Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 503: A Christmas Eve without Santa... Still a Christmas Eve!

Maybe a Fake Gintama Chapter 503 A Christmas Eve without Santa... Still a Christmas Eve!

"Isn't it still an American drama in the end?!" Gintoki shouted angrily.

"Stop it right there! You brat!" Umibouzu's veins bulged as he scolded, then pointed at himself.

"Please think carefully again, Kawaki-dono," Kyubei spoke up, "Although the mincemeat pies are very close, they're not it!"

"Hey, how close are we getting?" Gintoki muttered silently.

"Well, you see," Kawaki got up once again, dusting himself off casually as if nothing happened, and said helplessly to the three, "When it comes to Christmas, it's originally a holiday from Western countries, right? No matter how much I think about it, all I can come up with is turkey and mincemeat pies from American dramas."

"No! There's still one decisive thing left!" they all answered simultaneously.

"...I'm sorry, I really can't remember," Kawaki said with a furrowed brow after thinking for a long time with his eyes closed.

"Think harder! Use that poor brain of yours!" Gintoki pointed at himself and said to Kawaki.

"Don't give up! If you don't give up, you'll definitely remember!" Umibouzu pointed at himself and at the same time said, "Even with a brain like yours, it should be simple! The answer is right here in this yard!"

"Yes! Kawaki-dono!" Kyubei nodded and chimed in loudly.

"Hey, have you guys figured it out?" Kawaki asked the people inside the house.

"I don't know-aru," Kagura, still cuddling in Kouka's arms, replied nonchalantly.

"Tamagoyaki," Otae squinted and smiled, raising her index finger at the same time.

"A Christmas greeting card..." Seita sat on the ground, hugging his legs, looking at the Christmas greeting card in front of him with a melancholic expression while muttering to himself.

"Is it this?" Tsukuyo pointed to two buckets of lubricant that appeared out of nowhere.

"Seita's perfect test paper," Hinowa squinted and smiled.

"A reliable sister-in-law!" A Hyakka chimed in.

"Otsuu-chan!" Shinpachi took over.

"Tae-chan!" Kyubei interjected.

"Spending Christmas with my wife and daughter," Umibouzu raised his hand.

"Hiccup..." Hasegawa, already quite drunk, lay on the ground and added his comment.

"Kawaki-sama's [Beep——]!" the members of Hyakka chorused.

"None of those are right! Not even close!" Gintoki exclaimed frantically. 

"Since that test paper, it's completely become your own wishes! Speaking of which, things started to go downhill from those glasses! It seems like there's even a wife running away with a certain pair of sunglasses! Hey—! Cut it out, you bastards! This is definitely intentional!"

With that, Gintoki turned to Kyubei and Umibouzu beside him. "Hey, why did you two get involved in the topic just now? Are you idiots? You're the ones who should be asking questions!"

"Well, for me, Christmas Eve without Tae-chan can't be called Christmas Eve," Kyubei replied solemnly.

"Shut up!" Gintoki shouted frantically.

"Well, I agree with the answers about having a reliable sister-in-law and spending Christmas with my wife and daughter," Umibouzu raised his hand and said, then thought to himself, 'This answer is really good! As long as there's a sister-in-law, that brat will definitely give up on Kouka!.'

"You shut up too!" Gintoki growled with a fierce expression, his veins bulging as he shouted.

"Haha! Looks like you're all too embarrassed to say that name!" a voice of a certain gorilla stalker came from over the wall.

"You're...!" Kawaki's pupils slightly narrowed.

Immediately afterward, everyone turned their heads and looked over at the same time. They saw Kondo, who was cosplaying Santa Claus and carrying a gift bag, standing on the wall.

"Ah, it's a Gorilla," Kawaki squinted his eyes and said nonchalantly, completing his interrupted sentence.

"Indeed, it's a Gorilla-aru," Kagura nodded in agreement.

"Without a doubt, it's a Gorilla, dressed as Santa Claus," Otae nodded, then made a puzzled expression. "But why is a gorilla on my backyard wall? And why is he wearing that outfit?"

"Probably... lured by the scent of bananas on the dining table," Kyubei nodded and rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Indeed, that seems to be the only possibility," Umibouzu murmured, analyzing, "The possibility of a gorilla suddenly appearing on Christmas Eve is probably only because of this."

"Hey, hurry up and give him the bananas, this kid looks like he's starving," Gintoki said with a serious expression, addressing the people inside the house.

"Hey! You guys are way too rude, you bastards!" Kondo complained with widened eyes, "Why do you just keep going along with the gorilla's topic like that? That's not it! Although there's a very subtle similarity, it's not that!"

"No, that's not just a subtle similarity, it's a complete resemblance," Kawaki commented expressionlessly.

"My name is Gorilla Claus!" Kondou continued on his own, "Unfortunately, I wasn't lured here by the scent of bananas, but by the smell of the female gorilla here! You three who didn't dare to say that answer should just leave early! From now on, this forest belongs exclusively to me, Monkey Claus! I absolutely won't allow anyone to harm the female gorilla in this forest!"

"Who are you calling female gorilla!" Otae's face instantly turned blue with anger as she gritted her teeth and cursed.

"Miss Otae!" Kondo suddenly became enthusiastic, shouting passionately, "Every night I spend with you, even in midsummer, will become a holy night! As long as you have needs, I'm your exclusive Santa Claus 365 days a year! Tonight will definitely not just be a holy night, that's right! Tonight will be a holy night where we spend a wonderful night together..."

Before he could finish, a huge light purple package came flying from behind Kondo at high speed, crashing heavily into his back and sending both Kondo and the package flying into the courtyard.

Amidst the loud crash upon landing, Kondo's screams could be heard.

"Um... I'm really sorry," a voice came from the continuously wriggling light purple package, "Excuse me, has Gin-san come here? I've been looking for him for a long time..."

As the voice spoke, Sacchan popped her head out from the bag. "I want to give him a gift, where did he go?"

"Well, actually, my friend just saw him in hell," Kawaki said casually, "If you want to find him, you'll have to die to go. You'll probably meet him at the Sanzu River."

"Thank you, I'll go now..." Sacchan reacted before she finished speaking and said angrily, "How is that possible? Bastard!"

"You guys are really annoying…" Kawaki sighed, "What are you all trying to do, crashing into someone else's party?"

"Of course, it's Santa Claus!" several people chimed in.

"Huh? Santa Claus?" Kawaki stared at them strangely, "Why would you want to be that disgusting old man?"

"That's because…"

Before Kondo could finish, Kawaki interrupted him again.

"That's enough, no need to say anymore," Kawaki waved his hand dismissively, "I don't want to hear those boring reasons, but there's one thing I hope you all understand…"

Kawaki narrowed his eyes, a smile playing on his lips as he continued lightly, "If you continue to ruin the atmosphere of our party here, I really will slaughter you all."

'Killing Intent?' Umibouzu frowned, thinking, 'Impressive, I've never seen such substantial killing intent in all these years... but…'

"Yoshiwara Boss, I believe that none of us here ever wanted to ruin the party atmosphere," Kondo said seriously while crossing his arms, "It's quite the opposite, each of us wants to add something to improve the atmosphere of the party!"

"That's right! Christmas Eve without Santa Claus isn't Christmas Eve at all!" Umibouzu took over.

"There is only one real Santa Claus who can join the party!" Gin said earnestly.

"Which one is it? Please make a choice!" Kyubei took over.

"No, I don't want to join your party, I just came to give Gin-san a gift," Sacchan spoke up, "And can you hurry up and hand over Gin-san, because it's cold down here with only fruits..."

Before Sacchan could finish speaking, Gintoki kicked her directly, sending her and the package she was carrying into the nearby small pond with a splash.

Amidst the sound of water splashing, Sacchan's screams could be heard.

"Of course, the real Santa Claus is me!" Gin pointed confidently at himself.

"I won't make any concessions!" Kyubei said, "I'm the Santa Claus who can bring happiness to Tae-chan... no, Santa Kyubei!"

"It's me!" Kondo said, holding his hands, "I'm the Santa Claus who wants happiness from Miss Otae!"

"No, if you say it in that way, then my sister is Santa Claus…" Shinpachi retorted quietly.

"In this world... no, this party only needs one Santa Claus…" Umibouzu smiled, his face showing full sincerity.

"No, we don't need one," Kawaki casually interjected.

"Huh? What did you just say?" UmibouzuUmibouzu's expression visibly froze.

"I mean, our party doesn't need Santa Claus at all," Kawaki shrugged, continuing, "If you invite an old man like that to attend, the whole party will smell like old age."

"Smells with old age? No, I don't want it! Gross!" Otae said, disgusted.

"For me today, Little Uncle is the real Santa Claus, so we don't need that stinky old man-aru," Kagura spoke up.

"Yes, today's Kawaki-san is already a perfect Santa Claus," Shinpachi looked happily at the handshake ticket in his hand, "Thank you, Kawaki Claus!"

"Alcohol is the real Santa Claus!" the drunken Hasegawa yelled inarticulately, "It can make me forget everything and even let me have sweet dreams, the real Santa Claus!"