The Chimeric Ascension of Lyudmila Springfield

Chapter Eighty-Five: Relationship Growths – Part One

“Irisa? It’s me…” I knocked on the door and peeked in. She was there, sitting in the bed with her lion curled in her lap.     

“Mi—Mila! Umm—It’s—”    

“I’m sorry, Irisa.” I closed the door and sat beside her. Her eyes were reddened from her rubbing, and her nose was runny.     

“But—”    

Suddenly, I hugged her. And we fell to bed. She was like putty in my arms as a torrent of emotions unloaded over my chest.     

And the girl I loved…showed me her weakness.     

She confessed to me a bunch of things.     

How she couldn’t focus on her training with Dad because she was worried about me.     

How she couldn’t finish her meals because her appetite was gone.  

How she dealt with the nightmares infecting her dreams that showed my death.     

How she still couldn’t get over killing those pirates on the boat.     

How… How she was so afraid…that my desire for revenge would drive us apart…    

How she wasn’t confident she could keep up with me, Sekh, Surtr, Niva, and the others…    

Irisa was so tormented by a dozen different feelings she spiraled into a crippling depression every night, after dark, without fail.    

She kept her harrowing thoughts to herself and dealt with them without wanting to worry anyone.   

“Mila… I’m so scared…” Irisa hugged me tighter. “You’re so strong. And I’m not. You can fight. And I can’t."   

“What do you want me to do? Say it. Say anything, and I’ll do it. I swear I'll make you happy.”    

“No… You won’t… It’s impossible for you…”    

“Try me. I make the impossible possible. If I can’t, then Tris'll think of a way.”   

And then…    

Irisa asked me something…I couldn’t hope to give her…    

“After the Heptarchis… After this is done…and we find Grandma and Grandpa… And when Sekh is back… Stay with us… You’re happy with us, right? With mom and dad? And Niva and Primrose? We can live as a family. We can be happy. Ignore Meruria and the others. Please, stay with us...”   

“…You know I can’t do that.” I swore I felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces.     

“But why?!” she cried.     

“Lyudmila Vredi Springfield only exists because I swore my revenge.” Without it, Sekh wouldn’t have sensed my soul and summoned me. I wouldn’t have met Mom, Dad, or Irisa, and Tilde would be elsewhere. Niva would probably be fed to a pack of wild animals because Noelia was a bitch. Primrose? Probably inside Aetos. Erin? My sweet little sister’s life would be hell. Karen would probably die if I wasn’t here, but Erin would have had to survive alone.   

Chax and Ginnie? Dead. Probably after birthing the next generation of goblins.     

“I love you with all my heart. I love Mom and Dad. You know I do. But…I’m sorry, Irisa… I cannot forgo my revenge. If I do, it means forgetting myself. It means ignoring a vow to free Sekh from her curse.”    

“But… But… Mila!!! What about me?! I can’t follow you when you do that! I’m not strong enough. I don’t have the courage! I’m just some weak oni… I’m only good at one thing…and that’s not enough to help you… Even if I was brave enough to follow you, what could I do? I can’t…handle killing… It scares me… I know I’m naïve. I’m being dumb… An oni as old as me? Still feeling so afraid? I still act as if I'm a little girl! And I-- I..." Irisa cried and whimpered. She hugged me tighter. “I don’t want you to leave! I don’t like that fate keeps dragging you away... Why do you have to go to the Heptarchis?! Why can’t Lady Plymoise protect Plymoise herself? You said you wouldn’t leave for a while, but you’re about to... You’re about to leave me again!”   

Is it time? Should I bring it up? Her life should be hers, not mine.   

“Irisa… You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re important to me. I won’t let you talk like that about yourself… I just won’t… But I don’t want your life to revolve around me. Are you training with Dad because you want to get stronger? Or is it because you want to help me? Is it for self-growth, or is it for me?”   

“...”   

“You’re your own person, Irisa.”   

“But--”   

“You’re your own person,” I repeated it. My heart hurt. “Just please, don’t let your life revolve around me. I know...that might be hurtful.” Irisa tried to push me away, but she suddenly pulled me back.    

I wanted to say more, but maybe silence was the correct choice. I held Irisa closer to my chest and let her vent her heart. Eventually, she fell asleep. Irisa’s lion jumped on the bed and curled next to us, and I remained awake to gently rub her back throughout the night.     

---

Morning eventually rolled around, but we did not move. We didn’t get out of bed when Delouise knocked on the door, and we were still in bed when the lunch call happened. I told Tris to let everyone know I was comforting Irisa.    

I told Mom and Dad what Irisa confessed via waypoint messaging. We talked about that for a while. Dad confided and said Irisa didn't have any heart in their training. She half-heartedly gave up. Him, Mom, and Erin were there for her. Irisa often hugged Mom and wandered to her room multiple times to hug her. 

Then I spoke to Tilde via waypoint messaging. She was relaxing in the bath in our room.    

“You must decide what’s important. Is it your revenge? Or is it your family? Depending on how the future unfolds, you might have a difficult choice ahead of you.”    

You know I can’t ignore my revenge. I told Irisa last night. Why do I have to pick and choose? Why can’t I have both? Revenge first, and then family? It’s not that hard.    

“But it is, Master. Were it so easy, you wouldn’t have stories or fables with the consequences of revenge as the primary lesson. However, if anyone can do it, it’ll undoubtedly be you. Just know that I’ll support you. I’ll always be on your side.”    

I thanked Tilde and closed the map window. Instantly, my thoughts went to the woman in my arms…   

Irisa eventually woke hours later in a hazy daze of confusion.    

“You feel better?”   

“Uh-huh… Did… What time is it?”   

“You’ve been asleep the whole day.”   

“The whole day?!” Her eyes went wide. I nodded. “Were you here the whole time?!”   

“Yep. I was. I couldn’t forgive myself if I left you alone.”   

“I’m sorry about last night...”  

“Don’t be. Hey, are you hungry? Tris saved us plate.” Irisa nodded. “Let’s head down and eat.”    

“Okay…” Irisa stumbled over her feet. I caught her in my arms and held her close until she was steady.    

She was built. Her toned abs and defined muscles… I loved resting my head against her stomach, with her strong arms holding me close.    

But Irisa had a meek side. Physical brawn didn’t correlate to mental fortitude.     

Her whole world was uprooted. That would affect anyone.   

In the dining room, I saw Erin and Ginnie in their pajamas. Longtooth was curled in my sister’s lap, and I heard her purr.    

“Someone decided to get out of bed,” Ginnie joked.    

“Irisa, I just used that oil. How do they look?” Erin seemed proud of her proof of lineage. Her horns were probably her favorite thing since it was a connection she shared with her family.    

“They look good.” Irisa sat beside her half-sister and rubbed her head. Erin’s tail thumped against the chair. I joined her, and we unwrapped our plates, chatting while we ate.     

Shortly after my departure, fear ran through the city. The people were obviously not ready for a full-blown war. Drafting soldiers from the surrounding villages always diminished morale.    

But then the people became confused. They were warned of war, but where was it? Gretchen had to announce something to ease the citizens. She merely said things were under control.    

The day Tris announced my success was when she told the city. Almost everyone in town knew of the High Elf of Liberation.     

It would probably take a couple more days for a letter to arrive from Orchta. Until then, I had time on my hands—time I would spend with my loved ones.    

I hadn’t spent much with them.    

I needed to fix that.   

And I needed to ensure that they weren’t just living for me.   

After dinner, we chatted until yawns started going around the table, which signified it was time for bed.  

“Mila?” Irisa waited until it was us and Kengu alone in the dining room. “I…need to talk to Kengu. Can…you stay here? Please?”  

I nodded and watched the two walk away.  

---

I didn’t know I held myself together.   

I really didn’t.   

But whatever strength keeping me…going just fell as soon as I closed the door. The tears started, and they felt like they wouldn’t ever stop as I sat on the bed.   

I looked at these hands of mine…and just…  

Maybe I was hysterical. I didn’t want to face the truth because it would hurt. I’d felt the pain of a failed relationship many times, and it was shameful.  A woman my age was supposed to have a spouse and children—they were supposed to be an adult. Life should've been figured out for them! And I felt like the furthest thing from one. 

But…  

Kengu hopped in my lap and stared at my face. She stood on her back legs and hugged me. The little lion didn’t let me go until I cried it all out.    

And I admitted my deepest worries to her even though she was probably already aware of them. “Be honest, Kengu. I’m…not ready for this, am I? I’m too immature for a relationship.” The words I never wanted to acknowledge left my quivering lips. My heart felt like someone had stopped it from beating. “I know Mila’s using the Heptarchis to find a healer for Sekh. I know that... I swear I did... But...”  

Breathing was difficult. I never knew how watery my sight could get from tears or how much the saltiness hurt. Kengu remained quiet. I hugged her against my chest and collapsed to the bed.    

“We... Mila, Sekh, and I... We moved into a relationship way too quickly. But I wasn’t ready. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. I’m just not that confident in myself. I’m still immature. I’m almost 90. I’d be around 45 if I were human, but… I’m still just a little girl.”  

That’s a mature perspective. I’m proud of you.  

“Will Mila hate me? For...wanting to separate and take it slow?” I hugged her tighter. “And for...not considering Sekh’s recovery? I know Mila’s reason for attending the Heptarchis. I know... I just said I know that I knew...”  

It wasn’t right of me to be selfish about that. I hated...that the most about myself...  

Never. She’ll understand. Discussing it may be difficult, but the bond of trust you two share cannot be broken so easily. If anything, it’ll be enhanced since you care this much about her. Love doesn’t have to be intimate, Irisa. It comes in many forms, and the one you may need the most right now may be sisterly affection. That is fine. It is okay. Your happiness is vital. Look after yourself first and foremost. Lord Springfield would want that. She’s also aware that you desire Lady Sekh’s recovery.   

I needed to hear Kengu’s words.   

I really did.   

She held me while I cried and never judged me for it. But she was right. This... It didn’t have to end ugly. It could be amicable, and my love for Mila, Tris, Tilde, and Sekh wouldn’t ever change.   

I was always comparing myself to them. They were stronger than me.   

They were smarter and…  

I was just me.   

My obsession with not wanting to be left behind manifested unhealthily. It wasn’t right. I now knew that.    

“Kengu?”  

Yes?  

“I…want to improve myself for my sake. I... I need to go back to what makes Irisa…Irisa.” There was something I wanted to make. A secret project, of sorts, to really test my skill. It might have to wait until we found Grandma and Grandpa, but a new chapter of my life was about to begin.    

And honestly? I’d have never realized it was waiting for me if a certain chimera hadn’t run into our family’s shop.  

I just wanted to be a better me and figure out my place in the world...  

---

I had spent twenty minutes sitting alone at the table with nothing but my thoughts before Kengu strolled into the dining room.   

I followed her to Irisa’s room. She met me at the door, took me by the hand, and escorted me to the bed.  

And we talked…  

For a long while. About her feelings… And her emotions… And how she wanted to progress from here.   

“I’m not ready,” she whispered, her eyes reddened from the crying. “It’s not fair to you or the others. I know how powerful you are. And I wanted to protect you. It…just manifested in a way that no one needed.”  

 Irisa was a crafter. She had once told me she wanted to become the best blacksmith in the world-- to make amazing equipment that no one else could match. And I thought that was the perfect goal. 

“I still love you, Mila. That will never change.”  

“It won’t,” I replied. “We’re sisters until the end. There’s no other family I wish to be a part of.”  

Honestly? My heart felt relieved. I knew it wasn’t easy. Irisa needed a lot of courage to say what she said, and I was proud of her.   

Our relationship would turn us from lovers into sisters, but our affection didn’t have to vanish.  

We'd always be family.  

We hugged it out. Afterwards, Irisa asked me to make a clone of Sekh. I did, and she just spoke to her-- about anything and everything, including wanting to be her sister, too. We probably spent about two hours just chatting, crying, and hugging.  

As sisters did.   

I felt even closer to her than I did before.   

“I know it’s not easy for you,” Irisa whispered, gently grasping Clone!Sekh’s hand. “You’re probably scared and alone... And here I am, feeling so sorry and pathetic for myself... But I know what you’d say. You’re the Dark Lord of Tyranny...but you’re so protective and caring. I wish... I wish you didn’t have this curse. It’s not right. It’s not fair. You’re struggling so hard...and you’re enduring so much that it’s inspiring me to do my best. Sekh... I want you to be proud of me, so I’ll try my hardest and become the best me I can be.”  

Clone!Sekh remained quiet, but Irisa’s heartfelt words did not go unanswered. She touched her head to Irisa and closed her eyes, smiling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. Clone!Sekh expired and turned to slime, which returned to me.  

“I still feel her hands. They’re so warm. Mila... This is a new beginning for me—for us. I don’t want to be who I used to be. That Irisa... I won’t pretend she didn’t exist. She’s as much me as I want this new Irisa to be. Sekh probably won’t have it, but I’ll apologize when she returns.” Irisa yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Why am I still tired? It feels like I’ve been asleep for a week.”  

“It’s not tiredness. It’s relief,” I answered. “You found an answer to something that’s been bothering you. You’ve been so stressed...and now you can finally relax. You’ll be sleeping good tonight.” Irisa slipped under the covers, and I ensured she was tucked into bed.   

“And here I thought a big sister’s supposed to do that for her younger sister,” she said as I rubbed her head.   

“Well, I’m about a million years old if you count the void’s time dilation,” I replied.   

“Well, being spoiled has its benefits. I... I talked with Tris and Tilde through Kengu and Surtr.”  

“You did?”  

“Yeah. Tilde’s amazing. I thought I was ready, but she guided me through feelings I didn’t know I had. You think she experienced something like this before?”  

“Probably.”  

Irisa yawned again. The exhaustion just flooded her gentle, cute face. That soft expression suited her far more than tears and reluctance towards the future.   

“Go on and get some rest, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”  

“Okay... Good night, Mila.”  

“Sweet dreams, sis.”  

I lovingly scratched Kengu under the chin before I morphed into slime and wiggled to my room.