Trinity of Magic

Chapter 7.5: Hitting Rock Bottom

It took Ezekiel a long time before he could bring his sobbing under control. Tears streamed down his face freely as he tried to process his experiences during the last hour. It took him a few minutes until the crying finally subsided completely. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the sky. For a long moment, he did nothing but channel the Blood Magic through his body.

After the wounds had all closed, he raised his left arm. He looked at the previously cut-open palm of his left hand. The wounds had all closed, but there was still blood everywhere. Now that Ezekiel had calmed down, he was starting to feel light-headed. He immediately slapped his cheeks and sat up. This was not a safe place for him to pass out. Much slower than when he arrived, he made his way back to the city.

Two hours later, Ezekiel found himself exiting the Adventurers Guild. He looked down at the coins in his hand. 7 copper coins were all he had earned today. Three for each of the ears and one for the rusty knife. Ezekiel was almost certain the man had given him that one coin out of pity. From the corner of his eyes, he had seen the man throwing the knife into the trash after all. But he figured it was only natural to pity him.

With his blood-soaked clothing and embarrassing haul of two goblin ears, he must have cut an impressively sorry figure. Nobody had asked for an explanation of how his first hunt had gone either.

As he made his way towards Armin's smithy, he had to face another uncomfortable fact. He had lost the axe he had technically stolen. This was not how he had planned this to go. The reason he had not asked for the axe was so that the two men could not stop him from going. He knew that at least Markus would have done everything to change his mind... And he would have been right to do so!

Now, after the fact, Ezekiel realized how unprepared he was for the life of an adventurer. No wonder, the students from Elementium were usually put into existing groups. He just didn't have the experience necessary for hunting monsters. As the smithy came into view, Ezekiel could no longer avoid thinking about how he would explain himself.

Shame washed over him. He had wanted to prove that he was no mere burden. He had wanted to prove that he could pull his weight. It had not turned out like that, however. Not only did he not earn a lot of money. The few copper coins he had earned would barely cover the cost of the axe.

Instead of improving the already hard situation, he would only make it worse for Markus and his uncle. The rims of his eyes started to turn red. He stood rooted in place behind the building. His eyes were locked on the door. He reached out with a shaking hand. Just before he made contact with the doorknob, he stopped himself. Ezekiel retracted his hand slowly. With a sigh, he freed the bag containing all his money, 10 copper coins.

Carefully, he placed the bag on the ground in front of the door. Ezekiel remained standing there for a moment longer. Was this the course of action he wanted to take? Markus and his uncle could rent out his room if he was no longer staying there. They wouldn't have to buy extra food for him. And he would no longer feel like he was abusing their kindness.

How could he still do that? After he had stolen from them today? With his resolve firmed, he knocked on the door. Ezekiel turned around and ran into the darkness right after. The only sign of his presence was the bag of coins on the ground. Ezekiel wished it would have been enough to pay for the axe at least, but it was all he had.

Unbidden, tears came to his eyes. He ran through the streets of the city, uncaring of where his feet would take him. This had been a long day, and now he didn't even have anywhere to go. Ezekiel looked down the street on either side. He was close to a famous marketplace if he was not wrong. He needed to find a place to stay for the night.

Ezekiel made his way to the main street. He was just about to follow the road to the marketplace when he saw something he did not expect. His eyes opened wide. Why now? Why here? He had spotted Lilly just a little way down the road, walking towards him. Not someone who looked like her, not a mirage, but actually her. He froze, unsure of what to do. She had spotted him as well, and for a moment their eyes met. Ezekiel's whole body tingled as if nerves that had been dormant for weeks were coming back to life.

Then Lilly looked away and continued walking. Pain surged in Ezekiel's chest. He had to do something. He had to know. He gathered all of his courage and ran after her.

"Lilly, wait!" he exclaimed.

She stopped, stiffly turning to look at him. There was no warmth in her gaze, only sadness.

"Ezekiel," she said flatly.

Ezekiel hesitated. It had been a long time since Lilly had called him anything but 'Zeke'.

"Lilly, what's going on?" he said finally. "Why are you ignoring me? Why won't you talk to me?"

She crossed her arms defensively in front of her chest but said nothing.

Ezekiel gave her a hesitant smile. "I've missed you."

Lilly looked away from Ezekiel. "I'm sorry, Ezekiel," she said, her voice wobbling. "I-I can't be seen with you anymore." Having started, the words bubbled out of Lilly, "I-I don't want to be an outcast. You know what I mean. The other students, they won't let it go if we're seen together. I couldn't bear it, the isolation, the bullying."

Her eyes filled with tears. "I can't. I won't." She shook her head defiantly and gave him a challenging look. "I am doing everything I can to make a life for myself at Elementium, but it is hard for us commoners. I can't afford to be linked with you on top of that!"

The hurt must have been evident on his face because Lilly's tone softened considerably from one moment to the next.

"Please understand, Zeke," she pleaded, her voice breaking. "I don't want to hurt you, but I have to think about myself and my future at the academy."

She gave him one last look and then, just like that, she turned and walked away.

Ezekiel's heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. Did their years of friendship mean so little?

Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes as he stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to move. Life at the academy had already been hard, but he had thought his best friends would be by his side to help him through it. Even as Lilly had kept her distance, he had held on to the hope that it was only a misunderstanding, only a temporary setback. He had never expected to lose one of his best friends by attending the academy. As the minutes ticked by, Ezekiel's anger and hurt began to bubble up inside of him.

How could Lilly give up on their friendship like this? How could she not even try to fight for him?

He wanted to scream, to lash out and indulge his burning anger, but he knew that it wouldn't solve anything. Instead, he wiped the tears from his eyes and squared his shoulders. He took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to compose himself. Despite his best efforts, the burning in his core only seemed to grow. It was a feeling he had become all too familiar with, one that had been with him almost since he had arrived at Elementium.

The other students had ridiculed and belittled him from the moment he stepped foot on campus. But he had known that Lilly would always be there for him, a constant source of support and encouragement. Or, at least, he had thought she would be.

Had he ever really known her at all?

The pain became too sharp to bear, and he found himself doubling over and gasping for breath. He forced himself to breathe in deeply and to hold the air in, focusing on the burning in his core and the pain that seemed to radiate from it. And then, when he couldn't hold his breath any longer, he released it in a long, deep sigh, expelling all the hurt and disappointment with it.

He sank to the ground, gasping. The pain had dulled to a hollow ache, but his mind continued reeling from what had just happened.

This is just one more difficulty, he told himself. I'll get through this, too.

He couldn't let the pain and disappointment consume him, not if he wanted to survive at Elementium. When he finally stood up, the look in his eyes had changed once again. A tiny piece of the gentle soul he had once been had crumbled away, without anyone knowing about its passing.

Ezekiel made his way over to the closest alley and collapsed against the wall. The boy sat on the ground, his back against the wall. He looked down at his bloody garments. The next days wouldn't be easy, but he would not let anyone break him - neither his enemies nor his friends. He would prove stronger than they could possibly imagine.

After the day of his goblin hunt, Ezekiel found himself avoiding even Markus. He could not bear to meet his friend again until he had made up for the blunder. With both Markus and Lilly out of his life, Ezekiel had nobody left. Instead of having dinner with him and Armin, he instead holed up in the cramped, dingy room he rented. He had managed to find a place in the beggar's quarters that would let him stay for three copper a week.

He had lost his appetite and struggled to sleep. His mind constantly flipped between the hopes he had had for himself as a student at the Elementium and the dreary reality of his life as an apprentice. He grew thin and hollow-cheeked. His skin had taken on an unhealthy pallor. Consequently, his long days at the academy, followed by working in the crafter's district, took an even bigger toll on his body and mind.

Ezekiel continued to force himself through the motions. He never missed a lesson at the academy, and never skipped a day's work, but his body and mind were deteriorating. He knew he needed to do something to break out of this spiral of self-destruction, but he didn't know what.

What was worse, as time went on, Ezekiel's classmates grew more daring. They started adding physical attacks to their verbal assaults. His Blood affinity's passive ability to quickly heal any injuries he sustained made it easy for his classmates to abuse him when no one was looking. His injuries normally disappeared within minutes, there was never any evidence.

Even if he had the bruises to show for it, it would do him little good. The other students knew that his lack of an elemental affinity and noble affiliation meant he had no protection. They took every opportunity to point this out to him.

It was a constant cycle of abuse and healing. Ezekiel found himself feeling more isolated and alone than ever before. He tried his best to stay strong, to not let the daily abuse get to him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold on to hope. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't convince himself that he could ever belong at Elementium. That he would never be accepted by the other students or allowed to exist in peace.

He just wanted to find a way to fit in, to be seen as more than a burden.

The semester ticked on, one miserable day after another. He couldn't fight the nagging suspicion that his struggles would ultimately prove futile.