Tunnel Rat

The Sharks were a shadow of their former strength. A dozen, maybe two dozen, had deserted and went mining or sailed away on small rafts. Beluga and her crew limped in as the sun was coming up, in horrible shape, bruised everywhere, and with many broken bones. All of them knew they were lucky to be alive. Not so at least twenty others who had met their ends drinking bad wine, fighting with players, or other occupational hazards. Mako recruited thirty pirates, giving them a chance to join up and earn their hats. With their numbers restored, they formed a ragged mob and walked through town on their way to the casino. They were dirty and ragged, tired and hurting, but that was the life of a Scavenger crew. The good times in the casino had made them soft and they'd paid the price. Now it was time to claw their way back to the top.

Many people were also heading to the casino or already there. Six exhausted Sharks had been guarding it non-stop since the night the Captains had played poker. They'd watched the crews of other ships and the Engineers drink the bar dry before hauling up the kegs from the basement. The buffet was empty, with only a few stale crackers in a basket. They'd tried to intervene when the Engineers stacked all the furniture and gaming tables against a wall, then rolled up the carpets to make room for dancing and had to watch as Sledgemonkey called out the steps for a seven-hour session of square dancing. The only thing no one touched was the area around the Captain's table and the only people who sat in that end of the casino were Scavenger Captains and their Mates, grudgingly allowing the Senior Engineers to join them.

Outside, a crowd surrounded the colorful wagons of the mysterious caravan that just arrived. The hardworking ratkin had claimed an area of cleared ground and put their wagons in a long row and then opened for business. Along with their signature Limburger cheese, brought a large assortment of fine cheese, ground mushroom flour, myconic tonics and miraculous poison cures, scrimshaw artwork, spellcaster's wands and staves, and enchanted jellybeans.

By far, the most popular item was the food cart where a large chef was cooking up his favorite specialties. 'Hollow Food' was an immediate hit, especially with Captain Pike. The ogre was sitting at a table dragged from the casino, eating fried cavefish, fried mushrooms, and tasty golden fry bread. He was sitting next to the largest ratkin anyone had ever seen, comparing notes on underground monstrosities. Pike was just starting a story about hunting a giant, hundred-arm squid when Rosie and Buttercup appeared to either side of him, making all of his inner alarms go off. To his credit, the monster hunter only twitched once, then smiled. The frilly pink dresses helped a lot.

The girls sat politely and asked him to start from the beginning. Storytime was still going two hours later. Pike loved telling his tales, but too many people were 'squeamish' and didn't appreciate the juicy parts of a fight and harvesting the good bits afterward. Rosie and Buttercup sat still, mesmerized by his stories, applauding and asking questions after each one.

Captain Squint appeared with a contingent of Kulags, overjoyed to find the caravan. He'd been in and out of the casino several times to get another plate of food between rounds of square dancing. He'd also purchased a dozen carved bone knives. He never had enough knives. His knife collection was only surpassed by his collection of broken knives.

Into this circus, the Sharks marched, Mako scowling at what people were doing in her casino. She spied Professor Tallsqueak sitting at the Captain's table along with Captains Whale, Annie, Goldtooth, and Cuda. The Engineers guarding the doors had 'suggested' that Mako only bring in twenty of her crew. She'd grudgingly accepted and left the other hundred outside under the command of the injured Beluga.

Two crew carried in a large sea chest, necessitated by the coinage inside being more silver and copper on the bottom than gold. Mako had the chest set down and opened, then addressed the Professor while ignoring everyone else. "I'd like to talk to you in private."

Tallsqueak didn't look at the gold and shook his head, "No, I'd rather not. In Limburger Hollow, we conduct our business in the open, since what affects some of us affects all of us. We have no secrets, hidden cabals, or insular clans to divide us. While this certainly isn't the Hollow, still, I would prefer to do business that way. These good Captains are witnesses to our earlier deals and offered to make sure promises were kept. I see no reason, on my part at least, for not continuing to do business in front of them. Please feel free to speak to all of us."

"Very well, I have a proposal for you."

That seemed to surprise the Professor who looked interested at first, then sadly shook his head. "I must say, Captain Mako, that I'm flattered and maybe just a little intrigued at the possibilities you present, but I have already received such a proposal from a lovely girl in the Hollow, and she is waiting for my answer. I couldn't disappoint poor Charlotte by accepting your offer of matrimony."

Mako's mouth hung open. Whale had taken a sip of her rum and spewed it out over Annie and began choking. Annie and Goldtooth pounded her on the back, Annie putting her muscles into it. Captain Cuda remarked, "Very smart man."

Mako's face turned bright red, whether, from anger or the embarrassment of being turned down, no one knew. "No! Dammit, I have a business deal for you, one that will make you a lot of money. I'm sure you'll like it, with your background in mathematics."

The Professor seemed interested, "Well, I do love math. It was one of the subjects I taught at the Tower of Strife. Please, present your deal."

"I've got 17,000 in gold and the deeds to two warehouses, three bars, and 9 vacant lots near the docks. I'm willing to pay you all of it for a half interest in the casino. We know how to run it, and how to make money. You won't have to lift a finger. You'll get a quarter of the profits. The Sharks get three-quarters, but we'll put half of our money aside until we can afford the other half of the casino, at which point we'll buy it back from you. And we'll still pay you one-quarter of the profits after that for another five years. In addition, we'll manage the real estate, and the docks, with you getting a quarter of the profits and a similar buyout deal. It's like selling it all, but still making money for five years. Very profitable and with no effort on your part. Plus, your Hollow is making valuable allies who will be helpful in so many ways."

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

The Professor looked interested. "My, that is some very nice-looking math, and I do hate to get my hands dirty."

"So, we have a deal."

The Professor sneered and shook his head, "Oh, I'm sorry, what would make you jump to that conclusion? Of course not."

"What? Why not?!"

"Because I don't want to. But thank you for bringing by all the gold and property deeds. That will cover your debt for gold I put out to cover the money I paid the Engineers. Still a long way from buying back all of your chips, but I suppose I'll have to be patient and wait for that part. Maybe your crew should take jobs in the mines? Some of the mining in the deeper areas is quite good and you could pay your debts in the next couple of years."

"Become dirt-suckers and rock-chippers? Never!"

"Well, then I'll let the Shadowskulkers and Captain Squint know that it's open season on Sharks."

Mako was turning purple in the face and her heart was racing. She needed this deal! Everyone had conspired and turned against her, and now she was being told off by some bumpkin from down in the caves who'd never been on a ship. It was almost too much to take.

"Look, this is a good deal, but I can make it better. Ten years of profits."

"Tempting, but no."

"Twenty years! Twenty years of profits for doing nothing at all. It's a good deal. I swear it, on my personal honor."

The Professor's voice was cold. "Again, no. I don't trust you, Mako. You have no honor. Your actions in this town have shown that and what you've done to the people living here. Better for your clan to pack up and leave. Your reputation in this town is destroyed, no one will trust you again. As everyone says, Sharks Suck Bilge Water. Good day, ma'am, I am done doing business with you." Ṛ

Mako turned white and trembled, finally getting ahold of herself as she took ten deep breaths. Then she grinned and showed all of her teeth, some gold and some pointed. "I take offense to that, Captain Tallsqueak. You can't insult me and my clan that way in front of all these Captains. I challenge you to a Duel of Captains."

Whale and the other Captains stood up, shouting. "He isn't a Captain!"

"Are you insane Mako?"

"Pay your debts, woman, you're making us look bad...well, worse."

Whale shouted loudly, again. "He isn't a Captain!"

The Professor didn't react at all, but sat, thinking.

Mako pointed to the table, "Isn't he? He accepted the title, and you all witnessed it. He's sitting at the table like he owns it."

"I do own it, it comes with the casino. A very fine table, and I'm fond of it."

Whale glared at the ratkin, then at Mako. "Not a Captain, you're flaunting Scavenger law, or bending it into a pretzel at the very least."

Captain Cuda shook her head, disagreeing, "There's precedent. Three times that I can remember, we've named people honorary Captains. It fell out of favor because they always got challenged to duels or pushed into politics. This is another bad example. But Mako isn't wrong."

Tallsqueak stood up. "So, what is involved in this duel?"

Mako smiled, sensing a win, finally. "You insulted me, I demand satisfaction. You pick a champion and I pick a champion. They fight a friendly cage match."

Squint immediately put his hand in the air, "OOOOH, Pick me. I'm champion material and I love cage matches. Cats! Bring my best knives, and get my fancy hat."

Tallsqueak smiled at the thought of Squint fighting. But he also knew Mako was counted as one of the toughest Scavenger Captains. He understood better how the Sharks were tolerated. The threat of a duel kept everyone polite. "Any other options?"

"Why yes, you can slink away and be known for not backing up your words."

Tallsqueak smiled, "Well, that seems the least dangerous option. I'm sure my reputation can sustain a minor hit."

Annie and Whale scowled, and Cuda pointed out the problem. "Captains wager their ships."

"I don't have a ship, and neither does Captain Mako."

Cuda continued, "The Silver Shark counts as a ship, it's just in pieces. The parts, hull plating, and scrap metal are worth a lot. You'd have to put up something of equal value, like this casino. Then you could slink away, giving it up."

"Hmm, that's much worse. But let's discuss this 'slinking away'. I know the value placed on this casino, and the scrap heap doesn't come close. That chest of gold is the payment of debts already owed and should come to me. I want something else. If my champion wins the fight, then the Sharks have to slink away and leave Shadowport for fifty years."

Mako considered, then said, "That's fair. We have a duel then?"

Tallsqueak nodded, "We have a duel."

"I nominate myself, Captain Mako of the Silver Shark, as my champion. Which of your crew do you nominate, Captain Professor Tallsqueak?" She grinned nastily as she said his name.

Tallsqueak looked to where many people were raising their hands, "Oh, I have several people who are anxious to fight you. Who shall it be? Captain Pike? Captain Squint? Oh, I see Rosie and Buttercup are excited. They're only seven years old, do I get both of them?"

Heads turned to where Squint and the Ogre were grinning and two chees-fiends in pink frilly dresses were jumping up and down chanting 'Cage Match! Cage Match.'

Mako shook her head, "Nope. You have to pick a crew member. That sort of limits you since you don't have a ship. Right, Captain Cuda?"

Whale was looking furious, but resigned. Cuda nodded, dispassionate as a referee, "That's correct. Without a crew, the Professor is limited to himself. Sorry Prof, but rules are rules."

Mako lit a cigar while the Professor weighed his options. She sneered at him, "Guess you should have been more polite and taken my deal. Ready to leave town so I can reopen my casino?"

The ratkin's eyes were completely black as he turned and smiled at her, showing his sharp incisors. "And give up the chance to fight against you while confined in a small cage? I haven't fought a duel in ages and I'm anxious to get started."