You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 34 — Ancestor Worship

Edited by DancingDolphinsYo

After getting the offerings, candles and joss sticks ready, Guan Shanjin wrapped Wu Xingzi up in a big coat. With one hand holding the offerings and the other holding Wu Xingzi’s hand, he spoke assuredly, “Let’s go.”

“Oh.”

Wu Xingzi kept feeling that something did not seem quite right, but he still led Guan Shanjin towards the mountain.

After walking for about an hour, they reached a valley. In the midst of winter, the valley was warmer than the exposed surroundings. The ground was covered with chinese silvergrass, and little small mounds were faintly discernible through the silvergrass. Most of them had been cleared regularly, and so they were not buried within the silvergrass.

Not far away from the Wu family’s ancestral grave, there stood an enormous old tree. On the left of the old tree was an empty space that was not too big nor small, and it was rather special. What grew on it was not silvergrass, but a patch of vivid, green grass. Guan Shanjin glanced at it, then took out a sickle from the basket and started cutting the silvergrass.

“Do you see that patch of ground?” Wu Xingzi’s voice was somewhat exultant, and it made Guan Shanjin curious.

“I see it. Is there something special about it?” Guan Shanjin’s actions were swift and deft. As they conversed, he had already cleared a large patch of silvergrass, revealing half the grave.

“That’s where I’ll be laid to rest in the future.” Wu Xingzi’s voice was laden heavily with his yearning.

Guan Shanjin always knew that Wu Xingzi had already purchased his own gravesite. He straightened up, glancing towards that spot. It was in a sunny area, and was paired with a good view.

“It’s a nice spot.” Although that was what he said, he still felt a little bitter, and a little upset. He could not explain why, only thinking that this spot belonging to Wu Xingzi was perfect for one person, but it would be a rather tight fit for two.

“Exactly.” Wu Xingzi was delighted. He spoke as he cleared the silvergrass off the grave, “Many people were after this spot!”

“Oh? Then how did you manage to buy it?”

The tombstone in front of the mound was now visible as well. The words on the wooden tablet had long turned indistinct. Short and covered with moss, it somehow gave off a bleak feeling, similar to that of Qingcheng County.

“Uhh…” Wu Xingzi rubbed his nose, laughing a little sheepishly. “So, I’m the adviser, right? Qingcheng County is a very small place, and all the documents pertaining to the sale of land will go through me. At that time, after I found out about this place, I… cough, took part in a little jobbery.”

Laying it out in the open, it was actually no big deal. In a small little place like Qingcheng County, even such sales of governmental land were very innocent.

In conclusion, all people had to do was fill in the contract of sale at the magistrate’s office. The magistrate would usually also not waste manpower and time to investigate in all sorts of matters, and just settle things as simply as possible. If too many people were eyeing the same plot of land, it would then be up to the magistrate’s decision. Wu Xingzi had worked ceaselessly and earnestly for so many years, and he had gained the trust of each successive magistrate. Since he wanted to buy that plot of land, the magistrate approved of it immediately.

“This backdoor deal was really worth it.” This was the only time in his life that Adviser Wu had sought his personal gain. He felt a little uneasy about it, but also a little gleeful. Now, while mentioning this matter, his face still reddened.

“I didn’t imagine that Adviser Wu was someone like this,” Guan Shanjin spoke teasingly. Although the old fellow looked very ordinary, no matter how he looked at him, he found him very pleasing to the eye. If not for the inappropriate location, Guan Shanjin really wanted to drag Wu Xingzi into his arms and caress him all over.

“Hey.” Wu Xingzi’s blush travelled from his ears to his neck. Lowering his head, he started arranging the candles and the offerings, feeling a little flustered.

In the end, Guan Shanjin still could not help but lean over and nuzzle his cheek. Wu Xingzi hunched over in fright and shyness, and he was on the edge.

After that, Wu Xingzi kept avoiding Guan Shanjin, always keeping a distance of a person away from him. Only after they had finished burning the joss papers and tidied up the offerings and candles, was Wu Xingzi willing to come a little closer to Guan Shanjin. However, he still refused to let Guan Shanjin hold his hand.

Walking out of the valley, Wu Xingzi finally shifted closer to Guan Shanjin. His tone was a little wronged, “How could you be so lascivious in front of my parents and ancestors?”

“How so?” Guan Shanjin stretched out his long arm, pulling Wu Xingzi into his embrace. “That’s being lascivious? Then what was last night?”

Who will have the cheek to answer this question?! Wu Xingzi’s face flushed red, hurriedly covering Guan Shanjin’s mouth. After looking around and confirming that there was no one nearby, he sighed in relief.

“Shh! Don’t mention private matters out in public!” Although there was no one around, the ancestors were still behind them! If they happened to be present, would they not have heard it? How was he going to still hold his head up in the future?! Would he be punished by having to kneel on the abacus at night? Just thinking about it made his flesh creep!

Knowing how thin-skinned Wu Xingzi was, Guan Shanjin did not tease him any further. With an arm around his shoulders, he started walking back home.

“Right, so how did you explain about me?” When praying to his ancestors, Wu Xingzi looked very sincere, spending a long time muttering at the wooden tablet. If Guan Shanjin wanted to listen to him, he naturally would have been able to do so. However, it was already out of the norm for him to participate in the worship of someone else’s ancestors, and if he were to also eavesdrop on Wu Xingzi’s prayers, he would really have gone overboard.

Still, despite not listening in, Guan Shanjin could not help but be curious. He had a pressing desire to know what position did he exactly hold in Wu Xingzi’s heart.

Guan Shanjin noticed the man in his arms giving a small shudder. It was evident that he was a little uneasy, and Wu Xingzi’s face had paled. Wu Xingzi looked up, grinning placatingly at him.

There was no way he could tell him about it! Wu Xingzi’s palms turned clammy.

He normally only took a short while to complete his prayers to his ancestors. After all, what was left in the grave were actually only clothes and some wooden puppets meant as substitutes. His parents had been washed away in the huge flood that year and vanished. The graves had all been completely destroyed, and when the waters receded, the bones of everyone’s family members were all jumbled up together. Many of them were even now left incomplete. At that time, Wu Xingzi was still young. Only with the Liu family’s help did he manage to get some wooden puppets and clothes as substitutes, and cleaned up the grave.

Wu Xingzi wondered, after his death, if another big flood occurred again, what would happen to his ancestors and him?

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Wu Xingzi’s face looked somewhat awful, as though he had recalled something sorrowful, and even his lips were pale. Guan Shanjin’s heart ached a little. He reached out and rubbed at Wu Xingzi’s lips, consoling him. “I have no intention of forcing you to say anything. It’s fine if you don’t want to say it.”

“Hmm?” Wu Xingzi blinked. After understanding what Guan Shanjin meant, he heaved a breath of relief.

He had told his ancestors: Dear forefathers. Your unfilial descendent has brought along the pengornis that I’m currently having a tryst with. Please don’t take any offense. In this coming year, if there is an even better pengornis, please do let me have the chance to meet them. Please bless the pengornis with the best wishes possible, and let it be forever unyielding.

When he was making his prayers, he had been distracted by Guan Shanjin to the point of confusion, and so spoke nonsense. Thinking about it now, he was a little apprehensive. Would his ancestors make him kneel on an abacus after hearing such a prayer?

Ah, what a headache.

Wu Xingzi’s ancestors were probably incensed by his prayer. Just as the two people arrived home, they saw Auntie Li and Auntie Liu, each with their own group of friends, tearing into each other.

Wu Xingzi could not put into words how astonished he was. Standing there blankly, he watched as Auntie Liu waved her broom around, and Auntie Li blocking her blows with a winnowing basket. Da Niu’s mother was holding onto a spatula, and on Auntie Liu’s side, there was someone holding two large carrots as though she was holding onto a pair of knives.

What exactly was going on? The New Year was soon to arrive, how did they end up fighting?

Without thinking, Wu Xingzi wanted to go up and persuade them to stop fighting. However, Guan Shanjin stopped him from doing so. Instead they stood far in the distance, watching the show under a tree.

“Quick, let me go. The villagers have already started fighting, what happens if someone gets injured?” Wu Xingzi was anxious. He tried shrugging Guan Shanjin away with force a few times, but Guan Shanjin held him tighter instead. He was almost embedded within his embrace.

“If they want to fight, just let them fight. You’re no longer the adviser of Qingcheng County, and you’ll be returning to Bastion City after the New Year. There’s no need for you to get yourself involved in such bloody matters.” Guan Shanjin had long heard clearly what the dispute between the two groups was about. He sneered at Auntie Li’s group.

Although he was very disgusted by the gossiping of these ignorant women, as the dignified Southern Garrison General, it was impossible for Guan Shanjin to argue with women. He knew who the source of the rumours were, and he would naturally resolve the matter after going back to Bastion City. As for the vulgar village women, there would be Auntie Liu to seek justice on behalf of Wu Xingzi. He could not let this old quail with a one-track mind to go spoil this from happening.

“I’m no longer the adviser of Qingcheng County?” Wu Xingzi’s breath caught. Only then did he recall that he had been absent from work for nearly two months without any official reason. Knowing that he had probably caused quite a lot of trouble for the magistrate’s office, his heart jolted. He was a little nervous, and he felt as though he was in a freefall.

“Since you’re with me in Bastion City, of course you would not be able to fulfill the obligations of being an adviser. Li Jian has already found a replacement, and you don’t need to worry about it.”

How could he not worry? Wu Xingzi’s anxiety increased the more he thought about it. He had always thought that he would be that happy frog in the well, but who would have thought that he would be scooped out of the well in the blink of an eye? Now, the well had even turned dry, and he was unable to return to it even if he wanted to do so.

“But… How could I stay in Bastion City forever? My gravesite is still here…” When his tryst with Guan Shanjin was over, what should he do after returning to Qingcheng County? He still wanted to continue collecting pengornises! It seemed like he would need to start planting crops.

Although it would be tiring, he still had a bucket stash of slightly over nine taels. He might not be able to buy a fir coffin in the future, but he could still select a cedar coffin worth about four or five taels. Calculating that, Wu Xingzi’s mood improved again. Now, with pengornises, he was satisfied with life. After all, things would always happen in life, and a pengornis might always be there around the corner!

Over here, Wu Xingzi was thinking about his pengornises, while over there, Auntie Liu and Auntie Li had already tossed away the broom and the basket in their hands. Rolling up their sleeves, they had begun fighting.

Guan Shanjin was very entertained. Auntie Liu was evidently much better at fighting than Auntie Li. Although she was thin and small, her strength was tremendous. With one slap from her, Auntie Li’s left cheek swelled up, and she fell onto the ground in a sorry state.

“Hah! Continue spreading nonsense, just spread your nonsense!” Auntie Liu’s anger had yet to be vented out. Lunging onto Auntie Li, she gave her another three loud slaps. Now, Auntie Li’s face was like a turtle bun1, looking red, swollen and giving off a burning sensation.

“You bitch!” Da Niu’s mother saw that her friend was now at a disadvantage. Shrieking, she lunged over.

Great. It was New Year’s Eve tomorrow, and the atmosphere was supposed to be bustling and joyful. Now, everything was in a mess, and seven or eight women had their sleeves rolled up, tussling about. Those two carrots had been swung several times in the face of Auntie Fang, and it finally broke into two. The victim too was disoriented from the beating, and she fell onto the ground, crying shrilly.

“Auntie Liu is truly impressive.” From the basket of offerings, Guan Shanjin took out some dried fruit and fed Wu Xingzi, while he nibbled on some melon seeds.

Evidently! Auntie Liu and Auntie Li both had brought three people each with them. Now, from Auntie Li’s side, other than Da Niu’s mother who was still resisting stubbornly, the other two had turned into turtle buns. Just as it seemed like the chaos was about to end with Auntie Liu’s complete victory, Auntie Li suddenly screamed. “Wu Xingzi!”

“Ack!” Wu Xingzi was biting into the dried fruit at that very moment. He choked, and coughed fiercely.

Auntie Li was reinvigorated out of nowhere. She scrambled towards Wu Xingzi, and even Auntie Liu was unable to stop her. Grabbing at his lapels, she screeched, “Say it! Say it! What sort of demonic charms did you use to enchant the god-like man? How can a bald chicken think of itself as a phoenix? On what grounds can you do that?! On what grounds?!”

The fruit was now stuck in Wu Xingzi’s windpipe. He gave a racking cough, unable to speak, and even his face turned red.

“Remove your hand.” How could Guan Shanjin allow Wu Xingzi to be bullied right before his very eyes? He reached out, directly twisting both of Auntie Li’s wrists.

Screaming painfully, she stumbled backwards and fell onto her buttocks. Tears and snot covered her face, and she looked towards Guan Shanjing ingratiatingly, as well as in fear, as she started howling.

“God-like man! You have to wake up! Wu Xingzi has blinded you with a demonic charm! What I’m telling you is the truth!”

“Pah!” Auntie Liu had caught up. She swung her broom about, hitting and scolding at the same time. “You’re just jealous! Who here doesn’t know that you’ve long looked unfavourably at Wu Xingzi?! Hah! The bald chicken you were talking about is that son of yours, right?! Only knowing how to read a few words, and he wants to replace Xingzi as the adviser? Who gave you the cheek to do so? Huh?! Who gave you the cheek!”

Auntie Li was beaten to the point where she had nowhere to hide. Together with the pain from her twisted wrist, she screamed like a pig getting slaughtered. Auntie Fang and Da Niu’s mother both had already stopped. After all, people would always assess the situation and react accordingly. Putting aside the matter of Wu Xingzi employing demonic charms, that hand of the god-like man was in no way easy to deal with!

What those women were chirping on about, Guan Shanjin took no notice. He only cared if Wu Xingzi was in pain from choking, and he patted his back. Removing the bamboo container from his waist, Guan Shanjin fed Wu Xingzi water, sip by sip. Finally, they managed to remove the dried fruit from his windpipe. Wu Xingzi’s eyes, nose and face were all red, and Guan Shanjin’s heart ached looking at him. Hugging him, Guan Shanjin spoke a few words of comfort.

“Auntie Liu, Auntie Liu! Don’t fight anymore.” However, Wu Xingzi was only concerned about the few aunties. With eyes still wet from choking, he hurriedly waved his arms at Auntie Liu, attempting to stop her.

“Xingzi, don’t be scared! I know when to stop. The Li family’s skin is thick and coarse, they won’t be injured so easily. If I don’t teach them a proper lesson, she’ll never have any control over her mouth!” Auntie Liu was just like a female general. Despite her harried breathing, compared to Auntie Li’s dishevelment, the energy suffused within her was enough to make her glow.

“Auntie…” Wu Xingzi wrung his hands and rubbed his nose, not knowing how to persuade her to stop. He was well aware that today’s chaos was definitely caused by the rumours that they heard yesterday, and Auntie Liu was only doing this because of him. He was extremely touched, but also afraid that Auntie Liu would end up getting involved in a lawsuit. Wu Xingzi was now no longer the adviser anymore, and he had no way of protecting Auntie Liu. What could he do?

When Wu Xingzi was about to persuade her again, Guan Shanjin covered his mouth. “Let Auntie Liu vent her anger. I’ll deal with Li Jian.”

Uhh… Wu Xingzi smiled brightly at Guan Shanjin, exclaiming silently that this backdoor of the magistrate’s office was probably as widely open as that of the city’s gate…

Another bout of turmoil, and Auntie Li finally dared not continue crying anymore. Only then did Auntie Liu stop waving the broom in her hand, and heroically wiped the sweat on her forehead. Holding the broom like a spear, she spoke. “If you talk nonsense about Xingzi again, I’ll beat you each time I hear it!”

Resentfully, Auntie Li glared at Auntie Liu. She then glanced over at Wu Xingzi and Guan Shanjin snuggling together, and her eyes were about to turn bloodshot from anger. However, she now did not have the guts to squabble anymore. Snorting, Auntie Li stood up with the help of Auntie Fang, unwillingly leaving the scene with her friends.

Confirming that her nemesis had retreated, Auntie Liu gloatingly patted the dust off her skirts, looking arrogantly at Guan Shanjin. “See it for yourself. Although I’m only a humble woman, I can still be someone Xingzi can count on. You two should spend your days well together, but if you were to hurt Xingzi, I will not let you off too!”

Guan Shanjin admired such heroic words, and he nodded, showing his agreement.

Satisfied, Auntie Liu and her friends gave Wu Xingzi some words of consolation, then returned back to their individual homes happily, chests puffed up with pride.

There were still traces of the fight left in front of his house. Wu Xingzi stared at those marks for a moment, bursting out with laughter.

“Why are you so happy?” Guan Shanjin tightened his arms around the person in his embrace. Looking at the reddened fleshy nose, his teeth itched a little, and he lowered his head to bite at it.

“Hey, no biting.” Wu Xingzi shyly ducked away, pulling at Guan Shanjin and heading home. “I just feel that this year doesn’t seem that bad.”