Eternal Saṃsāra: The Wanderer of Worlds

[99] Realization and Acceptance

Chapter 99: Realization and Acceptance

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In a room where darkness was almost tangible, Ai Hoshino sat motionless, her form a mere shadow slumped against the bed frame. The dim moonlight filtered through a narrow slit in the curtains, casting a ghostly glow across the room.

It touched her face, highlighting her hollow, haunted eyes, where black stars whirled in endless orbits. Her lips were parched and cracked, making anyone ponder when she had last hydrated herself.

The room was eerily silent, disturbed only by the occasional whisper of the night wind against the windowpane. Time itself appeared to have come to a standstill within these four walls, creating a pocket of gloomy reality where Ai was lost in her own world of torment and betrayal.

“Haah…” Intermittently, she let out sighs punctuated by hollow laughter, devoid of any real mirth, as if mocking her own desolate state.

Lost in her thoughts as she was, pondering over memories she was unsure of the truth of, she barely registered the sound of her phone as it began to ring.

The device lay forgotten on the floor, she had been canceling and ignoring calls all day long. So she subconsciously ignored these calls too. The first ring went unnoticed, as did the second ring, a faint echo in the distance of her mind.

By the third ring, a flicker of awareness began to pierce her stupor. On the fourth ring, her hand twitched involuntarily, a reflex born from habit as a celebrity was trained to give her calls immediate attention.

With a slow, almost reluctant movement, Ai reached out and picked up the phone. Her sunken eyes squinted against the harsh light of the screen. “An unknown number…?”

A spark of curiosity nudged at the edges of her despair. ‘Could this be…’ she quickly shook her head. It couldn’t be him, and even if it was, it’s not like she wanted to talk to him. He had left, and she was content with it.

Still, her heart was pounding in a rhythm of dread and anticipation. With a hesitant finger, she swiped to answer the call.

The voice behind the phone sent chills down her spine.

"Hello, Ai," came the voice from the other end, startlingly familiar yet unwelcome.

Ai's eyes widened in shock, and a rush of emotions flooded through her. "…Hikaru?" she whispered, her voice barely audible. Even after this long, she recognized his voice. Not out of love, any remnant of that had been killed 11 years ago, but out of pure fury.

"Oh, you recognized me. Yes, it's me. I've been thinking about you. How have you been?" Her EX’s voice was calm, almost soothing, but it only served to fuel Ai's growing anger.

"Where are you now? Would you like to meet?" he continued when she only offered silence. “Ai? Hello?”

Ai's grip on the phone tightened, her nails digging into the plastic. "This pathetic bastard! How dare you call me now, after all these years!?" she hissed, her voice laced with venom.

“…”

"You have some nerve, you monster! You think I am unaware of what you did 11 years ago?! The only reason I stayed quiet and didn’t call the police is because of the lack of evidence, and the possibility that you’ll leak out our secret—and that my children will grow up knowing their father is a fucking criminal rotting in jail! Fuck off!"

Hikaru tried to interject, but Ai was beyond listening. Her anger boiled over, and with a scream of rage, she hurled the phone against the floor. It shattered on impact, pieces scattering across the room. A few hit her too, but her awakened body was too strong to be hurt by that.

“Haaah…”

Silence once again descended upon the room, oppressive and heavy, like a thick blanket smothering every corner of Ai's existence. Her chest rose and fell with ragged, uneven breaths, each one a struggle against the overwhelming emotions that threatened to consume her. Her gaze, hollow and desolate, was fixated on the remnants of the shattered phone that lay scattered on the floor.

The dark room felt like a tomb to her, sealing her within its unyielding walls. The faint glow of the moonlight did little to dispel the gloom that had settled deep within her soul.

Minutes stretched into what felt like hours. The weight of the silence was almost tangible, pressing down on her, suffocating her with its intensity. In this void of sound and light, Ai's thoughts spiraled, each one a piercing arrow of bitterness and sometimes… regret.

A flicker of doubt crept in, 'Should I have confronted him more calmly?' she wondered. ‘No, no, no… He was guilty and had nothing to say to redeem himself. That’s why he left… But still…’

She remembered when he kissed her navel to recharge her butterfly tattoo. That made her feel disgusted. Then she remembered when she was about to get a Mana Circuit; he said he had to kiss her chest. That made her disgusted too. But… when she disagreed and he did nothing to object, casually cutting his wrist to take the pain for her sake, her heart felt complicated.

Ai was unsure about everything. Just what did he think of her…?

– Knock!

Suddenly, a soft knock at the door sliced through the silence like a knife, startling Ai from her dark reverie. Her body tensed instinctively, a cold shiver cascading down her spine as the room seemed to contract around her. A sense of dread, long buried in the recesses of her mind, resurfaced with a vengeance.

‘What? Who…’ Her mind raced. Naturally, she was inside her house so it should be safe, but she was just called by her Ex. The same man who had sent a hitman to kill her last time.

Flashes of a traumatic memory bombarded her – the sharp, excruciating pain of a blade piercing her skin, the feeling of utter helplessness, and the chilling realization of her vulnerability. The memory of being stabbed, an event that had become a distant nightmare, now felt frighteningly close.

She was stronger now, she knew she was stronger than the strongest non-magical humans, yet she felt unsafe. Hikaru had always been weird, there was an odd aura around him. When she first saw that her son had magical powers, she theorized that it came from Hikaru. So who’s to say that he couldn’t overpower her and kill her?

Her heart pounded in her chest, a frantic drumbeat echoing the fear that gripped her. The knock at the door, so innocent and mundane, had become a harbinger of terror. Ai's breath hitched in her throat as she fought to regain control over her racing thoughts.

Who could it be at this hour? The safety and security she had once taken for granted felt like a distant dream, shattered by the absence of the one person who had always been her protector – Aqua. She hadn’t done that consciously, she just subconsciously thought she’d be fine as long as her son was around. But now…

– Knock!

The knock at the door persisted, a gentle but insistent reminder of the world outside her cocoon of darkness. Ai's throat felt dry, her voice a mere whisper as she mustered the courage to respond, her entire being on edge.

"W-who...?" she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Mama, it's me, Ruby... I have brought dinner," came the gentle reply from the other side.

Ai remained silent for a moment, the weight of her isolation completely vanishing into thin air. Then, with a heavy sigh, she whispered, "Dammit..."

Ai Hoshino felt a pang of longing, a yearning for the peace that she had lost. In this world full of secrets, her confusion and desperation only grew as she opened the door and brought Ruby into a tight hug.

At the very least, she shouldn’t push this child away.

* * *

Ai ate dinner, with Ruby sitting by her side throughout it. After that, she took a shower. Now she and Ruby sat down in the living room, drinking herbal tea with her shoulders drooping low. Neither of them talked, but Ruby sat right next to her, gently hugging her.

“It’s going to be alright…”

“….”

In this situation, Ai felt extremely guilty that Ruby had to console her instead of the other way around. She just nodded and sighed, though she was unsure if it would. The problem lay in her, and not Aqua – she was the one who pushed him away and not the other way around. So she couldn’t console Ruby back.

After finishing the tea, she put the cup down and brought Ruby’s head to her lap. She ran her fingers through the girl’s hair, as she came to realize something. Oddly enough, she didn’t feel like Ruby wasn’t her daughter. She didn’t feel cheated. At first, she did a little, but after what Aqua told her, she found Ruby just fine.

Was it because Ruby was more innocent?

“Sarina,” she started as Ruby’s body froze. This was the first time they were talking since the incident. “Was that your last name?”

After a short silence, Ruby nodded. “Yes.”

“How did Aqua know? Did you two share details with one another?” Ai asked. She was hoping to learn more about Aqua, and if Ruby knew that would be fantastic.

“Not really. I never even told him my name. He did tell me his, well, it was more of a title, but yeah. But as you saw, he somehow knew my name. I think he read my mind and learned it. There was an incident like that back when we were kids. He… touched my forehead and all of a sudden I saw everything from my previous life, like a flashback.”

She blinked, “Oh, and before you misunderstand, I already knew I was reincarnated before that; that magic didn’t awaken my previous life’s memories or anything like that.” Ruby clarified. “But I think maybe from there, he saw bits of my memories too…”

Ai frowned. So she didn’t know much? That was a pity. Ai was curious about his show of multiple personalities. She hadn’t bothered to think too much about it as Sherlock Holmes since she was busy stabilizing her emotions after realizing he was a reincarnator. There were multiple possibilities to what that might indicate, but she didn’t know for sure. She lacked evidence to reach a proper conclusion.

“Wait,” Ai looked into Ruby’s eyes. “You said he told you his name?”

“Well, not quite. It was a title. I asked who he was like in his past life, out of curiosity since he knew all this magic stuff, and he said…” Ruby hesitated, “The Emperor of Mankind, Sage of Humanity. And recently, he told me he ruled over 150,000 worlds. But I am not sure if he was telling the truth…”

“….”

That sounded absurd, but strangely enough, Ai believed it. Now it seemed funny when she called him a weebo bastard who could never touch a woman’s hand. Naturally, she was lying back then, she had seen him flirt with two Goddesses and at the same time stand his ground without being intimidated. That was a giveaway that he was someone big in his last life.

However, didn’t he say he was a fan of hers in his past life? Both of them together sounded contradictory, which would make it that one of them was a lie. Yet she was sure that he wasn’t lying at all during their last talk. When she recalled his split personality, it made sense why, and she realized the truth.

“So that’s how it is,” she sighed, leaning back on the couch. “No wonder he couldn’t see me as his mother.” Ai let out another sigh, this one sounding harrowing.

“Mama… he cares about you. A lot. Trust me when I say that.” Ruby looked up at her while tears ran down her face, yet she reached out to continue patting her hair.

Now that Ai was calm, she didn’t feel angry at him anymore. She just accepted things as they were. He wasn’t at fault, he probably didn’t choose to be reincarnated as her son as he said, but… it’s not as if she was at fault either.

She couldn’t see a man who had lived multiple lives, with multiple mothers, as her own son. Just like how he didn’t see her as his mother.

– Ding Dong!

Her moment of sad acceptance shattered abruptly with the sudden, jarring ring of the doorbell, and Ai frowned again. Ruby looked at the door, and her words relieved her, “It’s Tsubasa.”

Ruby got up, leaving Ai, and opened the door. Ai’s heightened perceptions could catch their conversation from here, but her mind was unfocused, so she missed it.

A moment later, Ruby returned with a hesitant look on her face, “Um, Mama… Onii-chan is here.”

“….” For some reason, Ai’s heart quickened.

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Link: /Master4thWall