I Became a Witch in a World Full of Urban Legends

Chapter 242: Are You Trying to Make Me Your Assistant or Your Hitman?

Lu Yibei wasn’t sure whether Jumeng’s way of obtaining information is reliable, but he was most definitely sure about how efficient it was.

In just an hour, Jumeng received more than 2,000 ‘sacrifices’ from her followers, and it took only about half an hour to filter out the repetitive or nonsensical contents that were sent in. Jumeng confirmed the information with one-by-one, and the two played Fall Guys with each other in their short break.

Two hours later, a lengthy, eloquent essay more than 13,000 words long was written – much longer than normal essays, and almost the length of an entire thesis.

“Finally!” Jumeng stretched. “Alright, fork the goods out.”

“Give me a second! I’m looking for it!”

Jumeng followed his gaze, and noticed that he was staring outside the window, “Are you serious? It’s still morning out, and you’re already planning to leave? Even with me around?”

“As the old saying goes, it’s good to look forward to upcoming plans, aha…” Yibei muttered.

Jumeng held her chin and gazed at him, before nodding, “Not bad, Lu Yibei – your earthly skills of reeling in a woman is improving. Be honest! Are you messing around with a female behind my back?”

For the slightest moment, the image of a beautiful girl with tanned skin and blonde hair flashed in his mind, and he murmured, “You’re right… my senior at the Night Division is a bit- a female dog.”

Fumbling around his pockets, he grabbed the urban legend core, and gingerly placed it on Jumeng’s pristine, jade-like hands.

Jumeng studied the core, which resembled a crystallized pork belly, and frowned as she looked up at him.

“Something’s wrong.”

“…is it poisoned?”

“No. Something is wrong with you. How did somebody like you kill an urban legend this strong? Did you not just receive your runes? If we really wanted to be specific, this is a Level B Threat in Night Division standards! And you’re not injured?!”

“Ah, uh…” Yibei stuttered, unsure what to reply.

If I tell her that if potential powers erupted in me thanks to fight-or-flight, and I used my kitchen knife to slice it precisely in half, would she believe me?

Hell no! What a stupid lie! I can never say that!

As he was fumbling trying to come up with a lie, Jumeng wordlessly brought her hand out, displaying the contract mark on her hand that was pulsing with a red gleam, indicating that he was lying and breaching the details of their contract.

“Tell me the truth.”

You’re acting like I want to make shit up! Aren’t you hunting my Witch form down? I can’t!

Yibei was uneasy, but Jumeng simply sighed and turned away, “Forget it, you’re always in fishy, shady situations anyway. I don’t really care, to be honest.”

As she spoke, she plopped the core straight into her mouth, and it was as hard as iron. She bit off half of it with the sound of metal crunching, and beckoned Yibei over.

“Bei, I know you bought porridge for breakfast – give it to me. This core is as greasy as lard, so I want to balance it out with so porridge.”

“Okay! Okay! Here!” he responded, handing the vegetarian porridge over to her. He watched as she took a swig of the porridge and bit at the core, consuming them.

At this very moment, he realized that Jumeng is a real, high-levelled, powerful urban legend, swallowing the core of a Level B urban legend like it was nothing but breakfast.

Jumeng swallowed the last of her food and was smiling contently. Seeing that she was in a good mood, he immediately asked, “Meng, do you know anything about Dawa Gengzha²? The scenic area up in the mountains?”

Jumeng’s eyes widened a little as she looked at him up and down, “Well, of course! Why? Are you planning to go travel?”

“I really want to go there,” he said expressionlessly, yet with a tone of sadness. “Before my father died, he promised that we would go there together, but…”

“It’s a month before winter break starts,” he continued. “I plan on going there to take a look. Like I’m fulfilling his last wishes.”

Jumeng discreetly glanced at the mark on the back of her hand, but it remained dim and dormant.

“No. You cannot go.”

“What? Why?”

“That very place you mentioned is where urban legends gather, just like the temple dedicated to me  in Taoyuan¹. Do you understand me? It’s dangerous!”

“Does that mean you restrict its access, then? Do you not let outsiders into the Garden?”

“Of course not!” Jumeng raised her chin. “I am a reasonable, benevolent, considerable goddess. I would never do that to an outsider. Plus, the Garden’s temple is a national treasure, ranked as a 5A scenic destination! We earn so much from the entrance fees and merchandise store!”

…no wonder you don’t turn outsiders away. You’re just big and greedy!

“However, listen up – the peak at Dawa Gengzha is different,” Jumeng whispered. “Ordinary humans can go, so can lone psychics. I’d wager that ordinary urban legends can go too, but not you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a Night Division employee!” Jumeng said with a serious expression. “The leader of the urban legends who reside there hates them! Your death is almost guaranteed if you go there.”

“Is it really that serious?” Yibei frowned. “Are they that strong?”

“I’m sure the Night Division has taught you about the Night Parade of 100 Demons, correct? I, the Great and Dignified Lord Jumeng, hosted three of these parades in order to occupy the entirety of Taoyuan.”

Yibei nodded – information about the parade is available inside the Night Division Records, and it was also found in the Serpent’s knowledge that was bestowed onto her.

To put it simply, strong urban legends, through a special ritual, will connect their spiritual energies with the Earth’s ‘veins’ over a certain area. Then, that specific territory will be considered theirs.

In a sense, it’s like a dog peeing to mark its territory.

For example, the dimension inhabited by the Serpent within the bamboo scrolls is the result of this ritual and parade.

Of course, there are other benefits to this parade, but there are no records found detailing the benefits in either the Night Division Records or the Serpent’s memory.

“Now that you know that your favourite goddess has hosted three of these events, how many times do you think the leader up on Dawa Gengzha has hosted these rituals?”

He shrugged.

“Thirty-three times.”

“Jesus!”

“Oh, you’re scared,” Jumeng smirked. “I can’t estimate how strong they are, but I’m sure you have a rough estimate by now. The moment you step into the mountains, you’re gone. Even I can’t perform divine interventions and save you.”

“So, you’re saying that you would save me if I run into trouble?” his eyes watered.

“Uh,” Jumeng hesitated. “Hell no! You’re practically asking for it if you’re trying to climb up that mountain! It’s none of my business!”

“Tsk! You’re so cruel,” he rolled his eyes, then turned around to go upstairs to get his guitar bag. Then, he hurried down and locked himself in the bathroom.

He stepped on the toilet, took three bottles of Disaster Liquid from the ceiling compartment, and carefully stuffed them inside his bag.

After witnessing their power at the slaughterhouse, he felt that keeping these vials of Disaster is like a ticking time bomb at home, and they have to be disposed of as quickly as possible.

“Yibei?”

Shit!

 

“I noticed you’ve been locking yourself in the toilet a lot recently… and I think I know why.”

Hearing this, his heart tightened, and he almost slipped off the toilet.

“Are your… kidneys okay?”

“Bitch! You’re the one with bad kidneys!” he blurted out.

“What the-? It’s okay! Do you know what your favourite goddess specializes in? The manipulation of fertility seems to overlap with health, too, so I can help you cure your kidney disease! Wanna try? It’s a patented 3000-year-old formula which takes effect in three hours! No added sugars inside!”

“…get out!”

…

Meanwhile, in the corner of Lu Yibei’s apartment.

There was silence among the apparitions who overheard their Witch’s and Jumeng’s bickering.

The dentures, coming closer to his friends, spoke seriously, “Do you think what the goddess is saying is true?”

“…you’re suffering from kidney problems?” the wig fluttered.

“Don’t get me wrong – I’ve become stronger recently, and I’m starting to recover a lot of memories from my past life. In my memory, I got a friend…”

“Is the friend you?” the eyeball interrupted.

“No! I’m as strong as a bull!”

“It’s okay, we understand,” the wig caressed the dentures. “If you want that kidney prescription, let’s make our Witch suffer from kidney failure!”

“Makes sense! I’ll sneak to his phone and download some information on it for us!”

“Hey! I want a part of this too!” the wig fluttered. “We don’t have anything wrong with our kidneys, but we need the funds to build an organization! Selling that prescription might be a good choice!”

…

And thus, a brand named [Witch & Co. Kidney Solutions] popped up overnight, established without the Witch-in-question’s knowledge.

…

Leaving the apartment on his way to the University, Yibei was finally alone with his thoughts.

Analyzing the Serpent’s knowledge, he successfully crafted his first alchemy potion to cover his deficiencies, gained knowledge about the ghost market, and established a channel to trade psychic items through Shui.

If it hadn’t been for the review, he would have went to the ghost market to trade his Disaster Liquid for materials.

He had already planned on selling the liquid over to the obese salesman in the market, and buy materials from him at the same time.

However, I recall Shui saying that he is not a very nice person. If he guesses what I am from the materials I buy, it would be bad for me.

Plus, after obtaining information about Dawa Gengzha from Jumeng, he felt a strange sense of urgency to go there.

My father’s death is not an accident – the urban legend group chat confirmed that. I must find out why he died, but I can’t just rely on the group chat to supply me with information.

Moreover, he needed to find out what exactly his father was escorting. That could probably explain everything he needed to know.

Although Jumeng said that the leader is extremely powerful, as long as I am able to defeat them, surely it will be fine?

I just need some time to train and prepare! If I put my mind to it, I can do it!

He soon reached the printing shop by the gate of his University, and he took out the USB from his pocket, handing it over to the owner.

“Excuse me, could you help me print out the document inside this USB?”

“Sure thing!” the owner said, clicking about on his computer to retrieve the file from the USB. In a few moments, the owner gave him a sheet of papers containing his essay.

…

Half an hour later, in Professor Ma’s research lab.

Lu Yibei eyed Professor Ma with the gaze of a child who was caught copying answers from his friends, but still determined to not let up the truth.

Professor Ma read through the paper in detail for more than ten minutes. Occasionally, his face would scrunch up, and his brows would furrow; he would make strange sounds like, “Oh? Ah. Hmm. Hmm…” from time-to-time.

[afraid.jpeg]

Yibei never expected Jumeng’s work to be good, but now, it was no longer a question of her reliability, but a question of how outrageous the paper was.

“Yibei?”

“Yes!”

“Yibei, your essay is a bit informal in terms of professional, research-based writings, and it’s strangely novel – starting from the history of the Dongyi people, to their worship of totemic gods. Very few scholars have mentioned about various factors brought up in your essay.”

“Ah, I see…”

This can’t be anymore ‘novel,’ considering that the essay came from the Great Goddess of Dongyi herself…

“However, I like it. Are you interested in publishing it?”

“…what?”

This was outrageous from the very beginning, but it only became more outrageous.

Professor Ma is very strict academically – to say that he likes the paper means that the writing is of high quality.

“You don’t want to?” Professor Ma asked, noticing his gaze. “I understand – the writing is informal, but I can help you revise through it. When the time comes to publish it, put yourself as the author, since you’re the one who wrote this. Just make sure to put my name in the acknowledgements, hehe!”

It was obvious that he loves this paper.

“Professor Ma, is the paper not silly though? I mean… I barely-”

“What are you worried about?” Professor Ma patted on the stack of papers. “Yes, your research may not be thorough, and the views superficial, but it provides valuable information considering how rarely mentioned it was. In my opinion, this opens up avenues for further research to be done. Or… you would rather be the one doing the researching on your own?”

Yibei simply blinked.

No. I’m just feeling guilty… because I’m not the one who wrote the paper in the first place! If I am continuing with research, I’d have to hold Jumeng down and milk her dry of her information!

“No, no more research. I’ll publish it.”

“That’s what I want to hear!” Professor Ma smiled. “With this paper, you’re almost one of us now! You can fight back anyone who says otherwise.”

“Uh, what the hell?”

“I’ll let you in or something – a joint research project on the culture of the Dongyi people has recently been launched by Yanjing University,” Professor Ma disclosed. “You seem to be talented in terms of researching them, so I am planning to take you in as my assistant.”

“N-no. No thank you. I don’t want to. Remember the last time we researched the bamboo scrolls? And a lot of bad things started to happen? Surely you don’t want to continue researching about these things, right?” Yibei trembled.

“What are you talking about? This will help your qualifications! You can get a postgraduate degree with ease if you do this!”

Yibei was afraid that he won’t live to see that day.

“Aren’t you scared of what might jump out again?” Yibei said in a low voice. “Judging from all the information I collected just to write this essay, what happens if I stumble upon things I shouldn’t be seeing? It’ll be much, much, worse than what I saw in the bamboo scrolls.”

Yeah! Much, much worse! That damned goddess is feisty and has a bad-mouth… all she does is eat and drink all day… and can somehow cure kidney problems in just three hours… and most urban legends can’t beat her. You’re scared, Professor Ma! Admit it!

“Oh…” Professor Ma broke out of his trance, but immediately, he answered, “That’s why I want you to be my assistant!”

“Professor, be honest – are you trying to make me your assistant or your hitman?”

“Yes.”

Man, old people suck! Act your age!

 

Seeing how flustered his student was getting, Professor Ma got up, and patted him on the back, “It’s just a mild suggestion. If you don’t want to, forget it, but I’ll just go ahead and find another student to…”

“…could you give me time to think about it?”

Immediately, Professor Ma beamed.  “No rush! This project won’t be launched until spring next year, so you have two months. Just give me an answer a week before it starts.”

“Well, do I have to publish this paper at the library?” Yibei asked.

“Go! I will take care of the matters related to publishing.”

I hope nothing bad happens in the future… he cursed inwardly.

“Well, I’ll leave it to you, Professor Ma!”

TRANSLATOR NOTES:

1. Taoyuan: Taoyuan is a district in Taiwan, but Taoyuan also translates to the Garden of Peaches, which is Jumeng’s implied ‘domain’ that she watches over. I’m not exactly sure which Taoyuan Jumeng is referring to whenever she mentions them in this chapter, but it’s most probably a ‘separation of place-for-humans and place-for-Jumeng’s-people’ kind of situation, considering the explanation for the Serpent’s bamboo scroll world is given underneath. I thought this was a little confusing while translating it, so I’m just writing it down here in case you are too.

2. Dawa Gengzha: Dawa Gengzha is a scenic, mountainous, tourist destination in China, and it means ‘beautiful, sacred mountain’ in Tibetan.

As always, if you’d like to support the translation, you can do so at /slicedbreadsbakery! ^.^ Thank you Alex for your kind donation!