I Became the Leader of the Monster Circus Troupe

Chapter 155: Black and Gold – 26

Wonderstein stood still as if frozen in place by her confession.

What did she know?

Was it about her lost memories?

Or was it about the fact that she had lost her memories?

Just as he was about to speak, she lowered her head and murmured, “I knew. That my memories were wrong…”

Wonderstein nodded.

“I see.”

Well, if her memories were intact, her attitude towards him wouldn’t have been so gentle and affectionate all this time.

She had no reason to pretend to have lost her memories in the first place.

“Since when?” he asked.

“That’s… Oh.”

Suddenly, she began to tremble.

When people became overly excited and then suddenly calmed down, their bodies often experienced tremors, as if they were suffering from a fever.

Sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves rapidly switched, pores and blood vessels that had been constricted expanded, causing a sudden drop in body temperature.

It was the end of August, but this city was located in the northern part of the continent.

The weather was similar to late autumn in Charlotia.

Wonderstein approached her and wrapped his cloak around her trembling body.

She instinctively took a step back at his sudden approach.

But as their bodies touched, her guard quickly melted away.

The warmth enveloped her within the cloak calmed her.

After hesitating for a moment, she leaned her face against his chest.

It was warm.

The steady beating of his heart soothed her.

It’s strange.

Seems like this person never gets surprised, no matter what.

His heartbeat is always steady.

She chuckled softly.

That’s why she like it.

Because he’s always there, steadfast and reliable.

Someone she can always lean on.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah…”

But she feel a little uneasy.

Isn’t it supposed to feel a bit thrilling to be this close?

Due to the height difference between the two, her head rested just below his chin.

Wonderstein felt her hair tickling his neck.

She tilted her head slightly.

She kept scratching the back of her head where the hat touched.

He knew what that meant.

She was feeling itchy between her hair.

After a few attempts to resist, she couldn’t bear it and scratched the back of her head.

During the past few weeks, being with her constantly, he had noticed some of her small habits.

Like when she’s lost in thought, she’d scratch the chin of her doll sticking out of her pocket, or when she finds a situation boring, she’d mutter something akin to the sound of a spinning top rolling on a desk.

This behavior was one of them.

He reached out towards where she would soon scratch.

He lifted her hat slightly and gently stroked the back of her head.

“What… what are you doing…?” she muttered, shaking her shoulders to push his hand away.

But if it was an attempt to shake off something settled on her body, she doubted she could get rid of it, just like trying to chase away a mosquito.

The movement on her shoulder was as slow as a yawn.

“Hehe, feeling better now?” he asked.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m fine. But how did you know?”

“Ella, you wear your heart on your sleeve.”

“What… are you saying? You didn’t even know I was acting.”

However, if it was an attempt to shake off something settled on her body, Wonderstein doubted whether he could barely drive away even a single mosquito.

The slow, sluggish movement was just enough for the small chick to yawn on her shoulder.

“Hehe, are you feeling a bit better now?”

“Umm… Y-yeah. But how did you know?”

“Ella, anything she feels shows on her face.”

“Hmph… What’s that supposed to mean? Like I didn’t know I was acting?”

He knew where she needed scratching.

Between his fingers, her black hair flowed.

The tip of his nail found the dry spot on her scalp and scratched past it.

“Ugh…”

Ella barely managed to calm her shaking body.

She had never realized how satisfying it could be to have someone else scratch her head.

Wonderstein chuckled.

His actions were devoid of malice.

Scratching an itchy spot for someone was the most basic form of communication he shared with others in reality.

For someone who couldn’t move their body alone, even dealing with a simple itch was difficult.

While parts like the back or buttocks could be scratched against a wall or floor, other areas had no recourse.

So there was always someone by his side examining his skin.

In his childhood, friends from the orphanage played that role, and after leaving the orphanage, helpers dispatched by the welfare foundation took care of it.

The influence of such experiences was evident in his unreserved behaviour towards others.

Hugging, bathing, and feeding by someone else were daily occurrences for him.

Recognizing and scratching the itchy parts for the other person was routine behaviour for him.

But for Ella, it was a slightly unfamiliar sensation.

She flinched every time his hand touched her skin.

It seemed like he might understand why animals growl in pleasure when someone scratches under their fur or feathers.

Wonderstein clapped his hands lightly and smiled, spreading his hands out to her.

“Are you feeling a bit calmer now?”

“W-well, yes… Thanks to you…”

She couldn’t bring herself to look him straight in the face and adjusted her hat.

“Hehe, then please tell me now. How long have you known?”

At his words, she let out a small sigh.

“How long? From the beginning…”

Ella took a moment to steady her breath before starting her story.

After being hit by the reaper’s scythe and fainting, she woke up to realize that the atmosphere around her was strange.

The attitudes of the members towards her were somewhat cautious.

She soon realized what they were worried about.

She had been hit by the reaper’s scythe.

They were concerned if there might be any problems with her memory.

She heard the story that a mage who used the power of reversal had helped her.

“Because of that? I’m perfectly fine. I remember everything?”

Indeed, she proved that she had no memory impairments by talking about her memories with each member one by one.

But she sensed that something was off with the atmosphere after facing Wonderstein.

After hugging him, she scrutinized the expressions of the members.

They were shocked.

At her actions.

What’s wrong?

Did I do something wrong?

The members glanced at each other, shushing.

They said they were relieved that nothing happened to her, but those expressions definitely meant something was wrong.

She pretended to fall asleep right away, thinking that she should train the members in acting later.

And she sent the Chick out to eavesdrop on the conversation between the members.

Goodness. What did I just see?

Does she like the Director?

Ugh, this isn’t the Ella we know!

Their surprise was Ella’s affection for Wonderstein itself.

She couldn’t understand why they found it so strange.

Shortly after, listening to Maya’s explanation, she learned the truth.

Thanks to the mage who used the power of reversal, she hadn’t been robbed of happy memories. She had lost unhappy memories. And they were related to Wonderstein.

So, she said she had come to like him, even though she originally hated him.

Ella’s heart pounded.

I originally hated Wonderstein?

She went through every memory from the moment she first met him until now. No matter how hard she tried, only good memories related to him came to mind. She couldn’t even guess what bad things he had done to her.

He was her first audience.

She was his business partner.

He saved her hometown.

He saved her life multiple times.

He supported her dreams.

He was the capable director of the circus.

He was someone to admire.

He was kind and good-hearted.

Above all else…

He was the person she liked the most.

What unhappy memory could be related to him?

Why would remembering it make her hate him?

She pretended to be bedridden for a whole day, trying to recall the lost memories. But the more she checked her memories, the deeper her positive feelings towards him became.

What did you do to me?

I like you so much…

Are these feelings fake?

After pondering all day, she finally came to the following conclusion:

Do I really need to recall that memory?

She had been using the members as guinea pigs all along to gauge their reactions. They seemed to sense that something had happened between her and him, especially after the events at Vergsong Manor. Most of the events she experienced seemed to be true.

The members’ relationship with her had soured due to some unknown previous event. What could it be?

He’s a good person, isn’t he?

Of course, he has flaws.

Maybe he messed up something big because of them.

So, maybe I’m disappointed in him.

She thought of Wonderstein, who flirts with the village maidens.

Nah, that’s not it. Geez.

But I do feel bad vibes, though.

She heard Wonderstein giving the members a token of reconciliation regarding her memory. His words were filled with concern for her.

She could feel his warm sincerity.

Yeah, this will do.

The past isn’t necessary.

Now is good.

She decided to deny it.

The memories she lost.

And she pretended not to know anything.

The members played along with her deception.

She was happy with that.

Because she could be with the person I love.

The reason she hated Gascon was because of that.

Him seducing Wonderstein in another kind of way?

It was just a funny thing and an excuse.

His passion for the circus grand prix was unstoppable.

She just didn’t want him to heal his memories.

In case any bad memories of him might come back.

In case he really did something bad to her.

In case he was a different person than she thought.

She was afraid of that.

So she tried to postpone and avoid treatment as much as possible.

To make even a little happy time last longer.

Meanwhile, she tried to get closer to Wonderstein.

Even if memories come back.

Even if bad feelings arise.

To accumulate enough good memories and emotions to cover it.

She laid out everything that had happened so far.

Wonderstein said in frustration.

“Why? What if I really did something bad to you?”

She shook her head at his words.

“That’s impossible.”

“Why?”

“Because I trust you.”

Her words made Wonderstein smile.

Contrary to true feelings.

Ella laughed with him as she saw his smile.

She looked up at him and said.

“I still don’t know what memories I lost.”

Her voice was stronger than before.

“If they come back, will my current feelings disappear? Will I hate and resent you like before?”

She muttered with uncertainty.

Then she lowered her head.

“But I still want to be honest with my current feelings.”

She hesitated for a moment.

Then she smiled confidently and said.

“I like you. Wonderstein. Sincerely.”