The Chimeric Ascension of Lyudmila Springfield

Chapter Seventy-One: You Can’t Always Be Strong

Entering my room, I felt a sudden heaviness in my heart as I took in the surroundings. It was nothing special, just a simple, rustic space. The carpeted floors felt soft beneath my feet, and the large walk-in closet stood empty, a stark reminder of the absence of those who used to fill it. The walls were bare, lacking any paintings or decorations, and the egg-shell white wallpaper with the pattern of green diamonds only served to intensify the overwhelming green theme of the room.  

I tried to push the obvious aside-- to focus on anything else. So, I made my way to the edge of the room, past the chairs and dining table, and opened the sliding doors that led to the outdoor bath. The steamy water greeted me, reminiscent of the cave I once bathed in with Oswell and his group. The towering walls provided privacy, but the view of the northern ocean lay unobstructed before me.  

"My lord, you seem tense," Tris spoke up, her concern evident in her voice.  

"It's something like that," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant, but she could see right through me.  

Since Gretchen and the captain were going to have their meeting soon, I agreed to send bird clones to index the city, which would take about two hours—including time to regain the expended biomass. It was a mere distraction, and Tris knew it because she asked to take command over them.   

When it came to her…I couldn’t hide anything through my façade. Before I knew it, she had led me to the bed, sitting me down with a determined expression.  

"It's okay," she said gently, taking my hand. "You don't have to pretend with me."  

And then she said the words I didn't want to hear, the words that broke down the walls I had built around my emotions. She knew. She knew everything because [Deduction] gave her constant updates about my mental and physical health, and I couldn't hide from her. It was overwhelming, and I couldn't hold back any longer.  

From the moment I killed the pirate captain…Tris knew I was putting on airs. I said I was okay. I even told Primrose I was fine when we searched the pirate ship.  

But…  

I wasn’t alright.    

I was the furthest thing from being...    

"I don't..." I started to protest, but the tears were already streaming down my cheeks.  

"It's okay, my lord. You can cry," Tris reassured me.  

"I've already shed enough tears," I tried to argue, but my voice cracked with emotion.  

But Tris didn't give up. She held me close, offering a haven for my vulnerability. And then Surtr emerged from the bracelet, a comforting presence that beckoned me to let go, to be weak. Its voice was deep, but the lion’s words were deeply profound.    

And so, I did. I let myself be weak, fragile, and broken. I clung to Surtr's neck, finding solace in the lion's flaming warmth, and Tris held me tight from behind, whispering soothing words that slowly calmed the storm raging within me.  

And then, as if compelled to share my pain, I opened up to them both. I spoke of Sekh-- of everything we had been through together. I relived the memories, the laughter, and the tears. And in that moment, I felt the depth of my love for her, the void her absence had left within me.  

Of course, they knew about that. Tris had my memories, and Surtr had Sekh’s. But I wanted to reminisce about her. And they silently listened.    

"And in Aetos Village... We went at it all night," I confessed, my voice trembling with emotion. "She was in such a mood, and... I miss her so much..."  

“Let it all out,” rumbled Surtr. The lion laid down, and I rested against its body while it turned its large head to look at me with flaming eyes.    

Tris laid beside me, and I kept talking until my heart yearned for rest.    

---

I woke up from what felt like a deep dream. Sekh was there… She didn’t speak, so I knew it was just that. A dream. A figment of my mind.   

But she smiled.   

She looked at me, and…her eyes were always the brightest silver, but they shined like beacons in the darkness. 

But the dream ended. Fantasies would always conclude.    

“Did you enjoy your nap, Lord Springfield?” asked Surtr, who licked its large paws and rubbed its face.   

“Yeah… Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to use you as a pillow.”  

“I can do far more than slaughter your enemies to the last pathetic weakling.”  

“Tris?” I turned to the praying woman. She looked up and stared at me as if I was the only thing that mattered in her eyes.   

“It’s been three hours, my lord,” she said, giving me a quick report. Plymoise was indexed, but Captain Caulk and Gretchen weren’t together. He was at the shipyard talking to an engineer, and she was back at her office. The meeting must've already happened based on their actions.  

Damn, I missed it. But that’s fine.  

“Tris, devote some of your resources to keeping an eye on the two. I want to know if they about the war, their plans, or if they decide to meet again.”  

“Of course. How do you feel? I still detect an ounce of stress.”  

“Talking helps a lot, I mean. But… It’s hard for me to not feel like this.”  

Tris crawled closer and kept a perfect smile. “I believe I can help with that.” Her clothes were replaced by white lingerie, complete with matching stockings and a garter belt. A pair of blond lion ears twitched on her head, and her human ears disappeared. That fluttering tail surprised me just as much. Tris was undoubtedly cute, though.   

“Your mental and physical well-being is of the highest priority,” she said, leaning forward, letting her generous chest bounce slightly. “According to my data, you seemed happiest when it was time to copulate. Lady Sekh’s bosom was also a point of comfort I did not fail to notice, but you also found solace rubbing her ears and tail. That is why I have this secondary appearance the Conduit has declared Lionfolk Mode, modeled after the Dark Lord of Tyranny. What do you prefer, my lord?”  

“Prefer?”  

Did I even deserve to pick one?  

Did I even deserve to pick anything at all?  

Was it right for me to indulge in this when Sekh wasn’t here? And Irisa wasn’t here... 

This felt wrong.  

“Hesitation…?” It seemed Tris didn’t expect my silence. “If you are concerned about upsetting Lady Sekh and Lady Irisa, do not worry.” Tris told me that Sekh and Irisa talked after I fell asleep when we had our threesome. They said if someone who loved and cared for me as much as I did for them appeared, they would be open to sharing me with them. The perfect intentions had to be shared by all parties involved, including me, of course. 

“I love you more than anything else. You’re my shining star… You’re the one I will follow, guide, and assist until the end of time,” Tris confessed. “Do you love me, my lord?”  

“Of course, I love you. How could I not? But what you’re asking of me… I don’t deserve it…”  

“I don’t understand.”  

“How could I even begin to think about my desires right now? And why should I? I… Fuck, it’s hard to explain.” I felt discomfort flow all over my body. I formed a pair of fists and gritted my teeth. “Do I even deserve to feel happiness? It feels so wrong! Sekh isn’t here! I’m the reason for that! I should be out there assimilating, not sitting here! I need to be killing and getting life force! I can’t waste time, can I? Get your clothes on. Surtr, we’re—”  

"Self-punishment, Lord Springfield, is the epitome of folly," Surtr's deep voice resonated with profound wisdom and aged experience.”  

“This isn’t that. It’s me righting a wrong that never should've happened.”  

“Do not try and pretend it’s something it isn’t.” Surtr stood and walked closer. I stared up at its eyes and didn’t back down.   

“I’m not. Come on. We have work to do.” Surtr sat in front of the door. “Move.”  

“I cannot.”  

“Are you disobeying me?”  

“No. I am merely correcting the behavior of a foolish chimera who should have more faith—”  

“What the hell did you say?! Why are you stopping me from leaving?! I thought you’d want Sekh back as soon as possible!” Surtr still didn’t move…  

Flaming horns appeared over my head as I summoned my rifle. “Move. Let me go.” The lion didn’t do anything. Its stare was piercing even when I aimed the barrel in its face.  “Don’t make me pull the trigger. Don’t make me force you back into the bracelet.”   

“Do you recall what happened after you used [Status Cloak] to change your name to Lyudmila Springfield?”   

“Why the hell—” 

“Answer me.” Surtr cut me off with a low growl, and before I could answer, he spoke again. “You told our Dark Lord that you weren’t perfect. You expressively said you were bound to make mistakes. If you made a decision, and there was a better choice to be made, she was to tell you. Our Dark Lord isn’t here. She is indisposed, so it falls to me to watch over you in her stead, Lord Springfield. Cease your flailing, sit down, and listen to my words. Consider it a breadth of advice from one who has seen and experienced more than you can comprehend and take the lesson to heart.” Surtr seemingly gazed into my soul with its unblinking, piercing eyes.    

I glanced at Tris and saw an expression I didn’t like… She covered her chest and stomach with her arms and almost seemed… uncomfortable. Her lion ears and tail kept flickering out of existence. 

She obviously hadn’t predicted I’d act like this... 

Goddamn it… I’m always…hurting the ones I love… What the hell is wrong with me? Was I about to shoot Surtr? 

I canceled [Ira Ignis], holstered my gun, and watched Surtr walk to the bed. It laid beside it, then told me to rest against its large body before continuing.    

"Self-punishment leads to a desolate abyss, where the very essence of oneself is consumed by a darkness of their own making. It is a dangerous labyrinth where love for oneself is lost, and the light of self-compassion is extinguished. Remaining mired in self-inflicted suffering, you unknowingly relinquish the love you harbor for yourself. Each lash of guilt, every lash of regret erodes the foundation of your soul. It blinds you to the beauty of your being and deprives you of the strength to rise above the trials you’ll face in the future. We are bound by our imperfections, yet it is through them that we grow and learn. Embrace your flaws, for they are the brushstrokes that paint the masterpiece of your existence."  

“…”  

"As you punish yourself, you lose sight of the love residing within you," Surtr continued, its voice unwavering in the lengthy speech. "Be gentle with yourself, Lord Springfield, and let not self-burden be the chains that bind you. For when it restrains you, you are not the sole sufferer. It will spread to the ones you love and cast a dark cloud. It is a contagious disease that is difficult to cure. Our Dark Lord of Tyranny burned her life to the limit and let in the curse she so desperately hated to save you, yet her actions were brought on by profound affection. Refusing to consider your happiness as something to be protected and nurtured would be throwing her efforts away, and I know you don’t want that.”  

“…”  

I feel even more like shit…   

“Honor her memory. Protect your happiness. Protect the happiness of those our Dark Lord of Tyranny loves. Do not even begin to think about refusing Lady Irisa’s affection because you wish to hurt your heart. You won’t be the only victim. And there’s more… Look at me, Lord Springfield. Meet my eyes. My words are uncomfortable, but you must take them to heart. Fight against the discomfort you feel and face your misjudgments head-on.”  

I didn’t want to.   

I felt like every aspect of my body was being attacked. And it was.   

And I deserved it. But I gathered the willpower and looked…  

“The Dark Lord of Tyranny is not dead. If she remains within the coffin inside your [Void Storage]... She will come back to us.”  

“…”  

“Say it. Tell me what you learned.”  

“Sekh…isn’t dead… My…happiness matters… I can’t punish myself…because…” It was hard to see through the tears. “Because it wouldn’t be fair to my family! Or you! Or Tris! It wouldn’t be fair to anyone—not even me! I’m sorry! Tris!” I turned to my beloved companion and brought her into a deep hug. She fell against me, and I wrapped my arms around even tighter. I cried and cried and cried. I kept apologizing over and over. Even when it felt monotonous, I kept at it until the emotional overload was, once more, too much to bear.    

---

“Does it feel good, Tris?”  

“Mmnn… It does… My lord, your hands are the best…”  

Tris’s fluffy tail tickled my nose as I happily massaged her twitching ears. She sat in my lap and rested her full weight against me. I swore she even purred at one point while happily humming.  

I’d woken up about four minutes ago. This time, I was out for another three hours. It was a lengthy nap, to be sure.   

And things were awkward.   

Just what the fuck was wrong with me?  

Surtr had been right. The only way for me to not heal Sekh was if I died. And I wouldn’t die. The world’s best recon was sitting in my lap, rubbing against me while I played with her fluffy ears.   

Tris loved me so much that she assumed I would accept her offer. My prior refusal caused her no shortage of heartache.   

That was proof I was flawed. Too flawed. And I didn’t like it.    

She even said her mind was a swirling mess as she tried to find out why her prediction was wrong or why she failed to even consider the option that I’d refuse her offer.   

“Surtr… I’m weak, aren’t I?”  

“You lack experience others should have.”   

“Haha… You don’t mince your words, do you? Can you forgive me? I was about to do something…so dumb…”  

“There’s nothing to forgive. Learn from your mistakes, and I cannot be happier. You’re in a unique position. Untold eons of knowledge and experience lay within reach. You will never have to face the unknown alone because you merely need to ask and express your concerns and fears. You have those who would listen to your every word around you, and you have those who will teach you what you don’t know.”   

“Surtr?”  

“Yes?”  

“I love you. I want you to know that. Please…don’t hate me…”  

Surtr turned its head and gave me a big lick across my cheeks. “I’ll never hate you if you yearn to always be your best. I shall defend you to my dying breath and slaughter your enemies to the last soul. That is my promise as your guardian lion and my oath to our Dark Lord of Tyranny.”  

“Tris, I love you too. I’ll fluff your ears anytime you want, okay?” Suddenly, I wrapped my arms around her stomach and kissed her neck's nape. Her tail continued to dance as she put her fingers over mine. “I...promise I’ll be the best I can. So... I’ll make you happy. I swear I will. I won’t ever make you feel like that ever again. You have standards of me, and I promise I’ll meet them.”  

“I’m already the happiest in the world, my lord. Your mission is complete. Being with you has brought the most joy… I love you, my lord. For now and forever, I’ll always love you.” She turned around in my lap. Her lingerie vanished before, allowing me to gaze upon her perfect figure.    

Suddenly, I saw a collection of waypoints to my right. My confusion was gone after a few seconds…  

“Is that…?”  

“It is. Please recall the night after you encountered the siblings responsible for the monster train incident. You, Lady Sekh, and Lady Irisa went into the mines. Lady Sekh heard them, and there was an encounter. She wanted to murder, but you had better ideas, and Lady Sekh struggled with her feelings for the rest of the day.”  

In the waypoint-recreation of that scene, Sekh straddled me. She cried and begged me to punish her because she felt she had disobeyed and disappointed me again. Her shattered, tormented psyche went haywire…  

The only way I calmed her was by admitting my love.    

And I had ended the night by punishing her—I merely patted her head and fluffed her ears.  

Tris rubbed my pointy ears and kissed my forehead. “And that’s your punishment, my lord,” she whispered, her breath tickling my lips.   

“Please keep one thing in mind. To Lady Sekh and Lady Irisa, your happiness is something they wish to maintain. I feel the same as them. Don’t refrain from doing something that brings you joy because Lady Sekh isn’t currently here,” said Tris, who turned around and leaned her back against my stomach. She took my hands and placed them on her ears.   

She loved having them rubbed.    

“You’re right… Sekh… She wouldn’t want to see me like this, would she?”  

“She wouldn’t,” replied Surtr.   

“I know Sekh’s going to be okay. I know we can…bring her back. And when she’s here… I’ll apologize for my weaknesses. And then I’ll welcome her home. And I’ll do anything she wants. And Mom and Dad… And Irisa and Erin and Niva. Prim, too. If I act… If I let my self-pity consume me... It would be hard on them. Especially Irisa. I love her so much. And I know she’s sad. And that’s why I need to support her. And I can’t do that if I’m sorry for myself.”  

“You’re understanding it, but make no mistake. Should you need to cry, cry. It is never a mistake to show your emotions. Keep that in mind, Lord Springfield.”  

“I will, Surtr. Thank you.” I planted a hand on its head and gave my fluffy, intelligent lion a bunch of loving rubs. “Oh, there’s one more thing. Be ready for a fight tonight. After dinner, we’ll be heading out. And I need you to remain materialized from here on out until further notice,” I said, summoning my revolver and rifle to my body. From now on, I had to have them equipped since they were my primary method of fighting.    

“As you wish. I will gladly spill more blood in your name.”  

I also told Tris to mark a location for me because that was our immediate destination once we left. She stared at my lips, then asked what was on my mind because she felt something strange. I couldn’t hide anything from her, so I wondered if it was better to remain a High Elf or cosplay as a normal elf. I wanted to do what was best for my family.   

Tris immediately suggested I remain a High Elf because they were rare. You’d have to live a long time to evolve one without being born as one. And if you were, you’d undoubtedly have power and influence over the naturalistic world.  

But I had none of what a person believed a High Elf should have. Instead, the mere appearance of being one offered my family protection.    

“There’s one thing I’m curious about, Tris.”  

“Yes?”  

“I don’t know the best way to ask this… How…humanoid are you?” While in her previous evolution, Tris was born as a blank slate. The memories I shared with her gave her a head start, but she was still akin to a newborn. Over the weeks and months, she learned from watching me, Sekh, and Irisa while receiving special tutoring from Tilde.   

“The Conduit was essential in teaching me. I learned much from her wisdom and aged experience, my lord. And Lady Sekh and the others were invaluable to my progress,” she said with a smile, holding a hand to her heart. “It is thanks to them... I can feel a wide range of emotions, but I still have much to learn before I am worthy of becoming your Aspect of Wisdom. I am but a mere fragment.” 

“But you’re my fragment, Tris. A priceless jewel…” I kissed her blushing cheeks, and after sharing a vocal expression of our love, we remained like this until dinner was ready.    

She asked which ‘mode’ I preferred—Lionfolk or Human-- and Tris was happy at my answer. 

It made me wonder why there was even a Human Mode in the first place, but Tris likened it to a failsafe. I suppose it didn’t matter since she’d remain a Lionfolk from here on out.