The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Chapter 99: This is Cheating!

I wake up feeling refreshed and hopeful. After yesterday's encounter, this day is bound to be great. My companions ask me what my big ass smile is all about.

I then proceed to low-key brag about meeting a unicorn. One of them jokingly says we should go back and hunt it.

I wonder what a unicorn drops upon death? Horn, pelt, and raw meat are what I'm guessing. Most of my knowledge about the subject comes from videogames.

The thing is this is real life. I really wish I had a system. Kill a creature, then a jingle happens, and BAM XP and loot! Sadly, this is in fact quite messy.

If you don't know what you are doing chances are you will destroy any valuable item while trying to extract it.

Then you get to the merchant and he's like dude we don't take snapped in half unicorn's horns. After lengthy negotiations, you agree on a lower selling price. Then later on you figure out he sold it grounded anyway as alchemy supplies. Then you confront the merchant and he's backed by some lord. Then you gotta . okay no. I gotta stop with the clich imaginary scenarios.

Anyway, this unicorn is a friend, so I never considered hunting it! At least not seriously!

We concentrate on walking all the while singing. I'm practicing my war songs. This is actually fun.

Reminds me of my days in summer camp. But replace the kids with mercenaries that look-like they are out for blood. Replace the cute songs with war songs. Replace the fun activities with trashing random wandering monsters by the side of the road. Actually, it is fun too.

The ones we hunt are pretty much-oversized animals. Don't even have magical abilities. Compared to the disaster forest they are pretty pitiful. This makes me wonder. I've heard this world can be dangerous. Either my reinforcement ability is even better than I was thinking, or I got lucky and never saw a dangerous monster or people were trying to scare me.

I'm truly leaning over the luck. I mean I just met a damn unicorn! This should be proof enough.

Suddenly we stop. Why did we stop?

[What's up?]

"Shh *whispering* there is something in front."

In front is a bend in the road, looks the same as anywhere else.

[That . *whispering* what are you talking about?]

"See how the ground is right there?"

[No I don't see anything special. *puzzled*]

"Exactly, it is too perfect. It doesn't look natural at all. Someone threaded there and erased their traces. I would say about 50. This number is quite alarming, to say the least."

Wait? He figured that instantly?! How does he even know how many people there were?!

"You seem confused, look at the elevation. A procession passed here, then they removed the traces, but the ground's height still shows a minute difference. I'm pretty sure there is an ambush awaiting us in the front right there."

Damn, he's good. Wait this is my time to shine!

[Actually, leave this to me. I have a scouting ability. Let me check it real quick.]

I focus and bring my attention to the road ahead. Third-person POV activated! In my old world, I could have made so much money with that ability, being a magician and all. I wonder if I can ever profit from it here.

After careful analysis turns out it is all clear. Well, I take back my amazement. My companion is simply paranoid. I guess it is better to be careful in any case.

[Nope, I checked, everything is good. We can proceed.]

"Are you sure? These traces really make me believe otherwise."

[How about it I'll walk ahead alone and prove it to you.]

"Humfine. Alright, boys let's go together, but as soon as there are signs of movement, we retreat instantly. I do not want to be surrounded! Understood?"

"Yes, captain x9!" *With variations*

I can't help but shake my head slightly. Just believe me dude haha. I confidently walk forward. I guess it can be stressful for them.

For me, it feels like playing a horror game for the second time.

The first time you don't know what will happen and are sitting on the edge of your seat. You know you can be spooked at any given moment.

The second time around it's more like been there, done that. There is a monster in the closet it can just chill there. This room looks scary but is in fact empty no need to get all jittery.

I have knowledge! Thus I calmly look at our surroundings. My companions are clenching their weapons tightly. They are holding their breaths. Making sure not to make any noise as we proceed. Their gaze wandering all over the place. Eyebrows furrowed.

Our group is the very definition of intensity. Meanwhile, I'm just in the middle chilling. This is actually pretty entertaining. Should I suddenly scream BOO!? It would startle them for sure haha. Then again, they are all holding various tools of murder. Now is probably not the best time to spook them.

I wonder how many MeTubers die every year from a failed prank video. Or perhaps go to jail?

Probably not that many, I mean I expect most of them to be bright enough to know better.

Still, I am sure there must be some. Why is that information not widely known? To be honest the Darwin awards used to be one of my favorite things. Would be quite similar.

So everyone is about to freak out. I am just having fun. Then comes a bird sound, everyone becomes super tense. C'mon guys. This is a bird. You know the little things that fly.

*Sound of about 50 people emerging from the ground all at once.*

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

"RUN YOU FOOLS WE ARE OUT OF HERE!"

HOW?! They were underground?! Who ambushes like that?!

Are they bandits or mole-people!?

"Get yourself together! Fucking run! I won't carry you forever!"

What? The mercenary captain is dragging me along.

I come back to my sense and start running.

Ten of us running from the 50 of them. This is bad. What do we do?!

"These men are professional assassins, not some common thieves. We truly hit a metal plate this time around."

[Assassins?! Why?! How?!]

"Fuck! No matter their target we are all going to get attacked. I asked you if you had any pursuers!"

[And I told you I don't! For all we know they might be after you!]

"Arg, fine. Stop running your mouth and move your legs faster!"

I look behind. A coordinated group right on our heels. The only reason we even managed to escape the initial encirclement being how ready to escape our group was.

What happened to my guaranteed good day?! Are we fucked right now?! Hiding in the ground is totally cheating!

FUCK ME!