Eternal Saṃsāra: The Wanderer of Worlds

[90] You need to see a Psychologist!

Chapter 90: You need to see a Psychologist!

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Ai's small hands held the white blanket in front of her chest. Her grip on it shook as she stared down at the ground.

Mothers are gentle creatures toward their children. They are vulnerable, especially to their children's criticism.

What I said to Ai was disheartening, she must be feeling more pain than what I felt from her attacks just earlier.

What she did was wrong, but I shouldn't have said all that. I wouldn't have, if not for my Venerable ego acting up. 

While I don't have multiple personality disorder in the traditional sense, the boundaries become blurred when influenced by an Icon from a past life. Since they grant me powers as well as the appearance from my past lives, it naturally also amplifies that side of my personality to a high degree. So while under the influence of an Icon, it's not wrong to say I have multiple personalities.

That’s why the Different Kings were glaring at each other earlier.

I should have been more careful before choosing to dive into the Crown Icon’s dark side. Because of me, she’s now like this…

Having grown up without a father and with a drug-addicted, abusive mother who eventually abandoned her, how could she possibly know how to be the ideal parent? Yet she tried her best, and succeeded for the most part. She couldn't be blamed for anything.

I sighed and closed my eyes. My hands moved to grab the blanket from her hands and wrapped it around her. Then I opened my eyes and looked into her eyes, leaning down a little to meet her eye level.

“I didn't mean all that,” I said as gently as I could. She looked subdued. She didn't reply and gently slipped down on the couch. I was starting to really feel guilty.

‘Stupid.’

I sat down beside her on the couch, my mind racing with a multitude of thoughts.

…People might think that having lived for so long and so many different lives, it'd be hard to care for others. People will be right in thinking that. In these 15 years I lived here, how many individuals did I truly care about?

For example, Shoko Nishimiya. While I liked that girl, did I really ‘care’ about her? I am sure she'll be hurt to know, but no, I do not. It's just how it is. I don't care about two out of three of my girlfriends either, but I will make an effort to change that in the upcoming months. I'll try.

Beyond the three members of my Sect – Ruby, Tsubasa, and Mem – whom I make an effort to care about, amongst whom Ruby is an exception, there is only one other person. It's this woman, and in truth, she comes first before them.

I wasn't an orphan in my first life, I had parents of my own. So in my upcoming life, I began to lose touch with my new parents. They just couldn't be compared to my first parents; it was harder to think of my new parents as really ‘parents’ since I was often older than them.

All that changed in my 5th life. 

This perception was shattered when I was born to a thousand-year-old vampire. She was the oldest parent I had, and she was also older than me back then. So for once it felt like I was truly being taken care of. And as it was my first life as something other than a human, she truly had to show me around the way of life like I was new at it. 

She excellently fulfilled the role of a parent, a mother. Emmanuelle Knightsbane Draconia – her memories linger with me to this day, and I doubt it will ever fade.

Since my 5th life, I have come to appreciate my parents a lot more. Especially my mothers.

Though, only in this life, my 11th, did I feel so close to a mother after my 5th. And oddly enough, Ai was the opposite of my Emmanuelle. She's young, childish, and not quite motherly for my standards. Yet, I… liked her a lot. She's lovely.

“I'm sorry.” I'd have never apologized to a person who attacked me first, but I did. It's her, so it's fine. My mother can enjoy this special benefit.

“You didn't say anything illogical though, Aqua…” she suddenly said. It seemed my words had reached deep inside her. “I am sorry, Aqua. For not being a good mother.”

‘This is not good.’

“I was judging too harshly. How would I know if you didn't love those girls? Wasn't it the girls who chose to be with you, when you were ready to choose one of them?” She clutched the blanket and said. I saw her lips quiver. “And… I didn't know how you learned who sent the assassin, but you were right. I just compared you with a man like that, when I should have known that… my Aqua isn't like that. I reached a stupid conclusion and hurt you. I really am not suitable to be a mother, am I?”

Seeing tears drip down to her thighs, I pulled her to my embrace. She didn't resist and rather buried her face into my chest. She held my shirt and sniffled, apologizing for being a failure of a mother while I was busy thinking what to say.

Kids often forget that it's the first time for their parents in this game called life too, it's not as if they've been practicing how to be a parent for hundreds of years.

However, it was different for me. I have played the role of a son for a long time. It should fall upon me, not Ai, to lead this situation.

“I'm glad you understand your mistakes,” I said as I gently pushed her away from my chest, looking into her eyes. “But that's the only part I meant. I didn't mean it when I said you're a terrible mother. Like I said last time, you're a great guardian.”

She sniffled and rubbed her eyes, “...But not a good mother.”

“Ruby will say you're a great mother.”

“Why do you think differently than her?”

“Because I'm… a lot older than her, my standards are skewed.” I said and she closed her mouth. Her eyes shook as she hesitated.

“What do you mean?”

“I can't explain yet.”

Then again, should I just tell her? 

No… There needs to be groundwork for this. It's not the same as telling Mem-Cho. As my mother, she'll be a lot more sensitive to the revelation of my reincarnation. I need to give her hints over time before I tell her.

This wouldn’t be the first time that things went wrong with my parents because I revealed my reincarnation status to them. The best-case scenario was that they kept a friendly bond with me but… they didn't see me as their son anymore. I was just a stranger to them at that point.

The worst-case scenario was them getting mad and accusing me of stealing the body of their son; that I was a ghost.

Both outcomes would… hurt if it's from Ai. I don't want her to act distant with me.

So I am hoping for something else. I did mention the best scenario, but there was a sole exception to that. It was my Emmanuelle again. Though the thing is, she claimed she knew from the beginning, and I'm unsure if that's true or not. Either way, she didn't care and loved me as much as that. No, she loved me even more because I finally opened up to her.

I'm not sure Ai would react like that. She is… too young for that. She might actually freak out. I can't take the risk.

“That symbol-thing in the sky earlier,” Ai began suddenly, referring to the Icon as her eyes filled with uncertainty. “And your behavior, it’s almost like a split personality... What were those, Aqua?”

“Let's drop the subject; I don't want to discuss it,” I said firmly. Although she appeared reluctant, she sighed and acquiesced. She didn't want to push me since she was emotionally cornered by me right now.

She nodded, “Fine.”

“Anyway, I hope you understand that I didn't mean the negative things I told you. I just wanted you to understand that I am not my father. Don't compare me to him. I would never treat you like he did.”

To my surprise, she smiled. “I know. I got the proof of that.” She gently hugged me. “Earlier, my Aqua didn't raise his fist against me even once, when I was attacking him harshly. On the other hand, that man almost killed me... My Aqua is a million times better.”

“Now you're being affectionate out of the blue?” I smiled too and hugged her, my hand finding her soft back but I resisted the urge to wander.

“Can't I show affection towards my son?” she asked in a soft, gentle tone, pushing me back onto the couch and lying on top of me. She did have the white blanket covering her back, so she wasn’t entirely indecent.

“You do realize you're naked, right?” I inquired, even while my hands moved to lock around her.

“It's alright, my son wouldn't do anything weird.” 

“I'm… not so sure about that one,” I said and she lifted her chin, blinking at me.  “What? I made it clear from before that I'm interested in you.”

She scowled deeply, “And you dared call me a bad mother when you have thoughts like this about me? Are you a good son?”

“I never said I'm a good son.” I smiled up at her playfully as she stared down at me. “I like you, mom. Go on a date with me.”

“Never.”

“You won't listen to this simple request after you wronged me just earlier?”

“You…!” She hissed. “Are you seriously emotionally blackmailing me right now?!”

“I am just asking.”

“....”

Ai glared at me while I smiled up at her. She let the glare drop and sighed, poking my cheek with a finger. “Fine, I truly admit, you're not like your father. He wasn't into his mother.”

I blinked and crackled up, while my hand lowered to grope her. That immediately got me a head-butt on the forehead. It was very gentle though.

“...Remove your hands, Aqua.” she was blushing but unwilling to raise her voice; she looked away from my eyes.

“I'll think about it.”

“You know, maybe you don't think I'm a good mom because you simply see me as a woman instead of your mother,” she said.

“Maybe you're right.”

“You're not supposed to agree, I’m insulting your argument from earlier.”

“I don't care.”

Ai grumbled. “This is Oedipus Complex, Aqua. This is not right. I'll need you to see a psychologist.”

“No, finding your mother attractive isn't the only rule to Oedipus Complex. I feel no sense of rivalry toward my so-called father—which is another requirement for this to be Oedipus. And stop before you point out how I hated being compared to him, that's different, that's just how I am. If I did have a sense of rivalry toward him, trust me I'd have killed him by now.”

Speaking of, I should kill that bastard. He tried to kill Ai; the only reason I kept him alive until now was that simple death would be too easy for him.

Ai frowned and said nothing, while I got an idea to mess with her as revenge for her accusation.

“Honestly, think about it rationally, mom. You are feeding, clothing, and raising a son for 15 years… solely so he can go and ravage another woman. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little boy – singing him lullabies, taking him to sports practice, making sure he had a healthy diet to grow up big and strong, educating him, playing with him, giving him loving hugs. All of it for one result: his body is more enjoyable and ripe for the women that will eventually be fucked in every hole by him. Raised the perfect boy? Great. Who benefits? Some random bitch. Aren't you the ultimate and final cuckquean?! Think-”

“Shut up, little punk.” She pinched my nose with an annoyed look. “I know that meme too, it wouldn’t work on me. I am not grooming a perfect husband for me, you know? I am raising my son.” She looked down at me. “You see me as a woman? Fine. But I don't see you as a man. I don't feel anything right now, even when I'm naked and laid above you. Give up.”

I smiled up at her. Her mental strength is indeed very strong, that makes this more fun. She’s so cute. She really might become a great mother at this rate, given a couple of years.

“I'm saying this just in case,” I squeezed her soft butt and watched her keep a fake, impassive mask. “But if you're planning to get a man, a boyfriend or husband, just to throw me off, I'll get really mad. I'll say it now; I will kill him.” I let go of her ass and grabbed her face, looking deep into her trembling purple eyes. “Keep that in mind, little Hoshino.”

Then, I pulled her into a kiss. She tried to say something but her parted lips were an opening.

She was startled, but what could she do? I violated the inside of her mouth while one of my hands held her head, and another held her tight waist. She resisted the kiss for a minute, before being forced to give in. 

After ten minutes of making out, I stood up while smiling at her. “Don't be mad, I will count this as compensation, or punishment, for the thing you pulled on me earlier. Just to let you know, if you were anyone else, they'd have met a much worse fate. See you later, mother.”

Saying so, I walked away with the furious glare of Ai piercing my back. She wiped her lips and let out a groan, which oddly sounded like a moan. 

“I'll let you off this time, brat…”

The blushing woman shook her head from left to right to get rid of weird thoughts and to also make her body temperature go down. 

She couldn’t believe this just happened.

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Link: /Master4thWall