The Protagonist System

88 Dumbledore Bumblesmore

Almost as soon as I stepped into the castle, Minerva McGonagall sought me out. I was glad I had checked the map in my storage space to see who would be coming for me, because it let me know that both she and Dumbledore could detect individual students. Minerva met the group of girls I was with as we crossed the Entrance Hall.

“Mister Potter, the headmaster has requested you meet him in his office before the returning feast starts.” Minerva said and her usually stern face and harsh voice were tinged with worry.

“Thank you, Deputy Headmistress. I'll head right up to his office.” I said, to her surprise, then I really surprised her by giving Hermione a quick kiss, then Lavender, then Parvati, then Padma. The last one looked just as surprised as Minerva and then blushed deeply. I smiled at her and rushed off up the grand staircase.

“Mister Potter!” Minerva exclaimed and I stopped at the top and turned back towards her. “The headmaster likes Sherbert Lemon.”

I nodded to her and ran to the right to ascend another smaller staircase. I didn't need her to tell me that, since the map provided me with all of the passwords for everything that a person could pass through. I easily jogged as I went over my plans, my contingency plans if those failed, then my backup plans, then my plans to use as a last resort.

As I approached the stone gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office, I had to chuckle at a very simple solution that had just popped into my head. “Sherbert Lemon.” I said, even though the map said Cockroach Clusters. I had always wondered how Albus determined who was coming up the staircase and the simplest solution was the right one. He gave different people different passwords.

The gargoyle leapt aside and the stairs spiralled upwards, so I stepped on and slipped my glasses off, then tapped each lens with my finger. I cast Reflect Magic on the clear glass and put the glasses back on. If Dumbledore tried anything, he would get it right back instead.

“Come in, Harry.” The headmaster's voice said as I approached the door.

I opened it and stepped inside the ornate and cluttered office. I let my eyes roam around and thought that this would need its own smaller map to get all the details right. There were so many things in it that the main map I had couldn't properly detect them without specifically looking for them and casting the magic detection spell again.

“Please, have a seat.” Albus said and motioned to the hard-backed chair in front of his desk.

The chair was shorter than necessary, just so anyone sitting there would have to look up at the man, no matter their age. It was a subtle intimidation tactic and quite underhanded, especially if this was supposed to be a friendly meeting.

I sat down and pretended to fidget while he seemed to be examining me. “What do you...” I paused and pretended to look embarrassed and coughed. “Headmaster, why have you called me to your office? Have I done something so wrong that the head of the entire school has called me out in front of half the school? The whispers as I left the Entrance Hall were pretty loud and accusing.”

The twinkle of Albus' eyes faded and he looked surprised. I had exaggerated that last statement, mostly because I wanted to see his reaction. It didn't last long and the twinkle returned to the man's eyes.

“Harry, my boy. I just wanted to ask you how your holiday has been.” Albus bullshitted.

I blinked my eyes in fake confusion. “Um... not to be mean or anything... but... is this special treatment because I'm so famous? You don't know me and I don't know you. We've never met before and...” I paused and forced myself to blush. “I sincerely doubt you called any other student to your office for the same reason.”

Albus looked even more surprised and the twinkle disappeared completely.

Ha! Take that, you old manipulator. I thought and kept the satisfaction off of my face. “I had an okay holiday at home.” I answered his first inquiry. “It... it could have been better.”

The twinkle reappeared instantly at my hedging about my stay at home, which meant Albus really had fully planned for me to be abused during my stay at the Dursleys.

“Harry, my boy.” Albus said and leaned forward in his chair to get me to look at him. “I assure you that I have your best interests at heart.” He lied, blatantly. “Please tell me if anything is wrong.”

I saw his arm move in the corner of my eye as I locked gazes with the old man. I felt a spell hit my face and then Albus Too-Many-Names Dumbledore froze as his silent and invisible spell reflected off of my glasses and hit him instead. I felt a large jolt of magic and Albus' eyes seemed to gloss over, then he seemed to slump in his chair and he started to drool.

“Headmaster?” I asked, concern filling my voice, even though I was laughing in my head. I was sure the idiot had just lobotomized himself because he thought he saw in my head what he had in his, which was years of manipulation, conniving plans, and callous acts that ignored individual people for the greater good. He apparently didn't want a younger him walking around, I guessed.

I stood cautiously and moved around the desk to check his pulse at his wrist, then I silently stored the Elder Wand without touching it and replaced it with a conjured copy. I checked his neck next and pretended to put a panicked look on my face as I flicked my eyes around frantically.

“I think he had a stroke or something! Somebody! Anybody! HELP!” I shouted and a few of the people in the paintings gasped and ran out of their frames. I dispelled the spell on my glasses, just in case anyone tried to check me.

About ten minutes later, which was a surprisingly long time to wait for someone that was hurt, Minerva McGonagall and Poppy Pomfrey entered the office, as did the people in the frames that had left. I didn't speak and just pointed at the headmaster as my hand trembled.

“Step back, please.” Poppy said and I hopped back, as if the headmaster was on fire. Her eyes widened at my reaction and she reached out to place a calming hand on my shoulder. “It's all right, Mister Potter. Professional healing help is here now.”

I nodded several times and stepped back to stand beside the shelf of trinkets. Both Poppy and Minerva checked the headmaster with several spells that I didn't know. They were either specialized to their professions or they had made the spells themselves. Either way, I noted them and would ask about them later when I had the chance and wasn't pretending to be panicked.

It took fifteen minutes before Poppy let out a frustrated sigh and Minerva's face looked grim. Both of them turned those looks towards me and I didn't have to fake the cringe it caused. Both women's faces softened at my reaction and Minerva walked over to me.

“Mister Potter, I need you to tell me what happened here.” Minerva said.

So, I did. Word for word. I even told her about the weird twinkle in his eye going away and coming back a couple of times. When I said at the end that we locked gazes and Albus froze, Minerva's grim look returned. I finished with checking his pulse, then calling for help. I explained not trying to go myself, because you should never leave someone that's hurt alone.

Minerva patted my shoulder and went to the portraits. She cast a spell to create a barrier and I could still see her and couldn't hear her, so I assumed she was confirming my story. As the deputy headmistress, she had the authority to question the portraits and they wouldn't lie to her.

Poppy conjured a floating stretcher and levitated Albus onto it. She had a difficult time tucking his long colorful flowing robes under his thin legs and then folded his hands over his chest and stuck him there. With him secured, Poppy turned to me and gave me a sad smile.

I widened my eyes at her and said the only thing appropriate in this situation. “Oh, no.”

Poppy reached out to put a hand on my shoulder again. Since I didn't want her to see my smug smile, I stepped close and buried my face into her chest and hugged her tightly. I conjured droplets of water on my cheeks, which dropped onto her nurse outfit. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me just as tightly.

We stayed there for several minutes and I eventually schooled my face again. When I let Poppy go, I wiped at my face to hide that I didn't actually cry. “I'm sorry, Madam Pomfrey. I didn't mean to...”

Poppy gave me a very warm smile and one of her hands moved up from my back to cup the side of my face. “It's all right, Mister Potter. Even the strongest of us can have our emotions run rampant in situations like this.”

I sighed and nodded. “I'll pay to have your uniform cleaned.”

Poppy shook her head and tapped her damp top with her wand to dry it. “There, problem solved.”

“Thank you.” I said and gave her a weak smile in return. “Thank you for... well...”

Poppy rubbed her thumb over my wet cheek and looked a little conflicted, then she shrugged slightly and closed her eyes as she leaned in and lightly kissed me. She broke it and kissed me again, and then did it a third time. She opened her eyes and gave me a warm smile again, then she let my face go and waved her wand at the stretcher before she walked out of the office with Albus floating behind her.

“Did you enjoy that, Mister Potter?” Minerva asked me.

I blinked my eyes at her several times, because she had crossed the office without me noticing. “I... I don't know.” I said, telling the truth. That had been a little weird, especially considering what just happened.

Minerva nodded and put a hand on my shoulder. She led me to the door and didn't let my shoulder go until we had walked all the way to the Great Hall. She stopped me before we entered and pulled me into the anteroom where the first years usually waited to be sorted.

“You should not tell anyone what happened to the headmaster.” Minerva told me and I opened my mouth. She put her finger on my lips to stop me. “I'll make an announcement when Poppy determines what's wrong with him. Until then, I'm acting headmistress. Please respect my wishes.”

I couldn't stop my eyes from dropping to her waist and darted them back to her face.

“You know what I meant, Mister Potter.” Minerva said with a slight smile.

I nodded and she put her stern face back into place, let my shoulder go, and we left the anteroom and entered the Great Hall. She went to the head table and I went to the Griffindor table, because it was a feast and we had to stay at our house tables.

I sat beside Hermione and she gave me a pointed look. “The headmaster wanted to know about my holiday.”

Hermione gave me a confused look.

“Yeah, I don't know why, either.” I said with a shrug.

Thankfully, that was enough to satisfy her curiosity. I whispered the same thing to Lavender and she nodded, as if it was expected for the headmaster to ask. Perhaps it was, because I was famous and they expected me to have some interaction with the old man.

*

Severus Snape entered the hospital wing after Poppy Pomfrey's summons. He had wondered why neither she nor the headmaster had been at the returning feast. After a quick examination of the patient, he knew why. Albus Dumbledore had suffered from self-inflicted excessive spell damage to his brain.

“Can you confirm my findings, Severus?” Poppy asked, sadly.

Severus sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. He damaged his mind by performing Legilimency on himself.”

Poppy sighed as well. “I thought so. There was no way a first year student could do this much damage in only moments.”

Severus stiffened at her words. “What do you mean?”

“Albus was meeting with Mister Potter when he did this to himself.” Poppy said, to the man's surprise. “Minerva couldn't find any spells or effects on Mister Potter and his wand never left his robe pocket.”

Severus wasn't concerned about that, since it could be performed without a wand, only much weaker. The problem was that Albus must have seen or suspected something was wrong with Potter to attempt to read the child's mind. Severus himself never got the chance, because the brat would never meet his gaze, despite the numerous attempts to goad him and attract his attention.

“His glasses?” Severus asked, essentially grasping at straws.

“Clear glass with no enchantments or charms on them.” Poppy said. She wouldn't tell the potions master that she had kissed the handsome young man several times to distract him as Minerva cast her spells discreetly without getting caught. She held in her smile at remembering the stunned look on Harry's face.

“I see.” Severus said and his thoughts ran wild with the implications. He knew something was going on with the brat and he couldn't do anything to prove it or bring it to light, not with this mess for the school to handle. He wondered if the oaths to Dumbledore he made were still binding if the old man was a vegetable.

There was one simple way to test that and Severus pulled out his wand. Poppy didn't object, since she trusted the man, and he had just cast several of his own diagnostic spells on the headmaster.

“Rictusempra!” Severus said and Albus jerked and moved as if he was laughing, since it was the tickling charm. However, the man never made a sound and looked confused.

“What was that for?” Poppy asked when he cancelled the spell.

“His autonomic response worked, which means he can breathe and eat without choking. However, he had neither a mental reference for laughing nor the ability to speak to tell me to stop.” Severus explained to cover up the real reason. He was actually testing if he could attack the headmaster without causing himself pain from breaking one of his oaths.

Poppy sighed. “Thank you for checking that. I hadn't thought to do the same thing.”

Severus nodded. “I'm sorry that there is nothing I can do to reverse the damage.” He lied and tried to not smile as he felt elation fill him. He was finally free!

Poppy waved her wand at Albus and a thick wool blanket appeared over him and tucked him in. She nodded at Severus and went back to her office to start on the paperwork about the accident.

Severus dropped his calm face and sneered at Albus, huffed at him debilitating himself for something so stupid, and strode from the hospital wing with his robes billowing behind him. He had work to do, ingredients to gather, and a resignation to work out the wording for. He would have to wait a month or so to submit it, assuming nothing else happened to make him submit it sooner.

As soon as Severus stepped off the stairs and into the Entrance Hall, his normal black robes morphed and changed into a clown costume and his long greasy hair from potions fumes changed into a poofy and curly red afro.

All of the students that had been standing around and talking to their friends after supper, burst out laughing. A much larger crowd gathered at the noise and Severus growled under his breath. He had assumed the pranking had ended after he didn't turn blue anymore when in public.

“If I find out who did this, you will forever regret it.” Snape snarled at the laughing students.

Not surprisingly, no one came forward to admit to it. He scanned the crowd of students with a light Legilimency probe to skim their surface thoughts to potentially find the culprit, then he froze when his eyes caught the gleam of glasses. Before he could do more than twitch, his searching probe slammed into his own mind, thanks to him not having any defenses against his own prodigious mental powers.

Everyone kept laughing as Snape passed out and dropped to the floor in a faint. Thanks to a notice-me-not charm keyed to the students, no one noticed Harry Potter moving through the crowd or saw him disappear under his invisibility cloak.