How To Raise Your Regressor

Chapter 60 - War

??Noelle lied.??

My oh my, would you look at this dodgy wanker.

She fucking lied to keep me in the Guild.

??Quite amusing, wouldn't you say???

[Oh yes, very.]

??So, are you going to do everything in your power to eliminate her???

[Why would I?]

Being sued for bullying foetuses is not one of my hobbies.

??Isn't that what you claimed just seconds ago???

[Ah, that. I would have, but Noelle didn't manipulate the coin in any way; she merely lied about the outcome.]

??I see… by the way, she also flipped the coin in case you decided to check.??

[Doesn't matter.]

??I call discrimination!?? He whined.

[And I call bullshit.]

??Why?!??

[Because her intentions were different than yours. You would have manipulated the outcome to keep things interesting. She, on the other hand, did it because she wanted to keep me by her side.]

??Oh my, is it love, then??? He smirked.

…

Wow, he jebaited me.

[Hmm, yes, that makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I mean, no way in hell could she have another reason for keeping me in the Guild, like distrust in the royal family.]

I mean, lying because she has some ulterior motive or simply because she wants to keep me safe? Pfft. Nah man, she loves me.

Faggot.

??Well, the possibility is still there, isn't it? Also, I never specified what kind of love. For all we know, she could love you as the dear little brother she never had.??

That's oddly realistic.

[Then that just means I need to speed up my 'Corrupted Hero' plan.]

I should probably start it before her love grows to the point that she corrupts herself for my sake.

Imagine you stab someone in front of the eyes of the one whose hatred you want to earn, but instead of losing themselves in rage and killing you, they stab that 'someone' 37 more times and claim it was done for you.

That would be a yikes from me. I would probably give myself a karate chop in the neck so that I don't have to see that person again.

"Nooooo!" Voloha shrieked.

Ah right, these guys are here as well.

"Well, there you have it." I shrugged.

"But that's not fair!"

Wut?

"A flip of the coin is the fairest method of them all. It's all up to chance, after all."

"Y-you can't do this to me!"

Why is she talking like the girlfriend whose boyfriend just broke up with her over a text message because he wanted to game with the bois?

"I already have done this to you."

As simple as that.

"I won't accept this!" She exclaimed.

Bruh.

"Why not? I gave you a fair chance. If you want to blame someone, then blame your own luck."

Well, to be more precise she should blame Noelle for manipulating the outcome, but let's keep that a secret among ourselves, shall we?

"What if she lied about getting Tails?" Voloha scowled at Noelle.

Oh shit.

"Hmm?" Noelle glared at her with a cold gaze.

Voloha probably felt an ice blade impaling her heart (or, you know, whatever's a metaphor for fear) and shut up.

Nice, Noelle handled the situation like a champ. Her confidence even though she's in the wrong is just another level of power play.

"No one lied, Ms. Voloha." I lied. "It was just fate."

"T-this can't be!"

Hot damn, what's with the weird obsessions of women- correction, young girls in my life?

Like, okay I appreciate that you want to give me happiness because my life before was incredibly non-happy before, but I don't want that.

I just want to lie on my bed like a corpse without thinking of anything.

Why can't she just leave me alone?

"I assume this was all you came here for. If so, I'll take my leave-"

"No!"

"…"

Haah…

"I'm going to take you with me, no matter what!" Her eyes once again held an unwavering determination.

Hmm, I really want whatever she smoked before coming here.

Jokes aside, I should probably do something about her before she pulls some weird shit and I end up with a fiasco worse than Lecia's.

"VOLOHA!" And so, I shouted to assert dominance I mean shut her up.

"…" She flinched and then stared at me as if I was her parent who had caught her doing mischief.

??By the way, can you tell me the colour of her hair???

[Huh? The colour? Uh, wait a sec. Ah, yes, it's silver. Why?]

??The fact that you had to check it shows how much worth she has in your eyes.??

[Bruh.]

??You probably saw her as 'Side Character A'.??

[B R U H]

??You did notice her eye colour though, so I guess I can give you points for that.??

…

[If you are done personally attacking me, then can we focus on the issue at hand?]

Namely 'The Crazy Princess who wants to lock me up in a tower because she believes the outside world is too dangerous for me'.

Hmm, now that I think about it, that's basically the same as the Dragon-Princess-Knight fairy tale, except this time the Princess wants to kidnap the Dragon.

Wao, we're hitting fantasy levels that shouldn't be possible.

??Sure. But before that, list the physical details of Lecia.??

[HmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm. You know what?]

??What???

[Fuck off.]

For the nth time, let's focus on the issue.

"Take a deep breath." I said to the shaken Princess.

"Huu, haa." She stiffly nodded and complied.

"Again."

"Huu, haa."

"Feeling better? Now, why don't we sit down and resolve this issue in a way that benefits us both?"

Let's take the diplomatic route.

??Oh, so diplomacy's not dead anymore, huh???

[Jesus christ just the fuck up or I'll shove your tongue so far down your throat you'll wear it as a tail.]

Always diverting my attention from where it's needed. Bitchass motherfucker.

??No.??

Voloha sat down and I passed her a glass of water. She took some gulps and placed it back on the table.

"Now, I appreciate your… care for me, but I have already chosen to stay with the New Dawn Guild."

"…" She stared at me.

"To try to separate us means to go against my wishes. To go against my wishes is to go against me. And go against me is to… start a war with the New Dawn Guild."

"…"

"And I'm sure neither of us wants that."

"…" She closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

"So?"

I assume that should be enough to-

"Well, if a war is what is needed to get you," a wide, manic smile appeared on her face, "then a war is what you will get." The madness within her eyes deepened.

Yup, fuck my life.

She's serious about this.

It's either a case about obsessive love or ulterior motives.

Perhaps she knows of my frankly spectacular capabilities and wants to keep me as her loyal slave to make use of me as she sees fit.

Huh, this reunion suddenly took a not so wholesome turn.

What is this, real life?

??Yes.??

We don't need that kind of realism here.

"Alright then." I leaned back.

"…" She furrowed her brows.

"If you're looking for a war, then we- no, I shall provide you one."

The dumbness of this situation aside, a war over my custody should keep me interested for some time.

…

A 'war' over my custody, wow.

"Alright- pfft!" She suddenly snickered. "Ahem, like I was saying, I'll meet you at the battlefield."

"…"

"…" Voloha clenched her jaw.

"…"

"…" She then pursed her lips.

"…"

"Pfft! Ahahahaha, I can't do this anymore!"

"…"

God-fucking-damnit.