Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

Episode 322: If I Could (8)

I don’t know how much I cried. By the time I felt like the emotions that had been strangling me had been released a little, the scent of tea was already lingering in the room. It was a familiar and favorite scent.

“…Are you feeling relieved now?”

well. Can we say this is a relief? I slowly closed and opened my eyelids, letting go of the pile of emotions that had lessened but were still constricting me.

“…any.”

My throat, which had become hoarse from crying so much, was sore.

“Yes…”

The Archmage seemed to be disappointed by my reaction and led me to a subtle response, as if he could do that. As soon as the front of the sofa touched my knees, its purpose became clear.

I followed her wishes and sat down on the existing sofa. The soft leather supported my body.

Grumble.

While I was reclining on the sofa, the Archmage pulled the trolley that was near the door. Luxurious teaware and refreshments are placed sparsely on top of it.

I felt like I finally knew the source of the scent lingering in the room.

“The butler left it at the door earlier.”

So does that mean the butler saw me crying? I was sold for a moment, but then gave up. It was too late to save face. This was even more so at one point when he was not careful about what he could or could not say in front of the Archmage.

‘How will I answer later if they ask me what concept is…’

My mind became very distraught.

[don’t worry. Because I somehow blurted out the concept you shared without thinking.]

However, my anxiety was cut off by the angry words that followed.

‘Blur processing?’

[You are a human from another dimension. Even if we can translate text, we can’t translate conversation, so we just used some kind of translation magic. I added some optical illusion magic so you wouldn’t know that the shape of your lips and what you’re hearing are different… Anyway, so I turned them off from time to time so that I could hear through a moderate amount of filtering. Good job, right?]

As the explanation of anger continued, deep relief, subtle desperation, and intense irritation filled my empty heart.

Anyway, who is the reason I came up with the concept without knowing anything? Isn’t it because of this bastard in the first place?

‘It’s not like giving a bottle or giving medicine…’

[It’s better than just giving a bottle.]

I strongly imagined the image of my middle finger being raised. I was curious as to whether images as well as words could be conveyed, but unfortunately, there was no response, so confirmation was impossible.

Jororolok.

Meanwhile, regardless of whether I was greeted by Hyeonta or not, the Archmage carefully followed the tea. A color as clear as jade and a fragrant smell. I immediately knew what the tea was made from.

Those were the tea leaves that the Great Forest had given me in abundance, and that the Archmage had once brewed only for me.

“…Do you mind if I give you some tea?”

However, she hesitated for a moment as she poured the tea into her cup. Why? There was no need to seriously consider the reason.

I remembered a teacup that once cracked.

“…of course.”

Fortunately, there is no more gold in the new teacup. If I’m careful, there won’t be any new cracks.

I took the glass carefully to prevent something like that from happening again. A deep scent that I had not felt at the time touched the tip of my nose. It was much better.

Horok.

I admired the scent for a moment, then put my mouth to it and drank the tea. There was no heat that would burn the tongue. The tea leaves, steeped in water for an appropriate amount of time before boiling, swayed sweetly in the mouth.

I felt warm in both body and mind.

“You can say more.”

When the cup was finally emptied, the Archmage spoke. Grumble. Newly poured tea water in an empty teacup still contains warmth.

“…that.”

I was a little hesitant about that warmth. The hesitation was even greater because I remembered to some extent what kind of indecent behavior I had just shown and how harshly I had spoken.

“When poured water overflows, it usually happens when the cup exceeds the limit it can hold. But even if there is no more pouring and no more overflowing, the cup remains full. “It will stay that way forever unless you empty it.”

“…If it doesn’t overflow, there’s no need to empty it.”

“Well… a full cup will overflow if you touch it a little, and if you put in a little more, it will overflow. But do you really think there is no need to empty it?”

The emotions I had just poured out brought me some relief. So I tried to decline, but the Archmage had a different opinion.

Instead of placing a chair across from me, she sat side by side with our shoulders together and placed her hand on my back. Even though I was reluctant to be touched in any way, the touch didn’t feel bad for some reason.

“It’s okay. I am older than you and have enough free money to share with others. “I also have something else to atone for you.”

“….”

I was trying to deny that it wasn’t something I had to atone for, but then I made eye contact and quit.

“So I’m fine. Is it like that for you too? Are you really feeling better?”

Are you quitting this? Wasn’t it because he was speechless and couldn’t say it?

“…I am.”

I tried to trace some of the things I had said randomly just to vent. I thought of some of the mistakes I had made because I was in a hurry.

“I…”

That’s right.

So…

“…it’s not okay.”

Maybe, just maybe. That might be something they should apologize for. It may not be true objectively, but I don’t know if it might be so emotionally.

Because they hurt me as much as I hurt them. Because it must have been like that.

“I want to say it’s okay, but I just can’t.”

Okay, let’s admit it. I actually think I was hurt by them.

No, I’m not saying I thought I received it, I really received it.

“so painful.”

I finally confirmed that fact.

Even though it was unavoidable, their misunderstanding and the coercion that came from that misunderstanding bothered me a lot. I know that it can be difficult to believe due to the existence of the devil, but I really hated the uprightness that made it impossible to even explain… I finally accepted the truth that even if it was because I made a mistake first, it was really sad.

“It hurt so much…”

Then, one of the knots that had been building up out of control was released.

It had been a long time since Idaji felt relieved.

* * *

“May I… ask your true name?”

The Archmage seemed to think that I needed time to gather my thoughts after seeing my expression, and after waiting for a while, he asked a question.

“I’m asking because I don’t think it would be a good idea to keep calling you a demon knight. “If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to.”

I blinked my swollen eyes and thought a little.

“…It’s not that I don’t want to say it, but I can’t. “Because if the devil hears your name, you’ll be in trouble.”

“Ah… there was such a problem. “I understand.”

If I feel like it, I want to give it a name too. But if I say my name here, the devil might hear me. I played with my teacup, thinking of the devil stuck somewhere in my mind.

“Then… what do you want me to call you?”

“…well.”

Should I give you the nickname my friends used to call me? no. When I hear that, I’m sure I’ll keep thinking of my friends.

I erased the best option to erase my longing. The same was true for things derived from existing nicknames, such as the Seven Stars and Gunseong.

“Roughly… call me an adventurer.”

Then there was nothing special to call. I thought about using a pen name, but I felt like I would be in a lot of trouble if I did so, so I drifted in the other direction.

adventurer. It was the most common name used when referring to players in games.

“Adventurer… you mean?”

“Is it better to be a traveler?”

The Archmage’s expression looked a little embarrassed, but there was nothing to do. Although I am a creative person, I was not confident in coming up with a name without a dictionary or naming site.

“…I figured it out.”

In the end, the Archmage also accepted the common name.

“Instead, let’s come up with a more appropriate nickname later.”

I only agreed to it right away.

I rolled my eyes at her choice of the word ‘later.’ I don’t know how the temple will come out, so can the latter come to us?

“…Didn’t I tell you?”

When I refined the question appropriately and conveyed it to her, she was perplexed. “Oh, there was no time to say anything.” It wasn’t a long-lasting embarrassment.

“You don’t need to worry about that part.”

The Archmage relayed to me the results of the negotiations between her and the Meister. It wasn’t something I expected, but I was really happy that it was confirmed.

With this, I can confidently blend in with humans. Whether you are with them or not.

“Ah… and the meal will be coming soon… Lord Soseong found out that you skipped breakfast and personally requested this, so please listen to it.”

“…I guess so.”

“okay. They consider you a benefactor of the city and take care of various things for you. He also told me to rest in peace as it would not be too late to talk later. So don’t worry about staying here and get some rest.”

I was a little taken aback by the appearance of Soseongju, which I had forgotten about, but quickly responded calmly. I don’t know what kind of conversation Faust had with the lord of the castle, but I remember that the devil said that it ended well.

I don’t know about anything else, but he is someone who cares very much about the well-being of this body, so I’m sure he wasn’t lying. Even if it isn’t, it’s not like there’s anything you can do right now.

I decided to put Soseongju’s work aside for a while based on faith that was not that kind of belief. As the built-up emotions were released, thoughts like this started to flow very stably.

“If so… can I ask again? “What was difficult… or what was disappointing…”

However, when the topic of food came up, I suddenly felt hungry. I didn’t know that I felt it even more because the empty space of the emotions I had shaken off was empty.

I reached for the untouched refreshment. Wow. The cookies that crumbled in your mouth were very sweet, probably because they added a generous amount of sugar.

“Of course, I always had something to apologize for, but I think there were a lot of things I overlooked.”

“…Not really.”

Waajak, waajak. I ate with my mouth covered to prevent the crumbs from flying out and slowly moved my eyes. It was ‘specifically’ with a different meaning than before.

“…Is it too late to apologize?”

“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that… nothing comes to mind right away.”

There was no place to vent out the sadness that had been building up, so I just labeled it as ‘there is nothing I can do.’

And now, with the repeated attacks from Daniel and the Archmage, I realized that it would be better to prove that it was wrong.

“I don’t have the ability to classify the emotions that I’ve tried to ignore because they’re too painful to dwell on…”

But does that mean you can immediately attach a name to the label you removed? Even these are things that we have been ignoring and ignoring in order to somehow endure? It’s such a tangled mess?

…If I were to sneak in, I would immediately have to face the mistakes I made.

“Ah… I wasn’t considerate enough. “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t ask you to apologize, but…”

I chewed the cookie hesitantly.

“…I’m sorry too. “I have rudely refused your favor… and have acted rudely in many ways.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Still, you may have been hurt by that.”

“If you say that, I don’t even know where to start when I apologize.”

“…It was something that could not be helped.”

“You may have been hurt in front of that name, so you were the first to apologize.”

“….”

I see… Yes? I couldn’t find anything to refute what he said, so I put the cookie back in my mouth. Crispy. I realized it after I put it in my mouth, but that was the last time.

The Archmage looked at the empty plate and smiled happily.

“I’ve never really thought you were rude… well, not really, but I’ve never been hurt by it, so it’s okay. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“…still.”

“If it really bothers you, please don’t do that again.”

That’s a natural thing to say. The Archmage smiled slightly at my reaction and added a word.

“It would be good if you change your tone of voice a little more softly.”

Judging by the expression on his face, it probably seemed like he was joking. Considering all the crap I’ve shown so far, it may not be completely insincere, but it’s still just a joke that you can listen to and don’t mind if you don’t.

“Of course. No… of course.”

But I won’t miss this opportunity.

I calmly used an expression of honor, pretending to correct myself. Two seconds later, the smiling Archmage’s expression turned into one of astonishment. Why 2 seconds later? I think it was because my brain stopped momentarily and I couldn’t accept it.

“That, that, that.”

But what should I do? You were the first to tell me to change my tone of voice.

I drank the tea with satisfaction as I looked at the broken Archmage. My stomach felt warm.