Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 505: Being Urged to Marry by Family

In Yoshiwara, in a certain otaku's room during the daytime:

"Um..." With a head full of cold sweat, Kawaki awkwardly looks at Kouka, who is sitting quietly beside him and forces a smile. "Sister Kouka, is there anywhere you'd like to go? Edo is lively at the end of the year. I can take you anywhere you want, and of course, Kagura-chan and that baldy will come along too. So... can you stop just sitting here staring at me?"

"Sister is serious, Kawaki-chan," Kouka gently shakes her head, "You're at that age now, and if I can't see you dating and marrying normally, I probably won't be at ease. As a normal human, you must have a family. I don't want to go anywhere on Earth; I just want to see you in a normal relationship, eventually marrying and having children."

"One week is too short! Not to mention dating and marrying, but having kids is even harder!" Kawaki exclaims in desperation, "Spare me!"

"Dear wife! Everything has been done as you instructed!" Umibouzu jumps in through the window, holding a stack of registration forms, "I've got the information on all the eligible local girls ready for marriage around Edo!"

"Mommy! I've already informed all the women uncle knows-aru!" Kagura declares as she bursts through the door.

[Are these people serious?!] Kawaki thinks to himself as he looks at Kagura and the Umibouzu standing next to Kouka, [Hey, hey, hey, I'm the benefactor who reunited your family on Earth, isn't this ingratitude a bit much?!]

[Great! This kid can't refuse Kouka's request! Ha! Just like that, find yourself an Earth girl and marry her!] Umibouzu secretly rejoices. [This way, there's no need to worry about this kid coveting anything anymore! Just like that! Go on... go to the matchmaking meeting!]

"I don't want to... go to matchmaking!!" Kawaki cries out in despair.

"It's no use anymore, little uncle; everyone has been informed-aru," Kagura says expressionlessly, reminding him, "As long as everyone you know agrees-aru, all the times and places have been made clear-are."

"What do you mean 'everyone I know'?" Kawaki scoffs, "Why should I run errands for something so meaningless? Wait, you don't need to answer; I will not participate! Absolutely!"

"Marriage isn't as complicated as you think," Umibouzu tries to console him with a kind look, "Although it might be a bit uncomfortable at first, you'll get used to it after a few beatings from a wife..."

As soon as he finishes speaking, Kouka delivers a swift uppercut technique, sending the Umibouzu crashing into the ceiling.

Hanging from the ceiling, Umibouzu's voice rings out again, "See... it's somewhat similar to this feeling, I'm already... used to it."

[This baldy! He's doing it on purpose! To keep me away from Sister Kouka, this bastard!] Kawaki thinks angrily.

"Anyway, I'll supervise the matchmaking meeting tomorrow myself," Kouka says, picking up the thick stack of collected data from the ground, "If none are satisfactory, Sister will select outstanding girls from these profiles for you to meet in a second round. Before I return, you'll have a round of matchmaking waiting for you every day. I believe you can meet a great girl."

[Hell! Why do I have to face this kind of hell?!] Kawaki thinks in desperation, [No way! Not! Why do I have to go through matchmaking?! Why do I, such an outstanding man, need to find a marriage partner through matchmaking?! Are you looking down on me?! Are you?!]

"Little uncle, give up; mommy is serious-aru," Kagura warns without expression, "No matter what you say, it's useless-aru, just honestly attend the matchmaking. Honestly, minus your face, your qualifications are already below average; not only are you an unemployed game OTAKU, you don't even have much educational background, just a dropout from an ordinary private school, you have no competitive power among men who graduated from various prestigious universities-aru, honestly, if a woman is willing to marry such a loser OTAKU like you, I think her brain must be damaged."

"Hey, isn't that a bit harsh?" Kawaki retorts disdainfully.

…

The next day, morning.

In a restaurant on the streets of Edo, Kawaki, forcibly dragged here by Kouka to participate in matchmaking, sat in a booth twitching his mouth and looking at the disdainful Sacchan sitting opposite him with beads of sweat on his forehead.

Seeing the red button in front of him, Kawaki did not hesitate to press it immediately.

"Is it finally over? Going on a blind date with this disgusting otaku is a disgrace in my life." Sacchan pushed up her glasses and chuckled lightly.

"Ah, the feeling is mutual," Kawaki squinted his eyes and replied with a smile, "Rest assured, I will also regard it as a lifelong disgrace."

"What about Gin-san?!" Sacchan suddenly got excited, stood up, and eagerly asked Kawaki, "After this disgusting otaku, isn't it Gin-san's turn?! Ah~ I'm so excited! I can finally go on a blind date with Gin-san! Hey! Tell me where Gin-san is?!"

Looking at Kouka sitting between Umibouzu and Kagura on the side, Kawaki forcefully suppressed the urge to punch Sacchan flying.

"The location for Gintoki's matchmaking is at the coffee shop at No. 56, 18th Street in Kabukicho." Kawaki grudgingly suppressed his anger and replied with a forced smile.

"Gin-san, here I come!!" Sacchan shouted as she ran out.

"Guess this one didn't work out-aru? Thought they could get along since one is an S and the other's an M," Kagura shrugged as she spoke, "After all, they're both people who like natto."

"Regardless of other factors, the natto smell alone is a bit unbearable," Umibouzu nodded as he analyzed, "I think it's okay to eliminate this one, don't you agree, Kouka?"

[Are you guys acting as judges for some talent show?!] Kawaki internally screamed, [What the hell are you all even doing here?!

"Yes." Kouka, lounging with her legs crossed, seriously marked a cross on the first page of the thick stack of profiles she held, "Nutrition is important; living on natto after marriage would be a health hazard for Kawaki-chan."

[Sister is that all you care about?!] Kawaki internally raged. [I hate natto, too, but that's hardly the point! Shouldn't you be rejecting that natto woman on every conceivable ground?!]

"Mommy, can we call the next one in-aru?" Kagura asked Kouka.

"Yes." Kouka nodded, then seriously began reviewing the profile of the second matchmaking candidate.

"Alright, next one, please come in," Kagura called towards the door.

[Is this a talent show?!] Kawaki felt utterly defeated, but his spirits plummeted further when he saw the stylishly dressed Otae approaching; really, what are you doing here? This isn't some talent show!

"Hello, judges, nice to meet you. I'm Shimura Tae; please take care of me," Otae approached Kouka and the others, bowing respectfully to the trio.

"Kouka, this girl is very polite; I think she has a chance to advance to the next round; we should mark her for further consideration," Umibouzu, now inexplicably wearing a dark suit, crossed his arms and leaned forward to whisper to Kouka.

[Hey! Enough is enough! Jerk!] Kawaki internally raged.

"No, it's too early to decide now-are." Now dressed in a purple-red business suit, Kagura pushed up her nonexistent glasses, crossed her arms, and looked thoughtfully at Otae before speaking, "We should see this girl's performance before making a decision."

[You, too, cut it out a bit!] Kawaki clenched his fists in frustration.

"I'll do my best! Sensei!" Otae earnestly replied.

[What the hell are you doing here?! This is not a talent show!] Kawaki internally despaired.

"Yes, let's start," Kouka exhaled a smoke ring lightly and nodded.

"Nice to meet you; my name is Shimura Tae; you can call me Otae," Otae sat down opposite Kawaki, introducing herself politely, "My specialty is cooking, especially egg dishes."

"Ah, you don't need to go through all that; this isn't a talent show," Kawaki waved his hand in resignation and then raised his hand to press the red button again.

But Kawaki couldn't complete the action this time, as a steel fork suddenly pinned his hand to the table.

"What do you mean? I took time out of my busy schedule to attend this boring matchmaking event, and you're just going to press the elimination button without even talking for a few minutes?" Otae said with a forced smile, "Do you want to die, you scumbag otaku…"

"Um…" Kawaki pulled the fork out of his hand, sweating profusely as he explained, "It's just that I felt that a girl as excellent as Miss Otae participating in matchmaking with someone like me is a waste of her talents. I wanted to press the button urgently because of this consideration."

"Ara ara~" Otae suddenly brightened up, "I didn't expect Mr. Kawaki to have some self-awareness~"

Furious! A vein popped on Kawaki's forehead, [What's with this woman? Why is she so infuriating?]