Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

Episode 341 With These Hands (5)

If you think about it, the fall of the Great Temple was not sudden. It was evident that there were people who were aware of the crisis even before arriving in this city.

The fall of Daesinjeon was not an unexpected disaster, but a predicted disaster and a planned tragedy.

“Inquisitor…”

So when the Inquisitor heard of their deaths, he was not embarrassed.

I didn’t really have any hope anyway. From the moment I heard that Daesinjeon could be targeted, instead of hoping that no news was good news, I thought it was just a postponement of despair.

In any case, it is better to be negative and be thankful for unexpected luck than to be disappointed with only optimistic predictions. The smaller the possibility of that hope, the more so.

If you think pessimistically, at least in the worst case scenario, you can overlook it.

So it’s okay if reality turns out as expected in the end. Only the predicted results came. He had already prepared himself for the loss…. The young man persuaded himself endlessly and finally stood before the breakup he felt in his gut.

“Departure will be in two days.”

Despite all the preparations, my heart was truly aching.

The pain was so severe that I thought I would no longer be a warrior and should not ignore all the duties of a warrior and run there.

“You don’t have to strain yourself, Inquisitor. Even if I rest a little more…”

“Arch Mage.”

But at the same time, I don’t want to do that.

okay. The young man didn’t want to do that.

“I learned a lot at Daesinjeon.”

There are still many moments that I remember when I close my eyes and think of them.

The arms that held her as a child, the voice that quietly read a book to her, the hand that secretly pushed her snacks after hard training….

“The love of brothers and sisters, the wideness of the world, the viciousness of the devil… What was prepared for me? “Something like a mission.”

Of course, there were not always comfortable and happy moments. The title of warrior was a label that gave her more obligations than rights.

“There were painful days. “I often wondered why it was me.”

Standing next to grown-up Inquisitors, pushing my body until I vomit, studying demons while my younger brothers and sisters were free to play, dealing with them to the point of feverishness to increase my capacity for divine power… If I were asked to do it

again, I would be honest. I don’t even have the confidence to do it again. If you really have to do it, there’s nothing you can’t do, but it’s to the point where you almost want to avoid it.

“The reason I was able to overcome that difficult time was because there were people who stood by me and supported me every time I felt like I was about to break down.”

Someone will say That was too harsh. No matter how predestined the fate was, it was a harsh time for the child to endure.

But does that make their love shallow? Just because they were strict with her, does it mean that their feelings for her were a lie?

“I remember them.”

When she made a mistake in combat training, the instructor holding the cane cried in a place she couldn’t see. I can whip him now, but if I make a mistake in real life, he’ll get hurt or die. The instructor, who endlessly rationalized but could never forgive himself, had previously lost numerous students to the devil.

“I remember everything they taught me.”

The Heretic Questioner, who was injured while protecting her while she was out for training, asked her to be ruthless. This will happen to you a lot, and crying every time will actually make you suffer. The Heretic Questioner, who could no longer walk, was a veteran who had seen his colleagues retire more than fifteen times.

“I remember what the idol I most admired said.”

Therefore, because it was like that in the past.

She loved them and cherished everything they had left. Their loss was so precious that it shook her foundation.

“That’s why… I don’t want to quit.”

Therefore she does not go west.

“I will break this chain. “For me, for the people of the future, and for the people before me who worked hard for him.”

Because she, who has been taught by them, clearly knows how to move forward to a better future rather than being buried in grief.

“….”

“Two days are enough time to mourn. It won’t get better, but it won’t get worse either. “I promise.”

So, if you have made up your mind, all that is left is to follow your faith and go straight ahead.

Instead of reconsidering her decision, the Inquisitor acted according to her will. The story is that for two days, they mourned their lost hometown and those who had died, while also preparing to leave.

“You may leave.”

“What are you suddenly saying?”

“You have no reason to go on this journey together, right?”

In the process, she took care of things she should have done a long time ago.

“You followed him… the adventurer and joined him on this journey. But I won’t drag him into this journey any longer. Because he has already accepted a lot of my foolishness. So you don’t have to stay here watching me anymore. Go where you wish.”

Although it had been a long time coming, these were things that could no longer be ignored.

“But you had a hard time. You’ve had a very hard time doing it alone. “If you leave me here…”

However, the Inquisitor quietly pondered in front of the speaker, cowering as if he was speaking gibberish.

“Of course, I don’t have great power like Nari, and I’m not smart like Master Nari, so it won’t make a big difference if I have it or not…”

Ah. What do human relationships consist of?

What sustains a person and makes him live?

“What are you talking about? “Your existence itself has never been worthless just because your actual force was weak.”

As a child, she didn’t know much, but as she faces this moment, she seems to know a little bit.

“Anyway, if I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have existed now, so how could you be a meaningless person?”

Creating human relationships is the basis of maintaining a person’s life. In fact, isn’t it the life itself that we have built up to that point?

“Because you told me, I learned that not all sins are born from an evil heart. Because of what you showed me, I was able to make rational decisions without emotions in a crisis situation. “Because you were with me, I learned how to obtain information and act before facing various threats.”

Aren’t the events and accidents that occur while meeting other people and all the knowledge acquired in the process what makes one person and builds relationships?

“It’s all what you taught me.”

“…You just realized that on your own.”

“No, these things were possible because of you. “If it were just me, I would never know.”

“Well…”

God exists everywhere. The Inquisitor pondered the words written in the scriptures. She can now read two meanings from that phrase.

“It’s a joke.”

“…why.”

“I will be honest. “I hope you will continue to be with me.”

“….”

“But I won’t catch you if you leave. “It’s not because I don’t need you or because you’re not helpful, but because I’ve already received so much from you.”

“….”

“Even if you leave, the lessons you gave me will remain forever. Just as the knowledge I learned from the priests of the Great Temple still remains with me.”

Also, from the moment the sentence was divided into two meanings, she was no longer afraid of separation.

“So it’s okay. Even without you, I will move forward using the things you taught me as a compass. “I will endure the empty space left by the adventurer’s departure by filling it with the wisdom and warmth he has shared with me so far.”

Of course, I would feel uncomfortable in my seat and sad about the warmth that had disappeared. There will be pain you feel every time you look back on your mistakes, and what you lost as a result will hurt like a piece of flesh being sliced open.

“Mangjong.”

There are definitely things that remain in the ship. As if even loss is ultimately a trace of it.

“I will face endless choices in the future, I may make irreparable mistakes due to foolishness, and I may continue to wander for a long time due to ignorance.”

Suddenly, the Inquisitor recalled the memory of that day. It was a memory of the moment I chased after the adventurer and confronted him.

“One is fine.”

Even in that terrible situation, did he ask for a chance for her? However, the horse asked for a chance, and it was she, not he, who really received the opportunity.

“Even at that moment, I will remember your warmth that once protected me.”

A chance to apologize, a chance to correct mistakes, a chance to realize all of this and grow.

It was completely undeserved compared to what she had done.

“I will move forward relying on that memory. “Even if layers of regret pile up, despair tightens around my neck, and sadness holds on to my ankles, I will swim as far as I can to get to where I can.”

So what can you do? There are so many people who cared for her even in the face of the greatest tragedy, so she has no choice but to stand up again.

I have no choice but to adore you, grieve over your absence, and hold on to the opportunity you gave me and move towards the future…

“That is my future, which I have decided.”

The young man decided to live his life not as a warrior. Although he was a mess, he managed to carve a direction in his life that stood on his own with the help of someone else.

Then I felt really sad and at ease.

“…And what if it really collapses? “If something comes that you really can’t beat…!”

“Does not matter.”

She is no longer a warrior.

“If I fail, will the world be ruined?”

I will never become a warrior.

The young man threw the broken shackles into the wide world. The pressure that had been on her shoulders was finally lifted.

It was freedom.

“…San.”

“I will go see the adventurer soon.”

“…!”

That freedom also allowed her to make decisions.

“You probably won’t be forgiven. I gave up any hope that the relationship would continue. “I know that’s my desire and that it’s too much.”

“….”

“Still, I want to see him and apologize. “Because I don’t want to remain a foolish and dirty being until the end.”

“….”

“Are you going too?”

“…No, if we go together… we may not be able to convey our true feelings properly… so we will go separately.”

“okay.”

She will go to meet the hero who brought about and resolved the biggest ups and downs in her life.

In order not to fall on your back even now that I have grown thanks to your consideration.

* * *

“Are you here, adventurer?”

Did you come back to your room after going out? An unexpected visitor was waiting for me.

“…Inquisitor.”

The red-haired young man frowned slightly at my choice of words. I don’t hate it, but it seems awkward.

“It feels strange. “I hoped that there would be a day when you would call me properly… but I never thought that day would really come.”

However, that feeling of awkwardness is different from feeling visibly embarrassed or strange. It’s just literally awkward.

So I was relieved by that fact. If he had seemed to be seriously concerned about my change in attitude, I would have felt a little anxious.

“Is this idiot better than this?”

“Hmm… it’s hard to choose.”

“…Is being called an idiot something worth worrying about?”

“No, it’s not that I like being called by derogatory terms…”

Separately, your face seems to have changed a bit since I saw you yesterday.

“…When you call me that, it makes me feel like I’m just a priest and a brat, not a warrior carrying the fate of the world. “I liked that.”

In fact, it was as if I lost my hometown overnight. There’s nothing strange about having half your face. I convinced myself that way.

“…I guess so.”

“…But that doesn’t mean I don’t like it now. “Please call me whatever you want.”

It didn’t go well. Something very small stuck in my heart like millet.

“…Adventurer, what kind of person was I to you?”

…My cheeks are thin, but strangely I don’t feel sad about it.

“…You mean?”

“It’s okay if it’s just rough. I will also tolerate negative reviews. “Please answer only with sincerity.”

It’s okay to say the affection has fallen. I definitely sympathize with her situation and find it pitiful. It doesn’t seem like the affection has fallen.

I don’t just feel sorry for my dry cheeks, which are no longer round. The mind itself was moving, but its color was not blue.

“You…”

If you ask me, this is a yellow color with a touch of fuss.

“He is frustratingly upright due to his lack of experience, but he knows how to admit his own shortcomings and is willing to learn endlessly…”

The splendor of pastel colors, like when you see a baby bird successfully taking its first flight.

“…But he’s just one person I’m worried about because he’s carrying such a heavy mission.”

“okay.”

The red-haired young man smiled brightly at once. The firm cheeks and refreshingly curved eyes no longer make the word ‘young’ uncomfortable.

“I was just another person to you.”

Ah, then the realization came.

“Adventurer.”

It’s not that you have thin cheeks, it’s that you’ve lost breast fat.

“Thank you so much.”

You are finally becoming an adult, letting go of being a fully grown child.

“I am truly grateful for the life debt I have incurred and for the many misfortunes and tragedies that I have not had to experience due to your dedication… Lastly, I am truly grateful for the many opportunities you have given me.”

I quietly looked down at my lower back.

The hair that did not cover my neck before we parted ways has now grown to a length that allows for a ponytail. This is proof that we have been apart for a long time.

“If I had reached this moment without meeting you, I would definitely have been distrustful, despairing, frustrated, and a mess in the face of this news. “The reason I didn’t do that was purely because of the teachings you gave me.”

At the same time, time brings growth in people. The budded roses are ready to bloom.

“…I didn’t tell you anything.”

“No, you told me through your actions. “How to not give in to miserable despair, how to reach out to others even in the midst of great suffering, and how to have courage until the end instead of resignation and giving up.”

It was an extreme change and a very natural trend. It takes more time to turn a child into an adult, but that time can be replaced with dense experiences.

“These are all things I couldn’t have learned if you hadn’t given me the opportunity.”

“I never gave it a chance.”

“No, you gave me a lot.”

Ah, it is so damn splendid.

“Thank you for accepting my stubbornness so far. Thank you also for patience with my inconvenience. “I am truly grateful that you tolerated my foolishness that you did not have to endure, and that you reached out to me until the end even though I caused you great pain.”

Why do children grow up with only loss?

“I’m sorry at the same time.”

There was no will to watch the child grow until the end. I love it, but I’m too tired to devote myself to that level. I also know that it takes a lot of effort to grow as a person.

“I am truly sorry for the same reason I am grateful.”

But I didn’t want this. I experienced as many people as possible, fought with some, saw them, and became friends with them. I saw them even if things went wrong for a moment, and I hoped to grow like that. I didn’t hope to grow by losing something this huge.

“I don’t dare ask for forgiveness. Even if you decide to end our relationship, I will gladly accept it.”

“….”

“But, adventurer, you were my hero and I will forever admire you.”

Even so, I cannot sympathize with him. The eyes of a child who had become an adult through loss were so upright and firm. They belonged to a person who was already ready to overcome grief, so I couldn’t bear it.

“Even if this is our last time, I will remain grateful and sorry to you for the rest of my life, and I will move forward with the lessons you left behind in my heart.”

Sometimes sympathy can be an insult in itself.