The Creatures That We Are

Chapter 815: Guilt

Two o’clock in the morning, Gao Yang sat cross-legged against a white stone pillar on the second-floor balcony, looking up at the night sky decorated by sprinkles of stars, silent.

A man slowly went up to sit down beside him.

Nine Frost had two cans of beer in his hands. “Want a drink?”

Gao Yang remained quiet, seemingly still in deep thought.

Nine Frost opened a can of beer and handed it to Gao Yang. Gao Yang took it. Then Nine Frost opened the other can for himself and took a sip.

Gao Yang paused and drank his can, too. A bitter taste hit the tip of his tongue. He never understood why Gray Bear liked beer so much, and he still didn’t get it.

Then he took another sip.

That surprised him. Strange. I don’t like the taste, but why am I drinking more?

“I’ll brief you on the situation on my end first, Captain.”

“Go on.”

Nine Frost gave a concise report in the next few minutes to explain the situation, leaving out no important details. In the end, he concluded, “No casualties on ours or the enemies’ side.”

Confusion flashed through Gao Yang’s eyes. Something didn’t seem right to him, but he didn’t voice it.

He turned to Nine Frost and said approvingly, “You did well, Nine Frost, including asking the Twelve Zodiac Signs to help with healing. We have to consider our next hideout, though.”

Nine Frsot nodded. “I’ve already found a few places.”

Gao Yang took another sip of the beer. He no longer found it bitter. “I’ll brief you on what happened on my end, too.”

“Of course.”

Gao Yang took a few minutes to go through what had happened in Ni Nation. It would be impossible to leave out Can’s death, of course.

Nine Frost looked saddened, but his eyes were determined.

Gao Yang lowered his head and twirled the half-empty can of beer in his hand. “I kept wondering if there would have been no casualties if I had taken Wang Zikai rather than Can.”

“I don’t think so.” Nine Frost shook his head. “You don’t know who you’d face in Ni Nation, Captain. And if you had taken Wang Zikai instead, Nainai and Chen Ying would have sacrificed themselves on my end. They wouldn’t have escaped successfully without Wang Zikai’s intervention.”

“Of course, if your sister hadn’t coerced Gregor into getting involved, Wang Zikai might be the one to die. There will always be variables. All we can do is our best.”

Nine Frost tipped his head up and took a big gulp of beer, his Adam’s apple shifting.

Gao Yang fell silent.

“If there’s anyone who can understand your guilt, Captain,” Nine Frost paused and smiled bitterly, “That would be me.”

Gao Yang hesitated before finally making himself say, “How did you move on after losing the fourth team, Nine Frost?”

“Did I ever move on?” Nine Frost crushed the can in his hand easily. “The guilt never goes away. I just keep telling myself that there are more important things than my guilt, and before doing those things, I don’t have the right to even feel guilty.”

Gao Yang was quiet again.

After about ten seconds, he downed the whole can of beer and crushed it like Nine Frost had done.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Nine Frost rose to his feet and gently patted Gao Yang’s shoulder before walking away.

Gao Yang remained sitting with his legs crossed, his gaze on the starry sky.

After about ten minutes, footsteps approached Gao Yang. The sounds were heavy and a little hesitant. Gao Yang could guess who it was.

Gently, he called out, “Fat Jun.”

“Bro...Captain Gao.” Fat Jun almost called him Brother Yang, but he felt like there was now a greater distance between them.

“Come here,” Gao Yang said.

“Yeah.” Fat Jun hurried to the balcony.

Gao Yang said politely, ”How are Qing Ling and Ke Yo?”

“They’ll be okay.” Fat Jun awkwardly stood by his side, unsure if he should sit down.

“If you’re not in a rush to leave, sit for a while.” Gao Yang patted on the ground next to him and offered.

Fat Jun sat down then, but he still seemed reserved.

Gao Yang considered Fat Jun. He had gotten thinner. While he was still on the chubby side, it wasn’t in a sickly way, and he seemed more spirited.

The biggest difference was his eyes. His gaze had been timid and cowardly before, but now, there was a determined confidence behind it.

“Thank you for what you did,” Gao Yang said.

“It’s fine. Sis...Qing Ling said that you were seriously injured, too, and she told me to check on you.”

“Thank you.” Gao Yang offered a hand. Fat Jun took it and closed his eyes, using Healing to examine Gao Yang’s condition.

Five seconds later, he opened his eyes in surprise and let go of his hand. “Amazing. Despite the extent of your injuries, they are all more or less healed and require no further treatment.”

“Yeah,” Gao Yang said faintly. “Someone’s protecting me.”

Fat Jun wasn’t sure he understood, and he didn’t dwell on it.

Sitting side by side with Gao Yang, they looked up at the night sky together. A minute passed in companionable silence.

Fat Jun knew that if he didn’t ask the question now, there wouldn’t be another chance.

Finally, he mustered the courage to ask, “When you started the Nine Scions, Brother Yang, why didn’t you notify me?”

Gao Yang paused.

Fat Jun pushed aside his reservation. Feeling wronged, he grumbled, “Were Officer Huang alive, he would’ve brought me.”

Gao Yang’s heart clenched. It felt like someone had stabbed and sliced him with a dagger.

“Brother Yang, are we not companions and family?” Fat Jun’s voice trembled a little. “Back then, back then, you made a promise in the car. Do you not remember? Or have you been lying to me, and you never actually consider me one of your people...”

“Fat Jun.” Gao Yang felt a little guilty. “I didn’t call on you because it was too dangerous. It would be safest for you to stay with the Twelve Zodiac Signs...”

“Bullshit!” Fat Jun shouted. “Had that been the case, why did you summon Sister-in-law? And Brother Kai?”

Gao Yang didn’t have a comeback for that.

“I’m a healer! The Nine Scions need a healer! You’re the head of the Nine Scions. Shouldn’t you be thinking for everyone? With me here, the Nine Scions will be safer! If you can’t even see that, you aren’t qualified to be the boss!”

Gao Yang was speechless.

“Don’t think I haven’t figured it out, Gao Yang!” Fat Jun let all his bottled-up feelings out. “You don’t trust me! You think I’ve been seduced into being White Rabbit’s lapdog! You think of me as the kind of person who’ll sell out teammates for a woman! Yes, I like White Rabbit, but I know my priorities! The Twelve Zodiac Signs treated me well, but you, Officer Huang, and Sister-in-law were special to me! We overcame death together and fought together. Have you forgotten all that?”

“Officer Huang pushed me away for his wife and kid. Fine! But why you, Brother Yang? Why?!”

“Yes, I, Han Yingjun, am useless! I’m weak! Is that why I didn’t deserve a true friend in my life?!”

Gao Yang was filled with complicated feelings. There was a storm of thoughts in his mind. He stared at Fat Jun as he lay himself bare, and Gao Yang struggled to find a reasonable explanation.

But in the end, he chose to tell the truth. “Fat Jun, I didn’t call on you because I was scared of you.”

“What...do you mean?”

It was Fat Jun’s turn to be surprised. In his eyes, Gao Yang had always been brave and smart. He grew quickly stronger as the Divine Scion, and he was capable of and bold enough to confront the Qilin Guild. Why would he be afraid of Fat Jun?

Gao Yang held his gaze. “I’ve been lying ever since my awakening, to my family, to my friends, to the three organizations, to the Spectres... And many lied to me. White Rabbit lied to make us enter a Rune Cave. Officer Liu, Yellow Butterfly, and Black Tortoise were all spies planted by the Godbearer Cult. Dragon used me to get the energy seed of the Miracle Rune Circuit. X, the one we worked so hard to recruit, turned against us and almost killed everyone with poison. Officer Huang, whom I trusted the most, shot me without hesitation for his wife. Qilin, who had been supporting me, jumped the gun and tried to kill me...”

“I didn’t call on you because I was scared, Fat Jun. I didn’t know if you could be trusted, and I didn’t dare to face it.”

Gao Yang’s eyes softened. There was even a flash of vulnerability. “I’m used to killing enemies, but if another friend backstabbed me, I wouldn’t be able to take it...”

“Enough.” Fat Jun lowered his head and clenched his fists, sniffing. “It’s enough, Brother Yang...”

“I’m sorry, Fat Jun,” Gao Yang apologized earnestly.

“No, it was my bad. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you...” Fat Jun could no longer hold back his tears. “I didn’t know how hard it had been for you, Brother Yang. I always thought you were amazing and basking in glory, that you didn’t bring me along because you looked down on me...”

Gao Yang reached out to pat Fat Jun on his thick shoulder. “It’s fine now that we’ve cleared up the misunderstanding.”

“Yeah!” Fat Jun wiped his tears and looked at Gao Yang with determination.

“Just say the word, Brother Yang, and I’ll stay. I’ll be with the Nine Scions from then on!”