Godclads

Chapter 30-12 Hidden Bonds

I can still feel you. Still feel all you twitching inside me. Feels kinda nice to be honest. Fuck me, consangs. Ain’t life a motherfuck. Here you were, living your nice little Guilder lives, enjoying “forever” and watching the war far from your doorstep, and now, suddenly, you’re part of me. No hint. No warning. Just here and then lost. Swallowed by the big ol’ cunt that is my Heaven.

Heh… hah… heh.

Jaus. What a fucking joke. I’m a godsdamned caricature of myself. Is this what Veylis thinks of me? Is this how the world sees me? Just some… porn-vic addict? Got nothing else to define me? All that I am…

All that I am…

I don’t want to be like this. I didn’t want to be like this. I just wanted something, you know. And I’m telling you all now… well, ‘cause who the fuck are you half-strands going to tell? Part of me now. And then you’ll all be dead and done, and I’ll still be here, so just… humor me.

I just wanted to have something, you know. Always did. But that wasn’t my lot and this wasn’t my fate. Hells, I’m not even my actual self. I’m just a path-memory-whatever-the-fuck recreation dispatched to steal parts of the actual Stillborn back from real me if he has a piece.

After that, though, I’ll be real. Seraph’s going to make a world just for me. Won’t even take her anything to do it either. Will be me and all my consangs. Me perfectly. Me without any flaws, any wants.

I’ll be a whole person then. I’ll have my mom back, I’ll be respected, I’ll—Kae will be alive again. And happy. Avo too. Everyone. It’ll be perfect. There’s really no difference in who wins and who loses when you think about it. You’ll all probably be in paradise too. Well, those of you Jaus likes, that is. It’s going to be alright. Everything I’m doing right now it isn’t… it’s not true. This isn’t real.

I’m not real. And neither are you. I’m not real, and neither are you…

Just remember your end of the bargain. I want my paradise; you can have your Bleak.

-Aedon Chambers the Fuckbringer

30-12

Hidden Bonds

REND CAPACITY [LOVEBRINGER] - 0%

“And that’s the last of them,” Chambers muttered. He stared at the three Rendbombs he filled up using his entropy. Each of them was shaped like a cube, five tons in total, and attached as the primary payload of three drone-missile hybrid platforms. They would be airborne in less than a few minutes, soaring toward the Morobi-Ynneath Sovereignty in coordination with an ongoing Guilder counter-offensive.

Having never used his Hells, Chambers wasn’t sure about his Rendbomb’s effectiveness, but he knew they had symmetry with his “evil twin,” and that should be enough to force them into a retreat or provoke some kind of response.

Here, in a hidden Voidwatch drop-site out in the district of Loathing, he, Cas, Marlowe prepared themselves for the immediate matters to come while his copies continued trying to resolve logistical and administrative matters across the Warrens.

Honestly, Chambers felt bad for the poor fucking subjects. He wasn’t a good leader on a great day, but with how things were going, he was as good as they got. There was talk of retrofitting some Maw barges to create something of a chain-spatial network. That led into talks about making contact with the Paladins on the border and rebuilding an external network that way as well.

Ultimately, though, the easiest means of reaching the other Syndicates across New Vultun after the collapse of the Nether might just be Chambers himself. Correspondence was a real special Domain, and if he could learn to love right…

Maybe if he filled his Absentheartedness with himself…

No. That would just result in narcissistic madness, even if it did work. Couldn’t risk that.

But at least he didn’t need to manifest his Heaven to brawl "other him." No telling how big of a shitshow that might turn out to be. Refusal had a plan, and Calvino was also shuffling around, keeping Chambers posted about the rest of the cadre’s movements in the meantime.

Fuck-fuck games were being played all around, and for once, he didn’t fall completely in the dark—could see the general directions where the dangers lurked. Dice and Lucky had been displaced somewhere far out in the Sunderwilds. They managed to reach a stable patch by following the Scar Charts and ended up capturing an Omnitech base.

Apparently, shit was already going down across the rest of Idheim. Millions of drones, Knots, and Godclads were grinding against each other across the Sunderwilds, with the bulk of them fighting to capture Scarcharted paths leading toward New Vultun. Most of these forces scrambled out from mono-Guild megas, and they were effectively going to be deadlocked for at least a good few months in the field.

A splash of images taken from Dice’s optics showed a landscape that looked more like a shredded piece of paper bleeding wavelengths of impossible geometry. However fucked existence was before, it was triply ass-pounded now. And it was going to get worse the longer things went on.

Approximately sixty percent of the Skulvast was also burning, but the Scaarthian homeland was such a miserable shithole Chambers doubted the locals noticed.

All in all, things were looking mighty fucked out there.

A pang of worry passed through Chambers as he thought of Essus though. He wondered how the poor bastard was doing. Avo gave him some new Heaven, handed a trail of people over to him, and then… well, Chambers didn’t know where he was.

“But you can,” the Lovebringer whispered. A quiver of power twitched inside him. So much power. Delicious, intoxicating power. “It’s a bond. He cares for Avo. He cares for you. There is love there. And there are so few still alive in the Sunderwilds. He can be found. He can be—”

“Fuck off,” Chambers snarled.

That provoked a response from Cas, who was actively speaking to a holo-veiled Squire in the corner of the room. Old lady Tavers was missing too. Not a single sign of her since the shit at Scale went down. Chambers didn’t blame her. This was a Godclad’s war and a Godclad she was definitely not, nor did she have any intention of being one. Add her fixed boy into the mix and well, he couldn’t see her stepping back in openly.

Denton was lost somewhere in the Substance. She was moving through “stable” areas and staying out of sight. Shit inside was growing weirder faster than they were out here. Chambers couldn’t imagine how weird shit was. She even reported an explosion of ghoul-like creatures sweeping through Guilder territories, engaging Massists and Saintists alike.

Naeko and Jaus Fucking Avandaer of all people, meanwhile, were still stuck at Scale. Though they weren’t truly entrapped inside the Substance, it had effectively walled them in, leaving just a thin threshold above for coldtech signals or however an ansible worked to pass through. Chief Paladin finally found something he couldn’t swat his way out of with the Substance. Wild as that was, it was only the second most unbelievable thing to Chambers.

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Jaus. Again, fucking Jaus with him in there. Made what Denton claimed about unreality within the substance more believable. Just thinking about what kind of weird nasty shit might emerge from the hate-fucking of Avo’s Soulscape and Veylis’ paths made Chambers want to flee into the gutters.

And finally, there was Draus. She was currently hiding out under Vator’s flesh, infiltrating Axtraxis Academy. Word from her was that Highflame was undergoing rough times. Lots of disagreements between the Meritos and Chivalrics—with more than a few “questionable fraggings” so far. Terrible time for morale to be this muddied considering conflicting orders have been coming from within the Substance, calling for all active Golds to move toward Omnitech territories and hold in place.

Least that opened up some angles for her. Said she detected more than a few Stillborn shardbearers—or Flame Anchors as she called them—inside the school. Between her and Chambers, they had two. Two out of seventy-two.

Fuck, they had their work cut out for them.

Meanwhile, Refusal periodically sent updates about the condition other his other self, and aside from growing larger, the other Chambers seemed strangely passive. Which wasn’t really like Chambers. Like, he got lost and would fuck up and shit, but he wouldn’t just sit around to play with his cock — especially if he knew someone was coming to kill him.

If there was one thing Chambers could pride himself on, it was the fact that he was a survivor. He knew how to weasel on through life, avoiding gangers, assassins, horrors lurking in the dark, and shitty bosses that murdered their Enforcers on a whim. He managed to thrive under Mirrorhead for a good while, after all.

Ah. Bad, shitty fucking times. Shitty fucking times that led to the best period of his life.

Chambers frowned. The polished surface of a Rendbomb reflected his expression back at him. Being kidnapped by a ghoul, used as an involuntary infiltrator, and then turned into a Godclad was effective and what led to his first experience with genuine happiness.

No. It wasn’t even that he was happy all that time it was…

He had a purpose. There was something for him. Something to live for; something to see tomorrow; a cause he could see himself going into oblivion for. Making things different. More than a half-strand like him ever deserved.

Or was it?

“No.” The Lovebringer’s words echoed from deep within Chambers, and he let out a sigh. He could feel the bonds around him trembling, a weave of Correspondence that he could grasp and twist and shape to his pleasure and desire. But refused. It was too much. As much as he pulled on others, they pulled back, and he never had the strength. Might never have the strength. “You do not possess the right direction for love. That is our true flaw. We saw the truth of this in Marlowe. Cas helped you see as well. All we experienced, all that we have learned… the reason why we persisted even when Mercy left you broken… none of this is about what is deserved. Nothing is deserved. Many things simply are. But we are misshapen. I am an incomplete Heaven still with more potential to bloom, and you are a man who feeds the emptiness within through sensory overload.”

“Same sensory overload that’s charging up our Hells,” Chambers muttered. “Wonder how other me’s gonna handle that. A Rendbomb filled up with lust and shit is a real specific vector. Won’t hit nothing else but him in the Sovereignty. Can’t how he avoids my Disentanglement entire. Fucking cuts you from the world. Leaves you severed. And then who knows what happens.”

Chambers thought about being parted from existence — capable of perceiving everything, but never interacting with anyone.

He wondered how long it would take for him to go insane. Or get used to it. Maybe he’d just grow more deviant. Turn into a stalker. But something about Correspondence made him think that was impossible as well. No bonds meant no bonds, no matter what his other self tried to do. Of course, he could try building a bond. Or maybe taking one…

He turned to stare at Cas again, studying the Columner—and his faith. The line there was linear and strong. It was also pure. There were no branching bonds connected to it, and frankly, Cas was pretty sparse of lust and want too. His major connections numbered just three. His faith; his transplant, and strangely enough, the city itself.

Meanwhile, Chambers had a whole goddamn lot of barely tangible strings lacing up his mind. Pretty much every vic he had within his Meta called to him constantly. Guess that was the difference when you considered the shape of an addict versus the shape of an actual person. To Chambers’ surprise, Marlowe was almost as bad as he was, ‘cept she was less lust-addled and more a druggie or a boozer.

“Two people can be broken in very different ways,” the Lovebringer declared. “And few will ever be proper enough to wield me.”

Cas probably could’ve.

The Lovebringer went quiet, and Chambers tasted a feeling of hurt coming from his Heaven. Lovebringer?

“I do not want him. He will never belong to something like me. He will deny my existence—refuse to see me as a person. It is why he does not acknowledge his Heaven. I am a monster born of Iconoclasm. And he dreams of a divinity that supersedes all others. His faith is his shield. His faith is also his slaver. He cannot face what I am. And so, I want you.”

It was then that Chambers noticed a final bond. This one ran between him and the Heaven. The distance between them was so fine it might as well not existed, but within his Soul there was still the slightest degree of separation. But the path of the bond ran stronger one way as well. The Lovebringer cared for Chambers far more than he ever thought of it.

And that brought him to a sudden pause. Oh. Ah, fuck. Sorry, I’ve been… Haven’t really even cared about what you want or who you were. It’s just… Chambers sat down in front of his Rendbombs as he sighed. I don’t know. I guess I never saw you as a person either. Because you aren’t. You’re a god or some shit. Perfect. Even when you were the Fucktopia—wait, did you… were you fine with being the Fucktopia?

“That was my concept. One does not hate their own shape.”

Chambers snorted. They can if they’re human. Well. Even when you were a giant wall of cocks, I just kinda saw you as something like my arm, you know. An extension of me that could… donno, talk to. Ask for help, sometimes. But that’s not why Avo woke you, is it?”

“My awakening was a thesis,” the Lovebringer mused. “I feel a great bond. It is faint. It is grand. It is here and not. And it runs between a shattered mind and existence itself. It loves concepts. It loves the idea of choice. And loves existing. It is a sublime. Feel… feel…”

And Chambers did just that. He tried to feel. He reached out with his senses, channeling his perception through the Lovebringer despite his apprehension, and sank his consciousness into existence.

Everything was a collection of patterns. The pillars of the world were forces, matter, time, space, and a whole bunch of other shit that was too complex for Chambers to sort through. But he was here, and his wavelength was love. He didn’t overlap with other Heavens but existed between them. Bonds. Bonds born of people, attributed to concepts. And there, he felt something. A metaphysical set of scarred ridges spreading, crashing into each other, and he drifted across them.

“This is only perceivable to us because of the creation of the Substance,” the Lovebringer declared. “Four great realities that once existed below have now breached their shells to greet what is above.”

Slowly, Chambers began to relax. Nothing was twisting his psyche right now, and he felt pretty normal. As normal as he usually felt, anyhow. The bonds here were not suited for a human to understand. Maybe Avo would have been enchanted by them, and Kae might’ve found herself consumed by wonder, but Chambers just felt their poignance and shapes and got lost wandering through the tapestry.

The connection between people and what they wanted was, honestly, a lower kind of love when viewed at this elevation. Too bad that was the only kind of love and lust Chambers understood. Right now, the connections between what might as well be Avo’s ontological corpse.

Can we pull on these with our Canons, Chambers asked.

“No. Not unless I am further evolved to do so. And even so, it will not affect the tangible world without intersecting it directly.”

Which left Chambers vulnerable to his addictions again. Fucking perfect. Well. It was a good exercise if anything. Suddenly, an epiphany passed through him. Hey, maybe we can use this to get in contact with—

Another presence brushed his mind. Another Heaven was reaching through the tapestry too. One that bore an impossibly similar symmetry as he.

Almost entirely the same.

Chambers’ eyes snapped open. His stomach dropped. But before he could pull himself back, he heard a bellowing cry from across New Vultun, from the beast that was subsuming Morobi-Ynneath himself.

“Wait! I want to talk. We need to talk. I think we’re both in the process of getting fucked… and we might be able to help each other out…”