Chapter 118 – The Tears of a Maid

John tore his hand free. Despite Aclysia’s superior Strength, he was able to do so quite easily. Gritting his teeth, he directed his eyes at the white-haired woman. “What?!” he repeated, as her hand hovered between them, still raised. “Are you defying me? Are you going to stop me again?!” He lingered on that word for a while. No answer, and that only made all the anger within him break out with further intensity. “Are you really going to make me suffer all over again?!”

Aclysia took a full step back, her hand stretching out in equal measure, reaching out to him with fear on her face. The quivering fingers of her other hand tightened into a fist. The expression on her face shifted to determination. “If that is what I must do to save you.”

“I will not die, we have a safety precaution,” John hissed, eyes wandering to the opening Monster Table. What should he kill next?

“I am not talking about saving your life, I want to save you, John!” The insistence in her voice made his gaze jump back immediately. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Since when was she capable of crying? “Do you think I enjoyed leaving Rave behind?” Her voice was filled to the brim with lament.

“No, but…” John’s justifications got stuck in his throat. The wetness in her eyes only intensified further and with it grew the lump in his throat. The wrath melted away. Underneath surfaced a care for her deeper than he would have thought. What stood before him was no longer his creation; she hadn’t been in a while.

Aclysia tried to wipe away the first tear, but it only served to be replaced with more. “I love her,” she sobbed. “Sometimes I wished she wasn’t always there, but I never, ever wanted her gone! I love both of you. Not in a superficial way, not because you made me do it, but because you let me be capable of it. Because I am Aclysia, not just a golem. Because I am… I can hate myself for what I did.” The maid gave up on trying to stem the flow of tears, instead clutching her hands in front of her chest. “I know you’re angry with me. Every second away from her hurts you. I can see that. I envy that. I hope that you would feel the same for me.”

John was completely dumbfounded. They stood in this plane of nothingness as Aclysia, little figurine Aclysia, quiet except for when she had questions, laid open her feelings to him. Feelings he had wanted for her to have and that had grown far beyond his expectations.

“Every second we are here, I see you agonizing over what happened and it breaks my heart. I understand that we need to save her. I want to save her.” The tears dripped from her chin, as she bowed forwards and screamed. “WHAT IS SAVING HER WORTH IF YOU BREAK YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS?!”

Aclysia breathed heavily, shuddering all over from sobs and confusion. Suddenly, she stumbled forwards. John was still stunned, even as she embraced him. He had forgotten how warm she was.

In a whisper, she continued. “You didn’t care.” Aclysia’s fingers pressed into his exposed back, as she pressed those words out. “We could all hear your thoughts. You didn’t care about your own life or well-being.”

“I do not approve of self-sacrifice,” Salamander weighed in, arms crossed.

“I do not approve of selfishness,” Sylph added, the small entity’s voice serious despite its high pitch.

“I do not approve of… carelessness,” Gnome muttered, a hint of emotion sneaking into her voice.

“You didn’t care if you broke. It wasn’t a tactical move for you, it was your desire to get stronger quickly. That is all that matters to you. Even if you succeed, you might as well die in the process.”

“How would you know that?” John asked, too tired to feel any emotions.

“We…” “…are…” “...all…” “…with you…” The girls said in turns, then together. “”We are all with you John, in your thoughts and in your presence.” Only the elementals continued, “We are the bigger picture, the beings that represent parts and the sum of you.””

“Have you even stopped to think about Undine?” asked Gnome as she stood firmly on the ground,

“Have you even stopped to heal?” added Sylph,

“Have you even stopped to refuel?” finalized Salamander.

“Have you not noticed?” Aclysia’s hand on the back of his head was almost too much for his soul to bear. “We all care about you, John, so I want you to understand: this is not you. I accepted that you will need time to forgive me and yourself. I can take your anger. I share it. I cannot stand by as you destroy the man I love, my John. You would sacrifice yourself if it means saving Rave. You have barely talked, you have only rested the minimum required, you have not taken the time to recharge. You had preserved your caution, at least, so I had hoped you would build yourself up again in time. Instead, you seem to unravel further. I cannot carry on, watching you fall apart.”

Aclysia raised her tear-stained face off his chest. The light-green of her wet eyes reflected his own face. There were deep bags under his sunken eyes and his lips were curled down into a permanent frown. His lids were half-closed. The proof of his condition slowly let the mental stress manifest in his consciousness. Before he knew it, he was leaning onto Aclysia just to keep standing. “I miss her,” he whispered.

“We understand your suffering,” stated Sylph as she twirled slowly towards him.

“We understand your regret.” added Gnome.

“We understand your desire,” finalized Salamander.

“We all want the best for you.” Aclysia raised her head up to his, her lips slowly closing in. With the space of a sheet of paper between them, she stopped. “Please, as much as it torments you, as much as you might desire against it, as much as you think it a waste of time in this situation, please, take the time to preserve yourself. Rave wanted you to live. If you save her, don’t do it at the cost of yourself. Can you promise me that, John?”

John fully let his weight be supported by what had been his creation. Aclysia greeted his lips with hers. He was so tired. His body, his mind, they were both exhausted to the point of incapacity. He was so tired. Yet, as they shared a tender, honest kiss, he felt awake. All of a sudden the feeling that had caused his rage surged to the forefront again. The world was brighter, despite his sensation, because of one thing: love.

It was cliché. It was equally true. The comfort of another human brought him calm. It didn’t matter if she didn’t have a heartbeat or if it was magic that warmed her mimicry of flesh.

What he felt towards Aclysia at this moment was deeper than what he had anticipated ever feeling for her. He had made her as a guardian. He had chosen her appearance for his own base reasons. He had dressed her up to satisfy a fantasy. Then, she had become sapient in a true way. Then, she had become part of his family. All of that and what he felt for her now just developed as naturally as she did.

He loved her. He loved her in a different way than he loved Rave, but he loved her deeply nonetheless. A proud and honest love, impure in its origin and messy in its crystallization. Despite all of that, the love was as true as the fact that the sun would rise again tomorrow. The kiss they shared at that moment cemented his feelings for Aclysia, the individual.

Their lips parted. Her arms wrapped around him. “You are right,” the admission was a mumble. “I cannot go on like this. Jane would not have sacrificed herself to see me end like this. You’re right… but it's hard…”

Aclysia just quietly nodded. For a while they stood there. Two messes helping each other stand. Both of them had lost so much recently. “You’re not alone,” Aclysia whispered, caressing his back. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll do everything to ensure nothing stands in your way. I’ll cull everything and everyone that would make you feel like this again.”

Before John’s tired mind could properly interpret her tone of voice, Sylph began to babble. “I was actually worried for a moment there, whoyee, JohnTron, you sure make my existence interesting…. but don’t do that again I mean this whole thing makes me really jealous I can’t f-.”

The words of the air elemental were suddenly silenced, Gnome having caged the smaller spirit between her hands. The face of the brunette was red with embarrassment, for some reason? She was slowly growing more expressive, but that was a new one. “W-we should rest for today, John,” she suggested, refusing to look directly at him. “The gains were small but gains nonetheless.”

“Also get Undine back, I wanna apologize.” Salamander scratched the side of her head, “Maaan, why is burning so much fun?”

John failed miserably at a smile. Even now, the anger in him insisted they keep going. It had, however, lost its hand on the wheel. Wisdom and care for those around him reasserted themselves. He was in no state to continue physically, and none of them were mentally. “Yeah, let’s take a break,” he said, letting everyone relax fully.