Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

Episode 316: If Only (2)

When I first heard a limping figure coming from across the hallway, I thought it was time. So… I guess it’s time for some kind of interrogation.

‘They said we’d talk tomorrow.’

[Those in power are always fickle. If I get annoyed, I just kick it and leave—Oh, stop throwing the chains!]

If I had known this would happen, I shouldn’t have sent the Deathbringer. But how can I stop him from leaving to find out the situation with the Inquisitor, Archmage Meister, etc. I, too, was very curious about their news.

“…?”

So, I prepared to welcome guests without the Deathbringer. There was no tea or refreshments to be served, and it was not a place where one could treat oneself carelessly like my room in the first place, so it was not done in a grand manner.

Suddenly.

Instead, I dragged two chairs to fit in front of the fireplace. It wasn’t that there were no chairs originally, but it was a rocking chair and not really suitable for conversation.

‘It’s dark…’

[I’m going to start a fire– stop throwing the chains!]

‘You need to shut up.’

But looking at the chair like this, it’s too dark.

After some thought, I used a ratel to hang my magic lantern from the ceiling. The judgment was that even though it may not be as bright as LED lighting, it would be better than nothing.

And since it wasn’t such a bad idea, I sat down satisfied. Trudging. The next thing I heard was the sound of footsteps that were getting close.

what. Why are you going? I had prepared as much as I could, but I was taken aback by the sight of him leaving.

I wasn’t told that I would be visiting at this time, so it’s not something I would be angry about, but it was still surprising. This was even more so because the other person did not enter any room but just went back the way they came.

[Damn kid…!]

「If you’re going to try it, try it. “I don’t know how far you can go when the penalty for trying to escape is constricting you.”

According to my senses, this is the only room on this floor with people in it. And unless the other person is going to enter another room on this floor, there is a high probability that the purpose of visiting the floor is to visit me.

Since the meaning I had was the meaning, there was little room for error in my guess. Whether it’s trying to talk to me, spy on me, or at least tell me something. In the end, all of that can come true after encountering me.

But is this just going to work? What does this mean?

I unexpectedly woke up in a ridiculous situation. It was in the same context that I opened the door for something that I would normally have overlooked.

I stuck my head outside out of curiosity to see who was the person who limped all the way here and returned without having gained anything.

“…Pasha?”

“…Ah.”

Before I could recognize him, Faust, who had been holding on to his anger like a mouse, let out a sigh.

“…Pasha.”

Soseongju… is it?

Unlike Pasha, I recognized him about half a beat later. I couldn’t help it. The characteristic that I remember about Xiao Chengzhu is his navy blue hair, but now that navy blue color has been obscured by the unique scarlet color of the lantern.

“Pashaji.”

My magic lantern, on the other hand, emits silver light, not scarlet. This means that it can somehow show the primary colors even in the dark.

“You’re Pasha, right?”

So he easily figured out the identity of this body… and ran straight to me. Because my legs weren’t normal, it wasn’t fast. The person running towards me, dragging his legs, desperately grabbed my forearm.

“Pasha… That’s Pasha.”

Wow. Thick tears fell like rain again. I couldn’t tell how many times I saw someone else crying today.

I just returned a mysterious look to the person who seemed to be clinging to me.

“…It’s okay if not. It doesn’t matter if not. Because it doesn’t matter…”

“….”

“Wait a minute, just like this….”

Now what should we do with this? No matter how much I thought about it, I was devastated in front of someone who was an acquaintance of ‘Faust’. Should I tell you the truth? Should I tell you that this body belongs to the being you know, and that I am a soul temporarily summoned by that being?

[Child, I’m exhausted.]

「….」

…I can see that this person is going to pour out countless emotions in the process, so do I have to handle all of that again?

[I’m losing my strength, kid.]

「…Shut up.」

Human sensitivity can be annoying sometimes. This is especially true in the sense that I arbitrarily empathize with something that is not even my problem.

[Are you distressed? Sorry? Or… do you want to talk to him?]

No matter how much you try to keep your distance, eventually, your gaze will go. There are words that you can hear even if you close your ears.

[With what qualifications?]

At that point, I… just feel uncomfortable dealing with this person. The discomfort is even greater because it was today that I overcame the great juncture that was Daniel.

[Gretchen.]

At this moment, it is too much to waste even a single ounce of energy getting caught up in the emotions of an unrelated person.

[Just ignore it. Why bother telling me?]

I glanced at the angry spirit body that had slowly appeared. It was quite a tempting offer. It was a completely different feeling from annoyance, but in the end, the feeling of wanting to ignore it was the same.

[This is nothing to worry about since you are just caught up in it.]

“Pasha Atya Alya…”

[The Inquisitor also said it during the day. It is true that you are in a better situation than this child, but that does not mean you have to do everything for this child.]

“Where is it… where did it go…”

The desire to ignore it was like a chimney.

‘…Today during the day, he took control of my body for a moment with my permission.’

[Wait a minute.]

But if I were to ask you if I was ignoring him now, would that be complete disregard? That would not be the case.

‘Then it wouldn’t be strange to try the same thing just by changing the target. yes?’

「…!」

[No…]

I chose the third option in order to completely stand by.

‘In the meantime, I’m going to sleep. Handle it without any problem.’

“That’s okay…”

‘No problem here includes not causing a fight in the temple and not having that person say anything to me when I wake up again. I understand?’

Just let them steam and stir-fry on their own.

“Yes, yes.”

‘There will be no time limit. However, when existing party members, such as Deathbringer or Inquisitor, return, they are immediately replaced. It’s the same even if people from the temple come to visit. Understand?’

“Yes…!”

Suddenly, I thought for a moment that if it was going to be like this, wouldn’t it be okay for him to just hold this body for 9 years and for me to continue sleeping inside?

‘Then you come out. Or do I have to go in to get out?’

“Now wait a minute.”

But I’m not sure if it’s okay to bring this up right now. I blinked, promising myself that I would bring it up later. Anger doesn’t say anything. I felt a little uncomfortable.

“…Thank you.”

But before I could raise an issue about that sense of incongruity, the world turned upside down. A white world no longer filled with blood filled my vision.

“…I don’t know.”

The devil is strangely quiet about Faust going outside, but seeing as Faust accepts it without much resistance, it doesn’t seem to be a big problem.

I thought about the ambiguous situation a couple of times and then gave up. It was annoying to think about it now.

[…You’re really tired, dear.]

Instead, Anger, who was sitting on a white chair befitting a white world, whispered to me. I didn’t bother to respond. Regardless of whether it was worth dealing with or not, I simply did not have the stamina to respond to external stimuli.

[If you need something, you can have a strong mental image of it… but it seems like you don’t have the time to do that right now. Okay dear Gretchen. I’ll be kind this time.]

Instead, I briefly thought about that. Daniel would be mad if he found out that he could change his surface consciousness but didn’t. It was a useless thought. I stood there blankly, looking at the vast, pure white horizon.

Just right. With the sound of a hand being struck, part of the earth began to creep.

[This is the nest I used in hell. Oh, is it not good for you? Is the bed better, Gretchen?]

The earth, which had been shaking, soon hardened into some form and was fixed. It looked like a lotus flower made of straw. Or, it looked like an oyster made from bone fragments.

[It’s a pretty cozy place.]

It’s weird but not creepy, and it looks uncomfortable but seems safe. After thinking about it for a bit, I just crawled inside. It was more bothersome to think about it now, anger-kindness and all.

“…It’s narrow.”

[Because I didn’t want to be caught.]

It’s perfect if you curl your body like a shrimp. I found the most comfortable position in that cramped coziness. Maybe it was because there was something soft on the floor, but after moving around a few times, I was able to get into a rough position.

[But isn’t it comfortable?]

Do you think this crumpled posture looks comfortable?

I opened my eyes, which I was about to close, in frustration. Giggling. Anger, sitting at the entrance to the cave, laughed softly.

[If you really didn’t like it, you would have come out again, girl.]

The reason I’m not going out now is because I’m too lazy to just go out and lie down, but… that’s enough. I closed my eyes as I pushed the soft material further into my neck and under my head.

“hey.”

[Hmm?]

“…No. done.”

Did I seem that repressed? I swallowed what I was about to ask. I thought it was funny to keep asking questions even though I knew the answer.

[Oh Grethen. It is a sin not to call someone and talk to them.]

“What should I do?”

Of course, Anger complained about the withdrawal, but who knows. I lowered my eyelids to indicate that I had no intention of speaking. [Grumpy.] Anger, who was sitting outside, clicked his tongue.

[Then I hope you have good dreams.]

Still, I prayed for a blessing at the end. It was kind of a shitty thing to do. Who am I to end up like this, this Shibalom?

* * *

Is it okay to do this? Faust asked himself as he changed the position of his soul. Is this really okay?

[….]

However, it was too late to withdraw. The world turned upside down with the devil’s mysterious gaze for the last time. I don’t know. It seemed as if Gretchen, who had gone inside, whispered those words.

“I miss you…”

Unfortunately, Faust could no longer pay attention to what he said. This is because the moment his mind fully awakened, dozens and hundreds of pieces of information came pouring in from his overlaid body, confusing him.

“Please…”

The sound of the night spreads in the silence, the smell of the wind seeping in, the warmth of the person who touches it, the dark blue world that fills the field of vision.

Hmm. Faust struggled to breathe in the face of a flood of sensations that were no different from violence. I wasn’t sure if this was proper breathing or not. The soul body did not need to breathe.

“──”

Ah, is this air that flows down my throat? Was the cool and clear breath in Idazi?

He continued to do unfamiliar things, tracing distant memories. For a moment, he forgot that the person in front of him was the person he wanted to see so much.

The boy had to first figure out how sensitive his body really was and how undeserved it was to stand in the world with substance.

“Are you okay…?”

Oh, being alive and breathing was such a huge thing.

“It’s okay…”

Faust instinctively brought his hands up to cover his ears. My eyelids also lowered.

To calm down, you need to control the flood of sensations. To control them, you need to focus, but to concentrate, you need to run away from these sensations.

『Child, why are you doing this here?』

『…I can’t sleep.』

To be precise, I don’t have the confidence to maintain a clear mind in this huge flood. The boy forced himself into silence, even holding his breath.

『Because of the test tomorrow?』

『Yes.』

One, two, three.

『You can do it as usual. What are you worried about? You always did a good job.』

『But… what if I make a mistake? So, if your score goes down… If we get eliminated…’

Four, five, six.

『Even if you make mistakes, I don’t think you’ll ever get to the point where you’ll be eliminated… Don’t you feel relieved even if I say this? Can I really pass? Everyone says I’m good at it, but is that really true? I honestly don’t think I’m really good at it, but I feel like I’m really lacking… All I can think about is that.』 『

…Oh, how.』

Seven, eight, nine.

『But you know. are you okay. It’s okay, Faust. It’s okay to make mistakes. There’s no way I’ll be eliminated, but even if I do, it doesn’t matter. Even if you passed the test or not, you were always a younger brother that we could be proud of.』

ten.

『So don’t feel pressured to do well. That kind of impatience actually makes things difficult for you. Maybe that compulsion could lead you to make more mistakes.』

『Gunya hyung…』

『Rest in peace. They say that it doesn’t matter if they fail or if they are eliminated. Anyway, no matter what mistakes you make or who you lose to, your parents, siblings, and I will always support you. You know that? Even if you don’t do it, no one will say anything.』

Faust continued his breathing. The heavy breathing began to return to its usual low beat.

『Yes, you are really fine. It’ll be okay.’

At the same time, my son-in-law’s voice, which was crushed and broken, leaving only the fact that I heard it, began to enter my ears.

『You will be okay, Faust….』

“Breathe. “You need to rest.”

That desperate voice was finally heard.

“Please take a breath…”

When did you kneel? The boy finally raised his head in front of a world he could properly perceive. The first thing that caught my eye was the dark blue hair, like chestnut.

“You have to call someone…”

“Brother.”

It was a color that still remained and made the boy’s world meaningful, even though many things had been broken and disappeared.

“…?”

“Gunya bro.”

The boy placed his hand on the navy blue one that hugged him. I could feel his heavenly water flowing through my broken soul, but it didn’t bother me much. I feel sorry for Gretchen, but the boy still did not accept his life.

“sorry.”

“…you.”

“really sorry.”

Yeah his life still has no value. There is no meaning to live in a life like this where thousands are sacrificed to live.

“I couldn’t protect anyone…”

However, if there is a reason to live even in such a worthless life, it is probably you.

“I couldn’t protect anyone…”

Because you are such a shining star and the night, you are the ones who provide salvation even to such foolish things. All I can do is cry and cry.