are useless together just works. I have no idea why, but it does. That is why I am so afraid of losing you.” They were both crying, distanced through times, one for what she had and one for what he had lost.

“I never felt this way about anyone, I hate this, I don’t feel this way about Jimmie, or Travolta, or anybody else I know. I would be sad losing them but I grew up with the constant risk of losing people, I am prepared. But I can’t lose you. John, I lo-“

The video was interrupted by the infernal noise that was a standardized phone call. John was lost in tears and grief and now confusion. He stared at Regan’s phone, reading the name on the display: ‘Jane’.

He ignored the fact that it wasn’t his phone without a second thought. Damned be logic, could she still be alive? If Observe could be wrong why not his Group Interface. She had to have escaped, she had to. He picked up and almost shouted into the phone.

“Jane? Are you…..” He was interrupted by a noise he never wanted to hear again. The low-key giggling of a pained voice.

“Hi,” said the maddened girl on the other side, “I was about to wonder if I misunderstood how this thing works.”

And just like that all of John’s hope was replaced with hatred. “Thana.” He spat.

“Fucking right I am. Who am I talking to, by the way? I am searching for a John Newman but the cocksucker just won’t pick up so I went through the whole pissing list and I reaaallyyy am tired of lying to people. But hey, you know this fucked up name of mine so you must be the shit-ant that ran away, right? Excuse me by the way I just discovered cursing and it makes my life a whole fucking lot more comfortable.”

“What do you want?” John ignored everything else.

“ME? Hahahaaha.” She laughed loudly into the phone. Her voice suddenly collapsed into a sob. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I just want to die. Which is a topic for right fucking now!” The sudden aggressiveness gave him whiplash. “I’m dying, I’m fucking dying and I want to die feeling something. Thank you, thank you for letting me feel something.” There was the sound of something being lifted. Incredibly casual, she continued. “I had a look at your mana and thought: ‘Hey, that fucker might have potential.’ Sadly, you got away but not so sadly these little machines exist nowadays. Took me a bit of torture to find out though.”

“Do you ever stop talking?”

“NO! YOU INCONSIDERATE CUNT!” Thana screamed at him, “I have been in constant pain for 93 years, I forgot how this mouth WORKED for the first few minutes of getting out of that tank! You should know! You were there!”

“I DON’T CARE!” John shouted back, “YOU KILLED HER!”

“I SWEAR TO CANNIBALISTIC BEAVERS IF YOU WON’T LET ME EXPLAIN YOU MOTHERFUCKING CUMGUZZLER I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SHIT-STAINED INTESTINES AND FEED THEM TO YOU THROUGH YOUR BLOODY EYE SOCKETS! YOU DISGRACEFUL RETARD HAS YOUR DAD NEVER HIT YOU WITH A BELT?!” The girl at the other side exploded into a tirade of curses, then she started hyperventilating. “Shit, fuck…. It hurts. Why God, why aren’t you helping me…?” she whimpered, like a frightened little girl. “It hurts, the nails hurt… Please don’t hate me, please, I just want to feel… something.” There was a moment of silence then a pained groan, “Say something, you useless idiot!” Thana screamed in the background and then a woman screamed. Rave screamed.

“Whoops, pinched her harder than intended, sorry about that,” Thana apologized when she had the phone back on her ear. John on the other end was speechless.

This was not the way he had hoped to hear her but she was still alive. Somehow, she was alive. “What do you want?”

Thana laughed for a good minute before answering, “I already told you: I want to die feeling something. I also need something else from you but I need to get back to killing the remaining Bloodfallen here before I become a potato again. Slooooowly as I might want to add. Which I do. I do very much want to add that. Which is why I did it.

“Before you try to get another one of your stupid questions in, let me tell you EXACTLY what I want. I have enough people here to kill around 5 days, so that is how much time you have. If you become strong enough to fight me until my dying breath in these 5 days you can save that girlfriend of yours. Is that what she is?” The question was confused. “I’m so sorry… I’m so…Hey, if you bore me you will both die so I guess it’s a win-win for both of us! I get what I want and you won’t miss her… fuck, that’s fucked up, fuck me… FUCK!” A coughing sound, then a choking one. It lasted for almost thirty seconds. “Just… vomited blood that crawled back down my throat… fuck, what the fuck am I?! END ME!”

5 days. The Gamer ability was insane but he wasn’t the slightest bit certain he could do that. What other choice was there though? How else could he undo what he had unleashed and see Rave again? “I will kill you.”

“That is what I am talking about! Nice conviction you got going there.” The background noise was suddenly filled with the death screams of a man. “So, that is all I wanted, I have to get back to work.” “WAIT!” John interrupted.

“Whaaaaat, you mongrel?!” Thana was audibly pissed.

“Promise me you won’t harm Jane!”

Hesitation, when the answer came it was hoarse, pained and sounded genuinely sorry, “I can’t do that. I have to hurt. I have to. I have to… please… please, you’ll understand… I… it’s getting cold…” Then she ended the call, leaving John wondering how to get as strong as her in 5 days.

He couldn’t do it on his own. He didn’t have to either. He had two ways out of this, one much more terrifying than the other but nevertheless two ways out of this. He opened Discord.

End of Arc 3