The Simulacrum

Chapter 84

The ceiling was quite boring. I know, I know; it's a revolutionary observation that requires some time to digest, so let me stress this again. The ceiling was really, really boring. Unfortunately, I had little choice but to stare at it all morning, as I was so too out of it to do anything productive, yet not out of it enough to knock me out and let me have a nap. It was the worst of both worlds.

My experimental breakthrough last afternoon resulted in a predictable fever, so after suffering through the night, I called in sick and have been in my bed ever since then. I wasn't exactly dying, just tired, lethargic, and generally grouchy from the headache. Though again, as much of a pain in the neck this was, considering how hectic my daily life's been recently, maybe getting some rest wasn't such a terrible thing after all.

And just like that, I would've probably spent the rest of the day staring at my unusually boring ceiling, if not for a sudden guitar solo jolting me out of my feverish stupor. I sat up at once, which was the easy part, but it took an embarrassingly long time to drag myself over to my PC desk and pick up my phone.

"Hi, Chief," I was greeted from the other side, and I reflexively mumbled something resembling a greeting of my own. " I wanted to ask how you're feeling, but I can more or less tell from your voice."

"It's not that bad," I told Judy as I made my way back to the bed. "At most, it's the third-worst headache I've ever had. No biggie."

"Fever?"

"Thirty-eight-ish," I muttered as I slipped back under the blanket.

"That's not that bad. Get plenty of rest, and take lots of fluids."

"Yes, yes. As usual," I told her, and my words were followed by a long beat of silence. "Are you still there?"

"Yes, I was just talking with Elly," my dearest assistant replied in a hurry. "She's going to go over to your place to look after you."

"I don't think I need much looking after, but tell her she's welcome to come over to hang out anyway."

"Roger. Don't forget to eat. There should be some leftovers in the fridge from yesterday."

"I know, I already had breakfast."

There was another long beat at this point, followed by, "Chief, it's almost two in the afternoon. Don't tell me you didn't have lunch."

"Wait, it's that late already?" I removed the phone from my ear to check the time, and then told her, "Well, damn. I somehow lost track of time. I guess I'll go and grab something then."

"You do that. The lesson's starting soon, so I have to put it down. Rest well and xoxo."

"People normally don't say 'xoxo' out loud in conversation," I pointed out, but when I didn't get any response, I exhaled a sigh and added, "I xoxo you too."

There was a delighted murmur on the other end of the line, which I took as my cue to end the call and force myself out of bed again. I was a little sweaty, so I took a quick shower before I made my way downstairs to the pleasantly balmy living room. It was less than a pit-stop on my odyssey towards the kitchen, and after taking stock of the fridge, I grudgingly resolved myself to throw together a few grilled cheese sandwiches, as I already finished the leftovers in the morning.

I don't want to brag or anything, but I was actually pretty good at making them, though it had more to do with practice and the fact that it was an easy dish than any culinary talent. Still, I could more or less go through the steps on autopilot, which allowed me to think. Not that I haven't done enough of that since last night, but considering how hard it was to herd my stray thoughts due to my fever, it could never hurt to summarize things.

So, what have I learned from the last experiment? Honestly, more than I expected, less than I hoped. My mug was on display on the kitchen countertop, and it still said 'I

At this time, I had two hypotheses. The first option was simple, but offered little theoretical value: it was the same mug I accidentally attempted to modify when I grew my first Phantom Limb, so it was possible I somehow 'primed' it for a permanent transformation. My other idea had to do with it holding sentimental value. Since it was something I used on an almost daily basis, I was more familiar with it, and thus it allowed me to delve deeper into its records or what have you, and initiate a permanent transformation. I couldn't really confirm the former hypothesis, but as for the latter, I could potentially try doing the same to another such item I owned, like my phone. Of course, that was for later, when my head was no longer threatening to split in half.

Now then, let's not avoid eye contact with the giant, neon-green elephant in the room any longer and address the whole 'retcon' thing, shall we?

First and foremost, let's unpack that term. A 'retcon' is short for 'retroactive continuity'. It generally refers to a detail or plot point in a story getting changed after the fact, usually by a sequel or some other work set in the same universe. Let's try a simple example: there's a character whose hair color is never specified in a book. That book gets adapted to a movie, and the actor playing them is a redhead. The movie turns out to be really popular, and because of this, all future stories in the same universe will take it for granted that the character is a redhead, effectively resulting in the consensus that the character hasalways been a redhead from the very beginning.

Now, if Judy is to be believed (and why wouldn't I believe her), the mug always said 'I for her. Snowy also corroborated this statement, meaning they were both convinced that this was the natural state of the mug and no change happened. Hence why I call it a 'retcon'. Now we only had to figure out the mechanism behind this event.

One possibility was that by changing the mug, I've somehow indirectly manipulated everyone's memories of it. In this scenario, the mug actually used to say 'I yesterday, but after I changed it, the Simulacrum changed everyone's memories in order to keep things consistent. If this was the case, it would potentially serve as a huge opportunity to peer behind the curtain and see how the Simulacrum manipulates people's perceptions, possibly even giving us an insight into the mechanics of the perception filtering and subtle narrative influences we already observed. On the other hand though, I was a little iffy on the whole 'manipulating people's minds without their permission' thing and its ethicality.

The other possibility was that I literally changed the past. In this case, I somehow made it so that the mug didn't change yesterday, but instead it always said 'I in the past, and that's why Judy and Snowy remembered it as such. As for how this could be accomplished without actually traveling back in time and manually switching them out Well, I had something of an idea.

For the moment, let's imagine the Simulacrum as a video game. Not in the 'artificial world with tropes' sense, but rather as a program. Let's take an RPG as an example. It's a self-contained story that has a beginning, middle, and end. However, while time technically passes in the game world, the player can save, load, and restart it at any time. All the content that can be experienced is already packaged into the game files, and the 'game' itself is an emergent phenomenon that exists in a superposition where all of it happens at the same time, and players can experience whichever part they want. On the flip side, the game world is static, and they cannot experience something that wasn't already packaged into the game files by the developers. For example, if the plot said a character was stabbed in the back by another character with an implausibly long sword, then it would happen no matter what the player did, because it was hard-coded into the game.

However, what if someone interfered with the game files? What if someone modded them to change things? It would mean that, within the enclosed universe of the 'game world', whatever changes were applied this way would appear as if that's how things were always naturally supposed to be. So, for example, if we replaced the implausibly long sword with a tuna, everyone would just accept that and say, 'Yeah, sure, you can totally stab someone in the back with a tuna', because that's what already happened in that hard-coded scene.

Now let's transplant this analogy back into the current situation: it is entirely possible that what I did was similar to modding the Simulacrum. By changing the 'records' serving as the bedrock of the world, I somehow made it so that the mug always said 'I

Both scenarios had multiple questions that needed to be answered though. How could I do that? What did I actually do? Why was I not affected by this retcon? And, maybe more importantly, what were the limits of this ability?

The reason the last question was more important than the others was that the capability to retcon things could potentially lead to disastrous results. Sure, this time nothing much changed, because I only replaced a meaningless household item, but what would happen if I did it to something more plot-relevant? Or what if I created a paradox? Or just unmoored myself from the timeline by accident?

Let's say I retconned my phone out of existence by accident. If I did that, Judy couldn't call me to tell me about her existential crisis, and then we wouldn't have gone on a date. Or on the day of the school incident, she couldn't have called me while I was busy with the Chimera, I wouldn't have told her to get the others to the rooftop, and we might not have managed to get to Crowey in time and rescue Josh. Hell, Snowy couldn't have called me that night, and I might not have even gotten involved. That means no adopting Snowy, no Brang, no secret base, and the list goes on. I think the term for this is 'for want of a nail', and it's a scary idea.

Also, note to self: Let's not try replicating the experiment on my phone after all. It's best not to tempt fate like that.

In any case, this mug incident might've been the breakthrough we'd been looking for since the beginning, so I had to pursue it. I just had to be extra careful about it, that's all. Speaking of careful, I checked the bottom side of the third grilled cheese sandwich on the skillet, and it looked just about right, so I carefully placed it onto a plate before it could get burned. It smelled great, and by now I was getting a little peckish, so for the time being I set aside my intellectual pursuits in favor of some corporeal needs, and promptly sat down by the dining table.

I wolfed down the sandwiches in record time. After dutifully washing the dishes, I was about to head back to my room, but I wasn't even halfway up the stairs when I was stopped by the doorbell ringing.

"Who is it at this hour?" I grumbled as I turned around, and that brought up another question: What time was it anyway?

Following that train of thought, I poked my phone to wake it up, and at first I could only blink at it in shock.

"What the...? Holy crap, where did all that time go?" I whispered in mild bewilderment, but my feet were already carrying me towards the front entrance. Maybe I was already detached from the timeline, because I sure as hell didn't realize it was well past three in the afternoon already.

When I opened the door, I was in for another surprise. I already knew that the princess was coming over, and Snowy was a given, but I honestly didn't expect the third member of their group.

"Brother!" Penny elbowed her way to the front and came inside, practically pushing me back in the process. "They said you were sick! Are you all right? Where does it hurt?"

"Easy there, easy. I'm not on my deathbed. I only have a fever."

"I told you he's not that sick," Snowy whispered on the side, only to receive a thundering glare for her trouble.

"How can you be so callous!?"

"Cut it out, kiddo," I reproached the worked-up redhead with a light karate chop delivered to the top of her head for good measure. "Stop throwing around nasty words like that and come inside already."

She grumbled something under her nose in response, but I couldn't hear it properly, and it was more important to get the girls out of the cold, so I simply pulled her in to clear the way for the others. It's only when I closed the door behind them that she spoke up again, though this time in a considerably sulkier tone.

"Why are you taking her side?"

"Because she's right. I'm not that sick this time," I pointed out, and my knightly sister cocked her head to the side.

"Compared to what?"

"Compared to the other times?" I answered her question with another one, and Elly came over to back me up.

"Leo gets a little feverish whenever he does too much enchanting." She was already out of her coat, and now that she took off her cap as well, she gestured for me to lean over. I already knew what she was planning, so I graciously obliged, and she put her forehead against mine. "Hm? It's really not that bad."

"The worst of it passed during the night," I commented with our foreheads still touching, and as expected, she used the opportunity to rise to her toe tips and plant a kiss on my mouth. When she tried to part from me, I pursued her lips and returned the gesture, earning me a giggle from her and a conflicted stare from Penny.

"Does this happen often?" she blurted out when she realized I was looking at her, and my other sister responded in the exact same way I would've.

"Do you mean the fever or the flirting?" When Penny didn't respond even after Snowy already put her coat on the hanger, she also told her, "Common enough that we're used to both."

"Let's go inside," my girlfriend prompted us while completely ignoring the conversation at hand, and before long we all entered the living room. "Aaah. It's so warm in here."

"I cranked up the thermostat a little."

"And it's a good thing you did," Elly declared with a hum. "Returning to a warm home is the best part of winter!"

"So this is how your house looks from the inside..." Penny mused aloud as she glanced around the living room, and once her gaze landed on me, she awkwardly added, "It's very... um... simple?"

"It really is, isn't it?"

Honestly speaking, she wasn't wrong. Even though we've already lived here for a few months, the place didn't really feel lived in. I partially blame the invisible ninja maids, as the absurd cleanliness gave the place an odd, almost clinical touch. That said, I also didn't go out of my way to decorate the place, so its simple appearance was partially my fault. In fact, now that I thought about it, the secret base had way more personality than my home, and it felt more like 'a place I own' rather than just 'a place where I live'. Oh, but speaking of personality and decorations...

"Actually, since Christmas is around the corner, we're going to put on some festive decor one of these days. Snowy's in charge of that though, I'm just providing the materials required."

"She is?" Penny blurted out and glanced at the Abyssal girl standing by our side.

"Yep. It's best to leave these things to the people with a sense for aesthetics."

Snowy apparently didn't like the attention, as she hastily excused herself.

"I-I'll go and get some drinks for everyone."

I tried to tell her that she really didn't need to, but my attention was hijacked by the princess when she declared, "In that case, I'll go and make you something for lunch!"

"I just ate though."

My girlfriend visibly deflated after hearing that, but she quickly bounced back and doubled down.

"Then I'll make dinner!"

"Doesn't that mean you'd stay over until dinnertime?"

"That's the plan," she responded with a smug little smirk.

I smiled back and told her, "In that case, be my guest."

"I'll go check what I have to work with."

And just like that, the princess disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me alone with Penny.

"A wy I mean, Draconian making dinner for someone else...? Now I've seen everything."

I couldn't help but chuckle at her comment.

"She's actually a pretty good cook. Half the reason we are where we are right now was because of a lunchbox she made."

"She gave you a lunchbox?"

"No, it would be more accurate to say I took it from her without her consent."

"... You stole her lunch?"

"The situation was a little more complicated and my actions made perfect sense in context, but yeah, that's the gist of it."

"And then you started dating."

"After a few more hiccups and misadventures," I responded with a wink.

Anyhow, since we were standing in the middle of the room like a pair of scarecrows for no reason whatsoever, I subtly pointed in the direction of the sofa, but Penny shook her head.

"N-No, I'm good." There was a long beat of semi-awkward silence hanging over us, and she must've also recognized it, as she blurted out, "So... you get sick from making artifacts?"

"Depends," I answered a tad ambivalently. "The way I interact with enchantments is a little different from the norm, and it has a few side effects. Fevers, headaches, et cetera. Nothing major, mostly just annoying."

"I see, I see," she responded with two nods, only to then pause for several seconds. "So... did you... get a fever from working on our equipment?"

It took me a second to recognize what she meant by that, but then I told her, "Oh, no, not at all. This was an entirely unrelated experiment. Strictly speaking, it's not even enchantment-related, but the aftereffects are more or less the same. Your Magiformers are still under development, and we still need to agree on the design of the uniform."

"Leo!" Our conversation was interrupted by the princess poking her head out of the kitchen. "We have everything for goulash. Should I also make some grstl too?"

If my memory served right, the first one was a kind of soup, while the latter was fried food, so I gave her the go.

"Sure. There are four of us here, so we can probably finish a full course."

"Okay! It'll take a while, so in the meantime feel free to show other sister-in-law around the house."

"Who are you calling sister-in-law?" Penny burst out in alarm, and my girlfriend looked at her like she was a rare animal that escaped from the zoo.

"It's you, obviously," she told my second sister, but before she could respond, the princess disappeared back into the kitchen to get out of the way of Snowy, who was carrying a tray of hot drinks in her hands.

"You probably already drank your tea, so I made hot chocolate," she told me as she handed over a mug. Penny was reluctant at first, but once she took a whiff of the contents, she also took one of them.

"Hot chocolate," Elly called out from the kitchen again, followed by a blissful sigh. "The second best thing about winter."

I was fairly sure it was a season-agnostic drink, but who was I to argue? Still, since she brought it up, I figured I might as well show Penny around a little, if for nothing else than to help the time pass a little faster.

"I guess you've already seen the living room, even if there isn't much to see," I spoke absent-mindedly and gestured towards the stairs. "Upstairs, we have the bathroom and our rooms. Do you want to take a look?"

"I... would be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious," Penny whispered between two careful sips from her mug, so without further ado, I herded her towards the first floor, and Snowy tagged along as well.

After showing off the bathroom, just in case she needed to use it, the obvious destination was my own room, and for a moment my knightlier sister looked downright nervous as I opened the door. It evaporated when she looked inside.

"Wow. Even your own room is simple."

"Simple is good."

"I'm not saying it's not, just" Before she could finish that thought, her gaze landed on the desk in the corner and she took in a sharp breath. "That's a water-cooled tower! Is... Is that a gaming PC?"

"Well, it's not exactly for 'gaming' per se. I mostly use it for text editing and browsing the net."

"What kind of video card does it have?" she leveled the next question at me with shining eyes.

"I have no idea. I bought it pre-built," I admitted, and she grabbed hold of me at once.

"Come on, let's turn it on and we can find out! We just have to open the system tray, launch the device manager, and find the graphics adapter!"

"Slow down, my PC's not running anywhere! I don't even know why you're so excited about it; Snowy's machine is much better than mine."

"It is?" Penny came to an abrupt halt and turned on her heel to face the other girl in the room "Do you also have a gaming rig?"

"I... don't really know. I don't know much about technology. I think it says 'E T stock' on the front?" Snowy told her a tad uncertainly.

"Whaaaat!?" Penny's eyes threatened to pop out of her head in surprise and she grabbed hold of my frightened sister with both of her hands. "You have an ETstock PC!? Can... Can I see it?"

Snowy was clearly uncomfortable with this situation, so I once again deployed my tactical karate-chop onto the top of redhead girl's noggin, this time with more than just a token force behind.

"Owie!"

"Behave yourself." My scolding was effective, as she immediately calmed down.

"Sorry... I just... I got a little too excited." She paused to look up at me, and after an audible gulp she meekly asked, "Can I still see it?"

It wasn't really my jurisdiction, so I glanced to my left.

"Sis?"

"I... don't mind," Snowy answered a touch apprehensively, and left the room ahead of us in a hurry. We followed after her soon enough, and once we arrived in front of her room, she told us, "It might be a little messy inside"

After hearing that, I mentally prepared myself for some kind of comically disastrous scenery, but the room behind the door was perfectly tidy. Penny's eyes also darted around the room, ultimately settling on me, with an implied question mark hanging over her head.

"What?"

"Is this really her room?"

"Why? Is there a problem with it?" I asked back with a raised brow, and she took a second look.

"Not exactly, I just expected something more Erm Gothic?"

"Gothic," I repeated after her.

"Yes. I mean, more black and red and spiderweb-patters, and fewer plushies and is that a clock in the shape of a cat?"

"It's called a Kit-Cat Klock," I pointed out. "It's trademarked."

"Whatever it's called, I didn't expect that," she muttered in return. "Weird."

In the meantime, Snowy walked past us and put the amusement park plushies I got her a while back away, probably so that we could sit on the bed if we wanted. I used to opportunity to gesture for Penny to come closer and whisper, "Snowy had a difficult family situation and she's a little socially awkward. I would appreciate it if you didn't call her weird."

She looked at me like I was a white raven, then glanced at my first sister, and whispered back, "First a Draconian who cooks for you, and now a shy Abyssal. What's next?"

"I have a sword that turned into a little girl who can turn into a fox and lives in Judy's shadow," I spoke off-handedly, and she all but rolled her eyes.

"Nice try, but you need something better if you want to get one over on me."

She let out a satisfied huff, and she walked inside looking like she just achieved a small victory. I shrugged and followed after her with a not at all ominous smile she couldn't see right until it was wiped from my face when she let out the mother of all squees upon noticing the logo on Snowy's PC.

"It really is an ETstock! And what's that?"

"That's my drawing tablet."

"You draw?" Snowy nodded at Penny's question, and she cocked her head to the side yet again with the words, "What do you draw?"

"Stuff like your future uniform," I butted in, and her eyes lit up at once.

"You can make something like that? Can you show me?"

"Uuu Sure?" She still sounded a little hesitant, but Snowy obediently turned it on and explained, "I usually draw here and use the PC to do layers and aftereffects."

"What program do you use?"

"It's PortraitParlor. I can use this stylus to"

And just like that, the two of them disappeared into their own little world. I honestly didn't expect them to become besties overnight, but I was happy to see that they found at least some common ground, so I did my best as their big brother to moderate between them for the time being. Also, I may or may not have been still considering when and how I should spring Ichiko onto my cheekier sister for maximum effect, but that was neither here nor there, really.

"Wow, Dormouse. You weren't kidding."

It was already Friday, the non-negotiable date of my non-negotiable dinner with Judy's family, and the first thing that hit me in the face upon entering their house was a wave of military-grade holiday spirit.

"It's a little excessive, isn't it?" my dear assistant whispered and took off her cap.

"A little," I answered as my eyes glided over the sea of garlands, plethora of Christmas lights, and countless red and gold balls hanging from every unoccupied nail and stray corner that could hold one.

"The living room is worse," Judy told me with a sense of detached resignation, and I'm not going to lie, that made me more than a little curious. It wasn't even bile fascination; I genuinely wanted to know how Christmas decoration could be even denser than this. However, before we could get there, we were ambushed by Judy's natural predator.

"Sweet Pea!" A new voice exclaimed as Judy's awfully youthful mother entered the fray with a cheerful smile, as well as enough holiday accessories to serve as perfect camouflage to hide in her environment so that she could sneak up to any unsuspecting Dormouses. A miracle of evolution, I say.

At face value, she looked like an older, more expressive version of my girlfriend. With her long hair loosely braided and just a hint of makeup, she had a gentle, easygoing atmosphere. More importantly though, she was in a full holiday ensemble, including a Santa Claus themed red-and-white apron, a pair of reindeer-shaped fuzzy slippers, and even an honest-to-goodness matching reindeer-antler headband. On the bright side, at least she wasn't waving a ladle around this time, but only because she exchanged it for a pair of Christmas-tree print oven mittens.

In any case, before my girlfriend could even have a chance to react, she got glomped into a bear hug.

"Welcome home, you two! Come in, dinner's almost ready!"

"Moooom," my deadpan assistant moaned in displeasure, but her mother only giggled and focused her attention on me.

"It's been so long since you last came over, Leonard, so I whipped up something special for the occasion. I'm sure you'll like it!"

"Thank you, ma'am, I'm sure I will," I answered with a diplomatic smile. In the meantime, Judy successfully managed to peel herself out of her mother's embrace and escaped behind me, earning her another girlish giggle in the process.

With that intermezzo successfully completed, we followed after Judy's mom and entered into the living room, and I had to agree with my assistant: if holiday spirit could be weaponized, the entryway was merely a Little Boy, while this was closer to a Tsar Bomba.

"You already have your Christmas tree up?" I blurted out when my gaze landed on the brightly lit pine in the corner, and my dear assistant all but groaned in response.

"As I told you, mom is really enthusiastic about the holidays."

"Hearing it from you and seeing it with my own eyes is quite different..."

Since Judy's mother had gone back to the kitchen to finish preparations, the two of us attempted to go upstairs and hole up in her room until the food was ready. Alas, before we could even reach the stairs, we were intercepted by Judy's dad coming down towards us.

The man looked the same as always. He was about a head shorter than me, but had a stocky build that made him remarkably imposing. Combined with his short-cropped hair, angular face, and neatly kept moustache, he had the air of a military man, a feeling that was further emphasized by his perma-frown and his no-nonsense fashion sense right out of the fifties. He also looked, for a lack of better explanation, less 'flaky' than he used to. My educated guess was that frequent interactions with Judy naturally developed and solidified him the same way my involvement turned the odd girl with odder eating habits into my lovely girlfriend.

Anyhow, I realized we were standing still without a word, so I took it upon myself to break the ice.

"Good evening?"

My uncertain greeting was met with further silence, so I adopted a harmless smile and hoped for the best.

"I was told you'd be coming over," Judy's father spoke in a low voice and gestured towards the living room. "Why don't we sit down and have a short talk between us men?"

"I suppose that excludes Judy," I guessed, and he turned to her daughter.

"Sunshine? Would you mind helping your mother in the kitchen while I have a talk with your" He pointedly paused here as he looked at me. " boyfriend."

"Dad, please" my girlfriend pleaded, already suffering from second-degree embarrassment burns, but the man remained steadfast. I more or less knew that this talk would happen sooner or later ever since I first met Judy's father, and figured it was pointless to delay the inevitable, so I put a hand onto the small of her back and gently nudged her forward.

"Don't mind me Dormouse. Go on ahead."

I flashed a smile that said 'Don't worry, I've got this', and she soon gave up and walked away. Her expression was hard to read, as usual, but I had a distinct hunch that she was less worried for me, but rather already exasperated by the shenanigans to follow. For once, I hoped to disappoint her.

In any case, once she left, my second potential father-in-law led me back into the living room and directed me towards the sitting area near the television. I picked one of the sofas, and he sat down on the couch so that he was more or less facing me. Once we were both seated, he forcefully cleared his throat to get my attention, as if he didn't have it already.

"So. You're dating my daughter," he stated with a voice drier than the Sahara in the summer.

"As a matter of fact, I am," I answered truthfully, and he let out a thoughtful hum.

"I had a feeling it would eventually come to this. Even back when she first invited you over," he continued in the same tone, the fingers of his right hand restlessly drumming on his thigh.

"I noticed. The veiled threats were hard to miss."

"Not threats, only warnings so that you could not claim ignorance," he retorted. "Speaking of which, I would like to once again inform you that I have a shotgun. Just remember that."

Honestly, he sounded almost like telling me about his gun was some kind of tiresome obligation, and I had a hard time deciding whether I should do my best to resist the urge to roll my eyes or to laugh. Then, just as I was about to come to a conclusion, my threadbare grey matter made a connection and my brows descended into an intrigued frown.

"I understand, but while we're on the subject" He gave me the go with his eyes, so I asked, "I was meaning to ask this since the first time it was brought up, but how do you have a shotgun?"

"Excuse me?" the man uttered in surprise, breaking his disapproving dad image for the first time.

"You say you have a shotgun. Last I checked, the island has some of the strictest gun laws in existence, so couldn't help but wonder about it."

"Do you doubt me?" he asked in a low voice, and I raised my palms in response.

"Not at all, I'm just curious."

We locked eyes, and it took quite a while for the man to relax and tell me, "It's one of the perks of being on the force."

Okay, pull the brakes. Full stop. This absolutely required exploring.

"On the force? Are you a policeman?" He looked at me like I was an idiot, so I hastily clarified myself. "Judy said you're an office worker."

"I am. Not all police officers patrol and investigate; some of us have to get the paperwork done and organize things. Desk jobs might not sound as important, but it's the bureaucracy that keeps the world turning."

"And you still get to have a gun."

"And I still get to have a gun," he repeated after me with just a hint of annoyance. "But speaking of firearms, why were you looking for a permit?"

His question sounded oddly apprehensive, so I answered before we'd fall into some kind of contrived misunderstanding.

"I wasn't really looking for one, I was just curious about the process. If anything, I felt relieved that it isn't easy for someone to get their hands on one."

Seriously, trying to imagine how differently all our previous conflicts could've turned out if we (or even worse, the baddies) had guns was an abject tone-shifting nightmare. Judy's dad, in the meantime, continued to send me suspicious glances.

"Nobody researches gun laws just out of curiosity. Were you expecting trouble?"

"No, not really." He still looked doubtful, so I moved the conversation along by saying, "Still, it's strange that Judy never mentioned you were with law enforcement."

"I don't like to talk about my work at home," he responded a tad dourly, and if we weren't in a very friendly and in no way unnerving 'disapproving father talks to her daughter's boyfriend' situation, I would've stood up on top of the table, made a funnel out of my hands, and sounded a bullshit-alarm that would've put world war two air raid sirens to shame.

No, I'm serious. Not the whole standing on the table and making claxon noises part, but I definitely called bullshit on that explanation. There's no way in hell Judy would've never realized her father was a police officer, even if the pen-pusher variety, and she sure as hell wouldn't have forgotten to mention this factoid to me. That left me with two options: either he was deliberately keeping his family in the dark, or Narrative shenanigans were afoot, and my bet was on option number two.

Let's backtrack a little. While it was a little existentially distressing to consider, it's practically certain that before I nudged Judy out of her original Placeholder routine, she had no background. After talking it out, we concluded that she probably had no house, no family, and no personality (a claim I vehemently disagreed with) until I forced the Simulacrum to generate them for her. Back then, her father was described as an office worker, and outside of his obsession with mentioning his shotgun at any opportunity that presented itself, there was no hint that

Hold on. I first looked into guns around the time Fred started menacing us. It was around that time I became aware that firearms were so strictly restricted on the island, it was literally impossible to get my hands on one. This would conflict with Judy's dad possessing one, so Son of a bitch! It's a retcon! The Simulacrum redefined the guy to keep him consistent with the setting! We have a smoking gun on our hands, pun intended and all!

I forced my face to remain still even as the recognition rocked me on the inside and kicked my brain into a higher gear. So, we had a potential retcon on our hands, and it raised multiple pressing questions. First of all, when did it happen? If it was recent, it's more than possible that Judy never told me about him being a police officer because she didn't notice the change, or wait. If this is a retcon, there's a distinct chance it also affected her. I really had to sit down with her and get to the bottom of this after we ate dinner.

While I pondered about all of these things, the man of the household continued to tap on his thigh, his face a hard-to-read mask. At last, he interrupted my train of thought by exhaling sharply.

"Listen up, Leonard. We're both men here, right?"

I thought that was just a rhetorical question, but he didn't continue until I uttered an uncertain "Sure, we are".

"Men should be direct. Straightforward. Decisive. None of this pussyfooting nonsense. Do you agree?"

"More or less." He once again frowned in disapproval, so I corrected myself. "I mean, yes, I agree."

"Good. Let's make this simple for both of us. No beating around the bush. I have a lot of questions. Important ones. You answer, yes or no. Straight like a stick, simple as a stick, blunt as a..."

"Stick," I completed his line, and he grunted in approval, after which he dramatically crossed his arms.

"Look me in the eyes now. The first question is easy: do you love my daughter?"

That really was an easy question, and I didn't even have to think about it.

"Yes."

"Good. Next: Do you have any plans after you finish high school?"

"Yes." He remained silent, so I figured he wanted me to elaborate. "I'll probably keep investing and live off the profits."

"You have investments?"

"Yes. In the record industry."

"Where did you get that kind of money?"

"That's not a yes-or-no question," I replied at once, earning me an awkward hum.

"Good. You caught the trick question. Keep paying attention. Next question." Despite saying that, he remained silent for a long while. By the looks of it, he was considering whether he should ask or not, and ultimately decided to do so. "Are you in any way involved in organized crime or any illegal activities?"

Oh. So that's why there was a pause. That was certainly not something you would ask without a reason.

"No, and no."

"In that case, have you ever engaged in forgery of identification documents?"

Oookay, that was definitely too on the nose for just a random question. It took me a while to decide how to answer that, but in the end, I figured I might as well bite the bait to see how far the fishing line goes.

"Yes."

"... Did you just admit that?"

"You wanted me to be direct, and you wouldn't have asked if you didn't already know, so there's no point dancing around the question," I told the baffled man, and he quickly recomposed himself.

"Indeed." Judy's dad paused and leaned forward in his seat, all the while his eyes were still glued to my face. "I looked into your background."

"Isn't that abuse of authority?"

"It is, but nobody cares," he shrugged off my comment without batting an eye. "I've already discovered that both you and your sister had your records entered into the central registry through unofficial channels. I also couldn't find anything about your alleged parents."

"That's not surprising, considering they don't exist."

By now the man was getting increasingly unbalanced by my responses, which is exactly where I wanted to have him.

"I suspected as much. I also appreciate your forthcoming attitude."

"You're welcome. So, what else did you find out?"

"Nothing. I was shut down from high." He paused here for emphasis, his brows somehow descending even further in the process. "Very high. Not even my boss's boss could tell me where the orders came from, but I was told not to investigate your background."

Thinking about it, the source of that order was probably Lord Grandpa, or one of his associates. He was the only person in a position of power I knew who could pull something like that off; while the Dracis had money, they didn't have strong political connections, while if the Celestials were involved, they would rather try to urge him to continue and dig up as many juicy details as possible.

"So you decided to ask me directly?"

"Precisely. I want to know who you are, why you are living under a fake identity, and what you want from my daughter."

Oh boy, those were some loaded questions if I've ever heard any. I was also caught flat-footed, as I spent so much time focused on the supernatural shenanigans we got entangled into, I forgot to pay due attention to the mundane authorities and how they could catch up to me. Which they actually did, now that I think about it, just in an unexpected way.

At any rate, I had to dig myself out of this hole before dinner, so I did what I always do in situations like this and dusted off my trusty Refuge in Audacity to get the job done. So, for a start, I matched the man's gaze for a few seconds, then I pretended to waver for about as long, and only then did I slump my shoulders and let out my best defeated groan. I could only hope I wasn't overacting too much.

"Fine, fine. You got me. Unfortunately, I can't answer your first question."

"Why?" the man pressed on like a shark smelling blood in the water, so I once again pretended to think hard about how much I can say.

"Let's just say it's classified. As for why, let me answer your second question with another question: Why would my sister and I live on our own under false identities in this day and age?"

"Witness protection," he uttered on reflex, and I shrugged in a way that wasn't quite a confirmation.

"Something like that, but on steroids."

"Organized crime?"

"Worse. Politics," I responded with a half-truth. "I can't say anything more than that."

"What about the last question then?"

"What do I want from Judy? Companionship, artisanal sandwiches, and potentially three kids. She wants two daughters and one son, but it's not really up to us to decide."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

There was a momentary stalemate as we locked eyes, and this time it was my host who averted his gaze first.

"Does she know about any of this?"

"She knows all of it. In fact, she knows more than you do or what I can tell you about."

"Is that so?" The room once again fell into silence as he digested our conversation, and just as I was about to move on, he leveled a frosty gaze at me. "Tell me straight: is whatever you're involved with a threat to my daughter?"

"I can't say it's not, but she's already involved herself, and I'm constantly taking further precautionary measures to keep her out of harm's way. There are trained professionals working with us, and one of them is specifically responsible for keeping her safe."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Yes. Maybe? It was mainly supposed to keep you informed so that you understand the gist of the situation. That said, there really isn't any mortal threat involved, so you don't have to worry about that. "

The creases between the man's brows told me my explanation still didn't make him feel any better.

"Can I trust you?"

"That's for you to decide. I never lied to you," I told him with all the conviction a half-truth could provide. "However, if you're only going to believe one thing, then let it be this: I love Judy, and I wouldn't get her involved in something that would endanger her either directly or indirectly."

Whatever the man wanted to say in response was interrupted by his energetic wife calling out "Boys! Dinner's ready!" from the kitchen. The man glanced her way, then back at me, and stood up. I followed suit, and when I did, he suddenly extended a hand to me.

"I like to believe that I'm a good judge of people. Please don't prove me wrong."

I flashed him a reassuring smile and shook the hand in front of me, and it was only at this point that I paused and realized something was amiss.

"Excuse me, this might be kind of silly to bring up here, but have we ever been formally introduced?"

"I don't think we have," he responded a touch puzzled, but quickly shook it off and squeezed my hand. "The name's Clarke. Clarke Sennoma."

"Leonard Dunning." I squeezed back, and he nodded with just a hint of approval.

"So, Leonard. There's one last question I wanted to ask, but the other topics took priority."

"I'm listening."

"Is the little fox-dog up for adoption?" I might've made a funny face, as he hastily qualified, "I've heard you couldn't keep her at your place, so I was wondering if your 'cousin' would want to let us keep her. Not for free, of course." I must've still looked off, as he cleared his throat and awkwardly added, "Don't take me wrong. It's my better half who's really fond of the little devil."

"How about we discuss this during dinner?" I proposed, and my host graciously agreed.

And so, I have successfully weathered a father/boyfriend meeting full of tension, weird turns, and at least one unanticipated potential revelation about the world. I can't say I expected even half of that, but I learned new things, and I no longer had to worry about Judy's father threatening me with his shotgun anymore, so I chalked the whole affair up as a win.

"Judy's dad is a policeman?"

In response to my sister's question, Judy exhaled a long sigh and told her, "It's complicated."

For some reason Snowy glanced at me at this point and let out a giggle, but before I could ask why, she returned to fluffing the cushions on the couch. I didn't know why; our guests were only going to stay for a few minutes before we moved on. Maybe she just wanted to be a good host as an extension of her maid hobby? It would also explain her habit of offering drinks and snacks to anyone who set their feet inside our house. More importantly, my assistant looked downright downcast, so I sidled over and pulled her into a hug.

"Cheer up, Dormouse. Who knows? Maybe my Schrdinger's Dad hypothesis was right all along."

"I told you Chief, my father's not a quantum particle," she grumbled, but still leaned into the hug.

She took the fact that she never realized his father was on the force hard, as she prided herself on her amazing memory and observation skills. This, consequently, also meant that this either wasn't a retcon, or it was somehow different than what I did to the mug, as she didn't experience any retroactive memory consolidation. As far as she was concerned, her father was just a slightly overprotective office worker at a nondescript workplace, and she never pried into his job any further than that.

As for why she didn't, I considered the possibility of her getting her perception filtered, so that the states of 'he's a simple office worker, because she said so' and 'he's a policeman, because he has a gun' could exist in parallel, and therefore keep the world consistent. That is, until I collapsed the wave function. She didn't find that funny, but at least I was trying.

In any case, this was yet another entry on our growing list of things that needed to be investigated, but with the Draconian conference coming up, both my time and my mental fortitude was already portioned out, so there was a bat's chance in hell I could try and peek behind the curtain of reality in the near future. Seriously though, the fact that I was using the same mental reserves for Phasing, messing with enchantments, and doing reality-warping shenanigans was becoming more of a bottleneck with every passing day.

"Ah! You guys are so cute!" Angie called out as she came downstairs and caught us hugging, so I did the boyfriendly thing and held my girlfriend even closer with a not-at-all smug grin.

"Showoff," came the next comment from Josh following after her.

The two of them arrived not too long ago, just a little after lunchtime, and they just deposited the excited Celestial's tennis gear in my room. She had club practice in the morning, and Josh somehow got roped into it. On a more upbeat note, she finally got over her post-exam funk, and the two of them have been having multiple 'events' like that in the past couple of days, meaning the rom-com train was still happily running in the background regardless of the supernatural stuff occupying most of our time. How does the quote go? The more things change, the more they stay the same?

"Where's Ammy?" the happy-go-lucky Celestial inquired the moment she reached the ground floor.

"I last saw her in the kitchen," Judy answered in a muffled yet still deadpan voice, her face buried in my chest and apparently feeling comfortable enough she saw no reason to let go just yet.

"Did someone call?" the class rep arrived with a question of her own. Unlike the others, she was already in her Magiformer uniform, and she had an open bag of biscuits in her hands.

"I was just curious," Angie answered, and then shamelessly reached into the bag and snatched a piece.

"You could've just asked," Ammy grumbled, and the other girl flashed a toothy girl at her.

"I'm sorry. I should've trained her better before I took her out in public."

"What am I, a dog?" Angie grumbled between two bites, but didn't seem to mind the comment too much. Maybe another inside joke? Anyhow, after a short pause she continued with an overdramatic, "Oh, woe is me! You've completely shattered my poor feelings! How are you going to take responsibility?"

"I'm not taking any," Josh answered with a tone flatter than a desert road.

"And that's why you don't have a girlfriend," she concluded with a knowing nod, while Josh defiantly crossed his arms.

"Since when are you an authority on this topic? Last I checked, you don't have a boyfriend either."

"Not for the lack of trying, I tell you," she answered in a huff.

"Okay, break it up," I cut in. "Could you two please take your UST somewhere else? The others are coming over."

"You still haven't told me what that even means," Josh griped, but when I didn't pay him any heed, he soon let it go and glanced out the window. "Are all the Knights coming over?" When I nodded, he let out a lung-rattling sigh. "So that means she's coming too. Marvelous."

"Looking forward to meeting with the new girl again, aren't you?" Angie commented on the side, and for once I could distinctly sense some barbs in her words.

"Why would I?" the guy asked back, obviously flabbergasted by the mere suggestion.

"Because you're getting along so well," our resident Celestial responded with a voice that was clearly displeased, and even Josh must have picked up on it, because he gave his full attention to his childhood friend.

"You might want to get your eyes checked, because there's no way anyone with a working pair would mistake us for getting along."

"Oh sure. Just brush me off. It's not like I've known you for ages and could clearly tell when you're having fun."

"When did I ever have fun with her?"

"Every time I see you two together."

"We're never together! I don't even like Penny!"

"Then why are you calling her that?"

"That's her name! What next? Should I call her by her full name to show that we don't like each other? That would be hella awkward, considering she's Leo's sister. At least, I think." He paused their argument to glance at me and ask, "She is, right?"

"Yes," I admitted, as by this point even I couldn't deny that she firmly took the unoccupied spot of 'rebellious little sister' in my mind. "However, I think I just warned you two about spreading your UST around like that."

"I still don't know what that even is!" Josh complained aloud, and normally this would've been the point where Ammy would've entered into 'authority mode' to scold them over making a ruckus, yet she remained entirely silent. In fact, she's been really silent as of late, and even now, she was spacing out, so I ignored the bickering childhood friend duo

"Hey, class rep?" She blinked in surprise and turned her attention to me. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes. I'm just a little tired. I was up late last night."

"Paperwork?" Judy guessed, still attached to me like a baby koala.

"No, I was um Texting."

"With Mike?" I guessed, and she weakly nodded. I saw no reason to pry any further, so I adopted a reassuring smile and told her, "Neat. I'm happy to hear you're no longer buried under School paperwork."

" Thanks?"

She sounded a little taken aback by the way I closed the topic, but she obviously didn't want to disclose her personal life, so we tacitly left it at that. Not that there was any time for further discussion, as we both noticed a line of black minivans coming to a stop on the street outside.

"The Knights arrived!" I announced, and Snowy immediately headed towards the front entrance.

"I'll go make sure they won't get stuck on the wards!"

In the meantime, Judy detached herself from me and headed outside as well, which left only the arguing childhood friends to deal with before the others came in. Or so I thought.

"Let's ask Leo!" Angie exclaimed the moment I turned back to them, and she held an imaginary microphone under my nose. "In your opinion, if you eat a strawberry crepe after a savory crepe, does it count as dessert, or not?"

" Where the heck did that come from? Weren't you just arguing a moment ago?"

"That's ancient history," the energetic Celestial declared and shook her invisible microphone. "So? What's your answer?"

"I have no idea. I don't even like crepes that much."

"Heresy!"/"Heretic!" the two echoed in perfect unison.

"Let's go ask Elly. She looks like a crepe person," Josh proposed, and Angie agreed with almost religious zeal.

In conclusion, childhood friends are fascinating, yet unpredictable creatures that are best observed from afar. That's it for today's nature documentary, please tune in for our next episode as well. Same Leonard channel, same 'what is this I don't even' time.

So, after ignoring these two, I focused my attention on the newcomers trickling into the house. The procession was led by Elly, and once inside, she didn't even bother to take off her coat; the moment she kicked off her boots, she dashed over to my side and glomped me.

"Hi, princess. You didn't have to rush this much, I'm not going anywhere."

"Judy said she got an awesome hug!" she exclaimed and opened her arms wide. "I want one too."

"I don't know what's especially 'awesome' about it, but sure."

While I fulfilled my boyfriendly obligations, the Entitled Knights entered the house, with Penny leading the group. They were dressed in their own casual clothes, and all of them had at least one duffle bag with them holding the rest of their things. My sister had three. I had no idea how she could carry them all at the same time, but she somehow managed.

"We've arrived!"

"So this is Brother Leonard's home," Arnwald spoke absent-mindedly, his hands busy trying to get his frazzled sideburns under control after he took off his scarf.

"It's as utilitarian as Penny said," Roland commented on the side, while Mr. Minotaur remained stalwartly silent. They both walked over to the sitting area to put their bags down, probably so that the rest could come inside as well.

Said others were the barely-side-character Squires, and they all entered in single file, wearing the same tracksuits as usual. The reason behind that was quite mundane: they didn't have any other clothes. By the looks of it, since they were not supposed to be important in the grand scheme of things, and only serve as mooks, the Simulacrum didn't generate any of the obvious background elements for them, including their own clothes beyond their twenty-four-seven armors. Considering this world's track record with absolutely baffling 'optimization' methods, we weren't even surprised.

I waited for everyone to come inside, and after Snowy closed the front door behind her, I loudly cleared my throat to get everyone's attention.

"Before we do anything else, Judy, please stand there." My dearest assistant directed an odd glance at me, but when I urged her with my brows, she gave up and followed my instructions. "Good. Now, Penny, please come over here." She obviously wanted to ask why, but I cut her off by adding, "Also, put your bags down for now."

Judy subtly rolled her eyes, so I once again used my facial muscles to signal her not to break the script, and she grudgingly played along. Once my second sister was in position, I cleared my throat again and loudly asked, "Is everyone here?"

There was a moment of silence in the room, and Roland looked like he was just about to come forward when the target of my question finally got her cue.

"Everyone's here!" a high-pitched voice called out as Judy's shadow rippled and a rotund fox shot out of it like she was launched from a catapult. Then, while still in mid-air her body flashed with colorless light, and a little girl wearing a shrine maiden outfit landed with a beaming smile. "Welcome, Penny-sama!"

She, incidentally, landed right in front of my sister, and the girl let out a startled 'Eeep!' and jumped back to hide behind Mr. Griffon. However, even though all of that unfolded in a single second, it would be something that would last forever thanks to my foresight in taking a photo of her reaction with my phone.

"Chief, your hobby is getting worse over time," my dearest assistant grumbled, but I didn't mind. One day, when we'll be old and wrinkly, she'll learn to appreciate my collection.

"W-w-what is that!?" Penny called out from behind the Griffon Knight, and even he was giving the still beaming Ichiko a curious look.

"I already told you about her," I answered with a satisfied grin and put my phone away.

"Ue-sama! Did I do well?" The foxy miko came over with expectant eyes, so I gave her a thumb up, and she let out a delighted yip. She's been doing that even while in human form as of late. Was she spending too much time as a fox?

"There will be more than enough times for introductions later. The most important thing was already accomplished, so let's move location."

"But we just arrived. If we are moving again, we should have stayed in the cars."

Hearing Roland's comment, I couldn't help but smile mysteriously.

"We're not traveling by car," I said and gently nudged Elly to let me go. Once she reluctantly did so, I gestured for everyone to follow after me. "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to my teleport closet, version two."

The gang was already used to this, but the Knights looked more than a little confused by my words. However, it wasn't either of them who spoke up first, but the class rep.

"Oh? It actually looks much better now," she noted after poking her head inside the dark closet. "What makes it version two?"

"It can now take two people at the same time," I told them, and when I only received weird looks in return, I clarified. "I mean, excluding me."

"Oh, that makes more sense," Josh noted on the side. "But couldn't you already do that?"

"Yes, but now it's much more stable. Don't ask about the details, it's technical," I answered him with the unspoken implication that he really shouldn't nitpick at the cover of my Phasing ability, and he quickly picked up on it.

"You have a teleportation circle in your own house?" Penny also stuck my head inside, and after looking around for a while, she asked the obvious question of, "Where does it lead?"

"To a secret base!" Ichiko exclaimed, making her jump and hide behind me this time.

" I know you were startled by our prank, but it's kind of hurting your gallant knightly image if you keep getting scared by a little girl."

"I'm not scared, just She's weird!" she declared, making the foxy miko blink.

"Ue-sama? Am I really weird?"

"No, you're not. Don't worry about it."

She nodded like my words were all the proof she needed, only to be suddenly captured by Angie.

"Ichiko! It's been so long since I last saw you! Quick, turn back into a fox!" She did so without any further prompting, and Angie immediately threw a biscuit into the air. The tiny fox once again fired herself up like she had springs for legs to catch the treat, and on the way down, she was caught in the Celestial girl's arms.

"Just when did she?" Ammy muttered as she glanced at the bag in her hand. Meanwhile, Penny tugged at my sleeve, demanding my attention.

"Seriously, brother! What is she?"

"I told you. She's a sword who's now a little girl. And a fox. And a ninja. Oh, and technically she's also a Chimera, but that part is questionable at this point."

By the looks of it, my sister was about to suffer from a blue screen of death while trying to comprehend my words, so Arnwald cleared his throat and looked across the room.

"I must admit, Brother Leonard, I did not expect your companions to be so"

"Odd?" I ventured a guess.

"I wanted to say lively, but your adjective also certainly applies." His eyes momentarily lingered on the Celestial girl, joined by Snowy and Elly, playing with the fluffy little menace, and he let out a grandfatherly chuckle that suited him much better than it ever did Sebastian. "It's certainly not a bad thing."

"Ye talked aboot a base, didnae ye? Whit's that aboot?" Duncan entered the conversation with a voice that said he'd rather stay silent, but wanted to get things going.

"You'll soon see it with your own eyes." For emphasis, I tapped on the doorframe leading into the fake teleport point. "Form into pairs, and I'll take you there."

What followed was about twenty minutes of rapid back-and-forth Phasing between my house and the base, the boring details of which shall be omitted. This time I didn't have to leave anyone behind on housesitting duty, as we had not one, but two Kage ninjas stationed in the house. They were holed up in the attic, as we lacked the stereotypical ceiling paneling behind which stereotypical ninjas could do their stereotypical skulking.

In any case, I managed to make the rounds and transport everyone over, and it only resulted in minimal nausea. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I felt like I was getting much better at Phasing. In the past, this many round trips would've left me woozy for about an hour. Was it practice? Or was it the result of my recent reality-bending activities? I'd be damned if I knew, but it was certainly a welcome improvement.

Speaking of welcomes, the newbies were still busy exploring the base's reception room, so I clapped my hands to get their attention.

"Gather up, gather up. I would like to officially welcome you to our secret base."

"Are we underground?" Roland cut in.

"As a matter of fact, we are. What gave it away?"

"The air."

"Very observant of you. Indeed, we're underground, and for the next couple of days, I want you to stay here and familiarize yourself with the place and the others. You'll be provided with free lodging and three meals a day. If you require anything else, you can fill out a requisition form and get it delivered. Any questions?"

"Who are these 'others' you speak of?" Penny asked the moment she got the opportunity.

"Good question." While answering, I walked towards the metal door leading into the main hall, and the Knights followed on my heels. The gang, on the other hand, was already used to the place, so they lagged behind. "Some of you have already met a few of them during the time you were unconditionally invited to the Dracis mansion."

"That's a unique way to put it," Arnwald whispered under his breath, and Duncan agreed with a grunt.

"Besides them, you'll also have to meet our newly formed research division, consisting of freelance Research Society members and their assistants." I paused as I put my hand on the door in front of me and added, in a firm voice, "They might look strange, and their interests might seem peculiar, but I'd like you all to have an open mind. In fact, that applies to everyone on the other side of this door."

"This does nae bode weel..."

I ignored Mr. Minotaur's negativity and opened the door, only to freeze in place, and close it back up. I took a deep breath, and adopted a poker-face as I turned over to the suddenly tense group behind me.

"Excuse me, but it seems like we're having some technical difficulties. Please stay here until I call for you."

"O-Okay."

Penny sounded apprehensive, so I flashed her one of my brotherly smiles I usually reserved to Snowy and opened the door again, just wide enough so that I could slip through, and immediately shut it behind me. I took a deep breath to get my temper under control, but just as I was about to succeed, something touched my foot.

I glanced down, and found a small, pink hemisphere, no bigger than a soccer ball, tapping at my shin with its many stubby tentacles, its one oversized eye staring at me with an affectionate gaze demanding attention. With the breath still trapped in my throat, I reached down and grabbed the critter. It was surprisingly light and squishy, and as I held it up upside down, it flailed its tiny legs and short tendrils.

My eyes glided over the main hall, and once I had to sadly conclude there was no way this could be quietly resolved, I let out the mother of all bellows, fueled by all the indignation of a ruined first impression.

"Which one of you bloody mad scientist bastards let the mini-shoggots loose again?!"