The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 331: Souvenir Loot

There were many stairs between the Red Chapel and the exit from the crypts, and Ozzy was familiar with each and every one of them by the time he was done pushing the unfinished altar stone to the top. He couldn't have done it without everyone else in the crew. Ben and Rolly kept the stone balanced on the edge and upright so he could apply his strength to roll it up the stairs. They held it steady on the landings every twenty steps while he caught his breath and then helped him pivot the stone to move up the next set of twenty stairs. Suzette emptied her pouches of stamina and healing potions, then passed the chore of carrying the wounded Fae Lord to Billy and Layla so she could help as well. Her strength was only nine, but that was enough to lift over two tons with the bonuses all contract workers received. One of the nobles led the way with the wounded Fae, while the other stayed behind the group, watching for ghouls or anything else that tried to take advantage of them.

Squirmie lacked hands, mass, the Haul skill, and any inclination to help push. But like Rolly, she could transfer stamina and had a monstrous amount to work with. She attached herself to Ozzy's back and fed stamina into him constantly to replenish the energy he was using to push the huge slab of Red Granite up the stairs. The job took hours. Every push up the stairs had to be perfect and deny the round rock a chance to crush them as it rolled to the bottom. Finally, they came to a large landing facing a blank wall with a lever on one side. Ozzy and Rolly carefully leaned the stone to one side against the side wall while Ben checked for traps as best he could. Finally, he gave up, said a prayer, and pulled the lever. Stone moved aside, and they saw the anteroom of the dungeon and the path out. Against the far wall was a loot chest.

Billy rubbed his hands with glee and approached the chest. Three items appeared above the chest, slowly rotating: A necklace of bloody teeth, a silver bracelet with dangling bones, and a blood-red T-shirt. Bill read off the descriptions and swore. "Damn, when they said 'tacky loot,' they really meant it! This stuff is junk."

Suzette peered closely at the items. "They look horrible, but each one has a benefit to it. You need a better level of Identity to see all the abilities."

You Won! Pick a prize and make sure to tell everyone where you got it.

Bloody Ghoul's Teeth: This ever-bleeding necklace retains some of the berserk power of a pack of hungry ghouls. The wearer gains +20 Damage to slashing and piercing attacks.

Silver Knucklebone Charm Bracelet: A stylish piece of jewelry that was popular among Undead Hunters a century ago. But does bone ever go out of style? Grants +30 Mitigation vs. Undead.

Souvenir T-Shirt: A lovely T-shirt with the face of your host, Sartorius, and the catchy phrase: "I Killed the Boss of the Red Chapel, and all I got was a T-shirt!". This item counts as under armor padding, granting +10 Mitigation and +2 CON, and will never show bloodstains.

Armed with better knowledge, both Billy and Layla took the T-shirts. Layla smiled at the thought. "We need to both wear these when we go shopping in the capital. Free advertising, and I'll look great in a tight red shirt."

Ozzy took the Bloody Necklace and tucked it under his apron. "Not like anyone is going to notice an additional stain."

Ben debated, then took the necklace. "Something to keep in a pack for situations just like this." Suzette agreed and took the same item.

Both Rolly and Squirmie grabbed the Teeth. Squirmie immediately started chewing on her set and swallowed the item down in less than a minute while everyone watched, fascinated or horrified.

"Does she always eat magic items? That seems like an expensive pet." Layla had just watched a valuable item get turned into a snack, and the greedy loot-monger in her rebelled at the thought.

She flapped her razor-sharp wings for emphasis. Rolly petted her head and bit down on his own necklace, chewing up the teeth one at a time. Ben was fascinated.

"You too? Did you get that power from Squirmie?"

The two of them giggled a little. Tastes like Chicken 4 and a bonus of two synergy levels!>

Billy looked at Layla, confused. "We didn't put in levels for Tastes like Chicken. It was just a perk to help you eat any slop we had to feed you, like groats and bone soup. What the hell?"

Rolly rolled his eyes and kept eating. Squirmie floated in the air in front of the Baron. Consume Prey 6. Yes, that must have been it. >

More would have been said, but a last item appeared. It was an oak plaque, suitable for mounting on a wall, with the taxidermized head of Sartorius. Underneath was a small brass plate with their names and the words "Slain in by these Brave Heroes during the War to End the Threat of Ghoulish Aggression."

Billy was immediately making plans for it. "This is going to look great in the foyer of the ACME building. Awesome."

Suzette shook her head. "Sorry, not yours. This is the dungeon keeper's bonus loot and belongs to Mama's Brewhouse. You can stop by and visit it when you need a fresh-brewed cup of java."

Billy wasn't going to be denied. "I'll buy it then!"

"You'll have to talk to Mama Laveau then. She was very insistent on you not having any say in how things were run."

The Baron let out a sigh. "This is going to cost me; I can see that now. I'll go talk to the very nice old lady who scares the piss out of me. Now let's get out of here. I have to call a meeting and put some professors to work figuring out the runes on that rubble. You kids can take a break and catch your breath. Once we get that rock outside, we can get some help to cart it over to the ACME building and start work on putting the pieces of rubble back together to figure out the runes. A teleporter here in the city will let us crank up the profits."

Billy and Layla exited the dungeon, leaving five tired people and a big rock.

Ozzy remembered the way Squirmie was breathing like a dragon during the fight. "Did you really feed Squirmie TheLegendary Gauntlets of Gauderang the Vile?

Rolly nodded his head in agreement. "We shared. Squirmie took the right one, and I got the left. Not the weirdest thing I've eaten. The scales on my armor are harder, and acid doesn't bother me now, just like wearing them full time." He held up a hand and formed a copy of the gauntlet. "I like the look. Knight in shining dragon scale armor. Classic Larry Elmore."

"And four levels of Taste like Chicken gave that ability?"

Rolly pointed to Squirmie. "What she just said. Smart bug."

Ben had been thinking about something and brought up his idea now that they were alone. "I have something to discuss, based on my past addiction to sipping well-brewed caffeinated beverages in quaint places. I already ride miles to the Tea House when I have the time, and this new place will be just a small detour each day. I fear my coffee bill will be quite high. I'd like to propose that we allow donations of magic items, and when they sell, that much is subtracted off a person's account."

"Ah, which is why you took the Necklace when you use a thrusting weapon." Ozzy had thought that was an odd choice.

Suzette laughed. "I did the same! These will be easy to sell to players. Anyone with a sword will get the extra damage. And I like the idea. We take in items from players and slowly pay out in coffee, on which we have a high-profit margin. Having more items for sale will bring in more customers, even if it's just to look at the décor."

Ben tossed his necklace to Suzette. "I look forward to my first cup. But now that we've caught our breath, we need to get the hell out of here. What do we do with him? He's still sleeping, and his heartbeat is steady, but we must get him to a major healer."

Ozzy had been thinking about that problem. "Let's all go out together, and if it looks safe, Ben can take Suzette and him and ride for the Maple Tree. Rolly can get a work crew to help with the rock so the ghouls don't steal it back, and Squirmie and I can stand guard."

Ben nodded, and Suzette checked the patient before Ozzy helped her with the backpack. "This is far outside my knowledge of the Fae, but I can't see us getting in trouble for assisting with his troubles. Ipskay anyway awktay of escuingray." Fae could be tricky about big debts, paying them off in ways you didn't expect or want.

Two dead ghouls were lying on the ground, testimony to a short fight with Billy and Layla. Otherwise, the graveyard was quiet and empty. Ben whistled for Mudhead, who galloped to his side in less than a minute. Ozzy picked up Suzette and put her behind Ben, and they rode off, moving far too fast for any ghoul to stop them. They were out the front gates of Gadobhra and riding for the Maple tree within a minute. Ozzie and Squirmie waited alone with a mounted ghoul's head and a slab of red granite. Ghouls gathered in the shadows as evening came on but slunk away quickly when Rolly returned with twenty beefy contract workers and a flatbed wagon they used for hauling heavy stones from the quarry.

"What's the plan, Boss?"

Ozzy pointed to the center of Gadobhra. "A little urban redevelopment. We clear a path thirty feet wide straight through the graveyard, stacking the headstones to the side and demolishing the crypts. Anything that disagrees, we teach a lesson about messing with us. Billy wants it inside the ACME building. If the door isn't wide enough, we make a bigger door. And after that, I'm taking a nap."