I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

I decided to give Xiao Qin a call when I get home tonight.

It wasn’t because I missed her after not seeing each other for a day.

But rather, it was very likely that she would call me if I didn’t call her.

If my old man picked up the phone and she said something she shouldn’t have, that would be troublesome.

The “HHH Enthusiasts Club”, that my dad participated in last time, seemed to have set up an illegal server. They would upload copious amounts of porn movies and H games for members to download.

If this was the case, then they would be no different than a porn site. They would eventually get caught by the public security bureau, and everyone from the leader to the members would have to wear ice cold cuffs.

The only difference was that their association was non-profit. The server fees were all paid from the pockets of Director Cao and the elusive leader. They also didn’t like large groups, so they were really strict with new applicant inspections.

As a side note, Director Cao is the group’s organizational head. My dad is a senior commentator, he specializes in writing articles on adult films with meaningful content and artistic spirit.

After eating dinner, my dad locked himself inside his room. He would answer customer inquiries on TaoBao (TN: TaoBao is Chinese ebay/Amazon) while loudly listening to a short film made by a friend.

Based on his words, he has to carefully analyze and evaluate the sufficiency and deficiency of domestic adult films.

I angrily told my dad to lower the volume. After all, it’s definitely a bad influence for youth.

“Old man, are you trying to defy the natural order!? Your son can hear the sound of the adult film! It’s all your fault if I sexually assault a female classmate!”

The old man tactfully lowered the volume. I walked to the phone in the living room and called Xiao Qin’s home number.

Is it a psychological effect? Why does it feel like I can still hear lewd sounds from the study room? It should be fine, right? No one has such a sensitive hearing through the phone, right?

The phone rang five or six times before someone answered. It was an unenergetic female with a hoarse voice.

“Hello?”

I panicked and suddenly realized, when I called Xiao Qin last time, she answered right away. But since she’s not feeling well today, the one who answered the phone could be Auntie Ren!

The person who answered only responded with a quiet “hello”, it’s indeed difficult to determine if it’s the mother or daughter!

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? I’m suddenly speaking with Auntie Ren! I haven’t even prepared myself!

Should I just hang up without saying anything? But that would be too cowardly!

Also, it was your daughter that keeps getting entangled with me! She’s bullied me for years as the Little Tyrant, now she wants to destroy my life in a different method. Why am I so restless when I’m the victim?

After a complicated mental quarrel, I decided to face Auntie Ren. In any case, since I listened in on their conversation, I deduced that she already knows of my existence.

“Hello, I’m one of your daughter’s classmate, my name is Ye Lin...”

Once I stated my name, the voice erupted with anger:

“Damn brat, you still have the nerve to call!?”

Auntie Ren’s intense reply was completely out of my expectations.

“Auntie, please don’t get upset...”

“How can I not be upset? You harmed my daughter and you still call me Auntie?”

I don’t know what Ren Auntie meant by ‘harmed her daughter’. I was bullying Xiao Qin quite a bit at school recently.

Also, Auntie Ren’s voice sounds a bit strange? Is it because of fatigue and anger? Why does it sound hoarser than last time? It sounds like she’s pinching her throat to speak!

Without letting me think any further, Auntie Ren fired in quick succession:

“You think you’re some hot stuff, eh? Since my daughter cares for you, you don’t know how to appreciate it, eh? Everyday, after being bullied by you, she would hide in her room and cry. As a mother, that pains my heart.”

“I’m.. sorry, Auntie Ren, it wasn’t on purpose... If she comes to school tomorrow, I’ll apologize to her!”

“Really?”

That last phrase was no longer hoarse, it also had a youthfulness that didn’t fit her age.

But her next words immediately returned to normal.

“Hmph, all men always say one thing but do another! Do you want to keep deceiving Xiao Qin with a few superficial words? Our family isn’t that easy to bully!”

My heart thumped. If Auntie Ren came to our house for a punishment, as a previous world champion, she would take down me and my dad in an instant!

If by any chance the impatient Auntie Ren forgets to hold back her strength, my dad and I would both have to give up our lives!

Although my dad has abandoned himself in commenting on adult films, I still don’t want to drag him down with me!

Thus I begged for forgiveness from Auntie Ren and spoke a lot.

Such as “I bullied Xiao Qin because of a dark past, I regretted it after the fact...”

Also, “Xiao Qin left me bewildered when she said she wanted me to be her boyfriend, aren’t we a little too young...”

But Auntie Ren was unwilling to forgive and she constantly criticized my nasty sense of morals and my repugnant appearance. It quickly escalated from our conversation into personal attacks.

She said that my long and narrow eyes looked like a parallelogram, and that when my pupils moved around, it looked like a Windows pinball game.

Damn, Auntie Ren you have so much free time! You should be pretty busy on set, yet you still have free time for pinball? Also isn’t a comparison to a parallelogram too cruel? I’m a human, not a robot!

She also said that I wasn’t protective of the fairer sex, that I was crude, and that I forgot favors.

“I even gave you Tang HuLu to eat when we were younger!”

I can’t believe Auntie Ren had the nerve to say that! The Tang HuLu you gave me was taken away by your daughter! If you really wanted to give it to me to eat, you should have stood there and watched me eat it! Your daughter revealed her true self immediately after you left!

She finally added: “You damn playboy, you already have my daughter, yet you’re having an affair!”

I felt something was wrong, thus I investigated by asking:

“Then what should I do to satisfy you?”

Auntie Ren snorted in delight, as if she was already prepared and said:

“If you don’t want to make me angry, then... you two should get married tomorrow!”

“Eh? What did you say?”

“I said, the first thing in the morning when the police station opens, go get your marriage certification!”

Screw the marriage certificate! Police station my ass! You get a marriage certificate from a civil office! Also, the police station is on-duty 24 hours a day, there’s no time when it opens or closes!

After saying such ignorant words, this was definitely Xiao Qin pretending to be Auntie Ren!

I can’t believe she tricked me for so long, it seems like I’m still afraid of Auntie Ren! Once I get nervous, I forget to distinguish between real or fake!

If I exposed Xiao Qin, isn’t that going easy on her?

I decided to beat her at her own game and continued to role-play.

I cleared my throat and used a hoodlum tone to speak:

“Haha, Auntie Ren, you sure know how to joke around! I only played a bit with your daughter and now you want us to get married?”

The speaker on the other end of the phone clearly did not expect me to be so shameless and she was momentarily lost for words.

“Actually, I am an immoral and nasty piece of scum, who only plays around with your innocent daughter. But if you want to blame someone, blame your daughter for having such a low IQ, she practically gave herself to me!”

“You... you....”

Xiao Qin who was disguised as Auntie Ren was speechless.

“Oh, also when you said I was having an affair, I actually had my fair share of troubles. It was because your daughter had her period, so it was difficult to play with her, so I temporarily switched a partner.”

Xiao Qin couldn’t hold it in anymore and erupted:

“Ye Lin classmate, you were too excessive! What if my mom really answered the phone! If you left this kind of impression, she definitely won’t agree to our marriage!”

“You’re complaining about me? Weren’t you the one who disguised as someone else? I called you Auntie Ren so many times! Also, who’s getting married with you!”

“I don’t care! I already recorded our conversation! I’ll let my mom listen to it now!”

Eh? I didn’t expect this hand! I just admitted in the phone call that I played with Xiao Qin! If Auntie Ren misunderstood, my home will become a slaughterhouse!

“Wait, calm down, let’s talk about it!”

“What, are you afraid of my mom? Didn’t she treat you nicely when we were kids?”

Compared to the Little Tyrant’s oppression, Auntie Ren treated me pretty well.

But things change over time, regardless of how much I was liked as a child, if she heard that I played with her daughter, Auntie Ren would seethe with anger and probably kill first and talk later.

“I- it’s not that I’m scared, it’s just that it would be embarrassing if Auntie Ren heard those jokes...”

“You are scared! You’re probably feeling guilty after you played me!”

“Can you stop using the word play? What do I have to do so you won’t give her the recording?”

“Marriage! I won’t be mad if we get married!”

Srew that! I thought you were going to say be your boyfriend, we didn’t meet for one day and it’s now marriage? Even if I agreed, the law wouldn’t allow a 14 year old to get a marriage certificate!

I was rendered speechless by Xiao Qin’s outrageous request and both ends of the phone sank into silence.

It was at this time when my old man changed a film to watch. This film was louder and I could faintly hear it from the living room.

Xiao Qin was shocked and used an exasperated tone:

“Ye Lin classmate, what are you doing! I didn’t come to school for only a day, but you need to watch those kinds of films to solve your problems?”

Stop wrongly accusing people! Who would call a female classmate while watching an adult film and masturbating! (Maybe Eunuch Cao would) My dad is the one watching the adult film! But it was too embarrassing to tell the truth to Xiao Qin!

“Why do you care! Which young man doesn’t watch adult films! There’s not a single perfectly healthy male who hasn’t watched an adult film! Oh, that’s right, this is my hobby! Didn’t you say before that you would support my hobbies?”

Xiao Qin was at a loss for words.

“Un... Sorry, my bad.”

“Good. Next time be careful.”

I pretended that watching adult films was something to be proud of rather than something shameless. In honesty, I hated my dad, and I really just wanted to barge into his room and rip out the power cord.

“Ye Lin classmate, I didn’t realize you were this thirsty, it’s all my fault.... But since you watched adult films by yourself, I’ll feel bad after finding out.... Next time, will you watch it together with me?”