Surviving a Harsh Fantasy with Cheat Items (WN)

Chapter 82.3: Conversation with Asama

Do you really want me to tell you? If you forcibly dig up the memories you wanted to forget, you will suffer.

What if I still want to know?

If you recovered those episodic memories accurately, youre going to be mentally impo.

Eh.?

Impo is it? What kind of goddess would say impotent?

However, Ill be mentally damaged if I remember, thats scary!

Maa, do you think Im lying when I said that about your memory?

You are a goddess-sama, I dont think youll lie.

.I mean, dont you think its weird?

What is?

No normal high school student can sleep in the arms of a cute quarter beast girl, or a loli demon, or the thick Ria, while being wrapped in the scent of ladies who were swooning him. Resisting aside, you are even irritated as if you cant stand it anymore!

Now that you mention it..

I understand but why do you have to say it in a vulgar way?

Somehow, your character is gradually breaking.

Youre not impotent because youve forgotten your memories but because youre defense mechanism making you not get into a relationship with them. Youre afraid to get involved deeply with the opposite sex. In the end, all of your problems can be traced back to that. Its like a fishbone stuck in your throat that wont let go. Thats is what exactly whats happening to you.

..I see.

Im sure youre wondering so Ill tell you objectively about how you are before you transmigrated. In your original world, you were estranged from your family, though you were not on bad terms, and you had no girlfriend nor close friends at school. Im sure you know this.

Nothings clear though.

Thinking about the past is like looking at someone elses life.

I was lonely and not involved with anyone. I didnt particularly want to be like that but thats what happened.

You were estranged and had no place anywhere but you were absolutely strong. Your soul is in solitude but you are strong. If it continues that way, you wouldnt even consider going to another world and will just continue to live alone and eventually, die alone.

If I didnt mind being alone, why did I chose to go to another world?

Well, it wasnt until a particular event happened to you in your original world. You made your first close friend. It was a girl but shes not your lover. Even so, shes someone who connected with you on a deep level.

If that is the case, wouldnt I want to stay in my previous world more?

Even if its not a lover, I have someone I care about.

Thinking about it now, Im sure Ill do anything to protect her.

What if the moment each of you fully understands and fully connected with each other, that girl disappeared from the world without a trace?

Thats.

I dont know. Is that what really happened to me?

The most important person in my life disappeared, does that mean that she died?

To say it frankly, the shock of losing the first person you ever cared about was too much for you to bear. That time, your family, schoolmates, and all the people in your area died so nothing is holding you back.

Thats sublime.

I cant imagine it, not the present me.

However, given the tingle on my chest, it must have happened.

Even if your memory was sealed with an unabashed face and you tried to continue living, you still suffered a deep wound that your heart that you can no longer get it up.

Please, dont say I cant get it up

For a boy at your age to not be able to get it up, thats quite something!

I know it already so please stop saying I cant get it up.

If the goddess is like this, the saints and saintesses wont be different.

As for my tragic past, I felt something in my chest but that means its not broken.

I mean, theres more to it. Im shocked that Im an impo in my former world too.

How should I take it?

With the power given to you by your one and only soul friend, who no longer exists anywhere, you chose to erase all your painful memories and came to this world. It was a coincidence that this world was chosen but looking at it now, you have already found a lot of people you care for in this world.

If that is the case, should I live in this world permanently?

The goddess thought a little and then answered.