Tunnel Rat

The next round started and Milo dodged immediately, having no idea what 'legal' trick Mako would come up with next. He looked horrible, his clothing scorched and burned and some of his fur blackened. But his Near Fiendish Regeneration was super-charged with Battle Cheese and he wasn't feeling the pain. The Cheese Masters of the Hollows had worked for generations to weaponize their snacks, and Milo could easily see how soldiers could become addicted to them. Mako pulled something from her storage ring, upset to find only a long string of firecrackers, having forgotten how many bombs she'd used at the last big party. She tossed them and the crowd roared in pleasure as Milo scampered for safety and ended up holding onto the top of the cage above Mako.

They cheered more when the next instant, thirteen glowing skulls fell all around her, exploding and turning her into a pincushion with hundreds of slivers of bone stuck into her skin. Mako's ears were ringing and she was knocked into the air by the multiple explosions. Milo swung by his tail from the top of the cage and hit her in the head with his weapon, a spike puncturing an eardrum, the smaller spikes penetrated her skull for only a quarter inch. The blow wasn't fatal, but it maddened the Scavenger from the pain. She stood screaming at Milo and waving her cutlass in the air. He dropped his last three bombs to distract her and swung to the ground.

Mako was bleeding now, and breathing hard, her anger growing as her opponent failed to die, and worse, cheated as well as she did. The crowd was roaring and the referee was shouting, the crowd too loud for the small bell to be heard by the fighters in the cage. "End of the round, stop fighting you idiots. Mako stomped to her corner and poured another bottle of 'Whiskey' down her throat. Captain Cuda approached Milo's corner. "What the hell were the skulls?"

"Why, nothing illegal. I'm surprised you've asked. Just some simple explosives. No cataclysmite and no spell. Just a triggered rune like Mako's sword. I'm so happy to find out that triggered runes are legal."

"And you just happened to have all those in a storage device?"

Professor Tallsqueak grinned at the referee. "I like skulls."

The crowd liked them too. Where there had been only a few people shouting for Milo, now his cheering section was growing and equal to Mako's fans. They still thought he'd lose, but he was putting up a good fight. It only added to Mako's anger. "Hand me the zerkerjuice."

Beluga pulled out a bottle of dark rum. "Careful, boss. Don't take more than a few sips or you'll be out of control."

Mako laughed, "I'm barely in control now. I need to kill someone. I feel all torn up inside and somehow that bastard is cracking my bones. I even broke a toe when I kicked him. I'm past caring, Beluga. I'm going to paint the cage with his guts." Beluga could only watch as she chugged half the bottle before her hand started shaking and she dropped it. Roaring incoherently, she charged Tallsqueak and Captain Cuda hurriedly hit the bell, just before Mako hit her opponent.

Milo had turned his head to talk to Brutus and turned back too late to avoid Mako's berserk charge across the ring. He was slammed into the side of the cage hard, and if not for his hard-runed bones, would have lost half of his ribs. Mako hadn't even drawn her sword and simply started hitting him in the face and body, over and over. Milo couldn't get away, or draw his weapon, so he used his claws and tail.

One claw slashed and did 100 damage to her, finally able to overcome her mitigation. The second did 450 damage, benefitting from Extra Stabby. Milo's tail slapped her hard in the skull for another critical hit, causing her to pause for a moment, and the tail wrapped around her neck and pulled her over backward.

With only a quarter of his health left, Milo leaped free. Mako came up foaming and raced at him. He rolled to the side and tripped her with his tail, sending her tumbling into her own corner. A quick glance showed him that his weapon was at the edge of the cage, but instead of running for it, he considered another weapon. He wasn't skilled with it, but Mako wasn't dodging. Without a moment's thought, he pulled the screwdriver from his belt and transformed it into the Mace of Armageddon. He didn't know how to use a mace, but he did know how to correctly use a Pre-System Force Application Tool. With his tail, he formed an engineering rune that described the circular motion of a horizontal cog and the mace swung in a perfect horizontal arc that hit Mako in the chest as she charged and slammed her back against the cage. The force unleashed was horrific, and anyone else would have been killed. With Zerkerjuice in her system, Mako wasn't even knocked out. She also wasn't thinking too well. She staggered forward, mostly from bouncing off the cage, and saw multiple Professors whirling in a circle toward her. Milo hadn't canceled the rune and kept whirling around, completing two full rotations as he danced to where Mako was and hit her again, this time in her side, shattering multiple ribs into small shards. She then helpfully assisted him by staggering up again as he completed another rotation.

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This time he managed to adjust the trajectory and he hit her in the head. Teeth sprayed from her jaw and one eye popped out of the socket as Mako fell to the ground, not moving. Her brittle skull, like all her cursed brittle bones, was in several pieces. Milo released the mace and it hit the side of the cage, bending the bars three feet out and nearly breaking the cage. He kept spinning for six more rotations before turning the spin into the ending move of the Happy Hamster Hop and managed to stay on his feet as the crowd cheered.

Captain Cuda hit the bell several times and declared the fight over. "Winner of this match and current Champion of Shadowport, Captain Tallsqueak of Limburger Hollow."

Milo managed to stay standing only until he got out of the cage. Bleusnout took his pulse, "We should get him wrapped up and get some tea and puffcakes into him. He's had a lot of cheese, and that's all that kept him alive through that."

Brutus retrieved his mace, mostly so the girls wouldn't grab it. He gingerly put it in his belt, aware that Tallsqueak had nearly killed himself with it before. The girls were already playing in the cage and trying to get anyone else to join them. Even drunken pirates weren't that dumb.

Beluga looked down at Mako, "You just had to push things, didn't you? And now I have to take a broke clan of idiots and take them somewhere else. I should leave you here, but I suppose I'll take you along, maybe he knocked some brains into you."

She had four of her crew pick up Mako and haul her to a healer who would accept a hefty IOU for his work. Then the Sharks headed for the docks. A three-masted sloop was just docking, disgorging a crew of thirsty pirates who ran for the bars that were waiting for them. Ten minutes later Beluga and the Sharks walked up the gangplank and explained the new reality to the few crew minding the ship. Three were tossed overboard and four joined the sharks. Less than an hour after the cage match was over, the Sharks were out of Shadowport, heading to parts unknown.

Milo would find out about that the next day. For the rest of the day, he sat in Mako's big chair at the Captain's table, dozing, slurping down tea, and red jelly bean potions, and eating puffcakes. He had a gnawing feeling inside, and Bleusnout noticed him eyeing the piece of cheddar that he'd carefully placed in the center of the table.

"My cravings are back. I thought I was over them."

Bleusnout shook his head, "We never get over them. I was in horrible shape after what Rifkin did to me. Smiley and I kept a watch on each other for two months, and Harry watched both of us. Luckily, we had Larry for inspiration. If a cheese fiend can curb his addiction, the rest of us can as well. Which brings me to my next question. What are you planning to do with this huge building?"

"Oh, give it back to the people the Sharks stole it from. They'll use it for a bathhouse and washing clothes, although it's s lot bigger now. Why?"

The chef pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "You have a very nice kitchen at that end of the building, and a huge basement that would be ideal for growing mushrooms and making cheese. And sadly, far too many whelps running wild up here that need a firm hand to help them with their urges."

"You want to start a Hollow?"

"Ah, no, not nearly so ambitious. I want to start a restaurant and serve food from the Hollow. Brutus can supply me with the mushroom flour I need from the Hollow and I can grow my artisanal varieties of fungus and make a little cheese. My main goal is to foster trade with Limburger Hollow and have a place to teach our values to the wild urchins running through these streets. Frankly, I'm surprised half of them haven't become cheese fiends already."

That worried Milo, "Cheese fiends would be bad. Very bad, in so many ways." He had no idea if players would still be in control, hopefully not! "Oh, wait! That means I'll be able to have puffcakes whenever I'm here!"

Bleusnout nodded to him, "And attend classes. I'll be starting the next one tomorrow morning." He pulled out a copy of It Takes a Hollow to Make the Cheese and handed it to Milo. "Refresh yourself, I'd added new material. You'll be assisting me, of course."