Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 516: Adults are Helpless When it Comes to Kids Asking for Gifts

One day in Yoshiwara.

"How's everything? Did you finish checking?" Kawaki asked without turning his head, still busy with his game controller on the floor.

"Don't underestimate my Hyakka," Tsukuyo replied as she walked in through the door, a smoking pipe in her mouth, her arms crossed, leaning against the wall beside the door, responding faintly.

"It's been a while since I've been seriously active," Kawaki remarked sentimentally after putting down the controller and stretching, standing up with his hands tucked in his kimono. "So, let's get moving a bit today."

"It's still too early today; tomorrow isn't too late," Tsukuyo gently exhaled a puff of smoke, "Tomorrow... those four, including your target, will all gather on that street. It should... make your actions easier."

"That's true," Kawaki squinted and chuckled, "But it's quite emotional, isn't it? My nephew, whom I've barely seen since he was little, suddenly asked for a gift."

Hearing this, Tsukuyo hummed softly and walked towards the door.

The story starts a few days ago...

A few nights earlier, Kawaki suddenly received a video call request from an unknown number...

Seeing Kamui's annoyingly smug face, Kawaki in Yoshiwara didn't hesitate to hang up the video call.

"Um, Abuto, was there a problem with the communication?" Kamui asked, pointing at the large screen on a giant spaceship with Abuto beside him, "It turned to static after just one sentence."

"It's just that the other party hung up the call," Abuto replied quietly.

"Hahaha, hanging up on a video call with his cute nephew whom he hasn't seen in a long time, this man is too much," Kamui laughed.

"That... Captain, you might be misunderstanding the word 'cute'..." Abuto commented emotionlessly, "If attacking one's family members upon first sight can be called cute, then the world might as well end..."

"What are you talking about? A cute nephew like me in space is quite rare," Kamui grinned and pressed a red button on the control panel again, "At least, I think I'm much cuter than that sister on Earth who can't do anything but eat."

"That... to be honest, I don't think either of you has a place being called cute."

"It's connecting, it's connecting!" Kamui said, looking at Kawaki's annoyed face on the screen, "Hehe, long time no see, stupid uncle. Seeing your annoyed face suddenly makes me feel a lot better."

"Wait a second, I... just need a little more time..."

Kawaki's expression in the video seemed strangely serious as if he was straining over something...

Suddenly, a sound like something falling into a bucket came from the video, and then the screen went black, followed by a sound like flushing water.

A minute later...

"Phew~ Finally done, ah, thank you, Nobita." Kawaki smiled in the video, "Seeing your face made everything flow smoothly~."

A vein instantly popped on Kamui's forehead, and he lifted his umbrella and fired a shot at the large screen without hesitation.

"You know that won't hang up the video call, right?~ Poor kid, you don't know how to hang up a video call properly; it seems like you haven't learned the basics at all~."

"Don't worry, next time, I'll defeat you," Kamui squinted his eyes, smiling insincerely.

"Oh, good luck. Bye..."

"Hold on, there's one more thing," Kamui raised a finger, the ahoge on his head twitching, smiling, "I heard that stupid uncle got a birthday gift from the 20th year, so this time, I also want an 18th year birthday gift."

"Yare yare~ That's unfortunate; it just got flushed down; otherwise, I would have sent you a photo."

"Do you want to be killed by me?" Although still squinting and smiling, another vein popped on Kamui's forehead.

"So, how about tomorrow's share? Not just photos, videos are fine too."

"I want... Blackbeard who escaped from Whitebeard's ship," Kamui continued, "It should be easy for you, right? As far as I know, that Blackbeard is on Earth."

"Can I give you the butt hair of a gorilla instead? Although it's not Blackbeard, the color is almost the same."

"They say he even had plastic surgery, but I think for stupid uncle, that won't be a problem, so please. After all, such a cute nephew asking for a gift for the first time, you'll satisfy him, right?"

"No matter what, I can't just run to the next set because of a gift, so..."

"Harusame's Fourth Division Captain, Kada, ran away with the Harusame's coffers. Isn't that the same as Blackbeard, who killed his mate and ran away?" Kamui continued, "That's her name. So please take care of it."

"If it were a lollipop, maybe I could buy it for you, but such troublesome gifts, forget it, goodbye."

"Another person is looking for her; as far as I know, he's an old acquaintance of yours, stupid uncle," Kamui spoke calmly, "Although he doesn't use Three-Sword Style, he's also blind in one eye."

"You..."

"It is called Takasugi or something; he's been very active in missions for a long time since he came to Harusame. He's even stolen a lot of our work."

"Takaji still likes to work as always~."

"You should understand, right? The purpose of this man called Takasugi who's so eager to make his mark..."

"Ah, it's troublesome, but since it's a request from a not-at-all cute nephew, I just have to get up and move a bit, so, one last question: do you want the gift alive? Or... does it not matter if it's a corpse?"

"Hahaha, that's so like you; even if the opponent has a whole division, you still talk like this," Kamui laughed, "Cannon fodder doesn't matter, but it seems that she was a woman Abuto once liked, so if possible, it's better alive."

"That unkempt man?"

"No, since last time, Abuto now grooms his beard every morning. He also gets regular haircuts now."

"It seems that guy isn't hopeless after all," Kawaki slightly curled his lips, "Alright then, goodbye. The gift... leave it to me..."

As the video was about to be cut off, Kawaki grinned, showing a big white tooth, and everyone on the ship except Kamui felt a chill.

"This man... he's so scary even through the screen," Abuto said, still shaken.

"Like this?" Kamui suddenly opened his eyes, his expression becoming fierce.

"Maybe it's also terrifying, but compared to him..."

"Hahahaha, speaking of which, Abuto, we haven't sparred in a long time. Could you spar with me for a bit?"

"My stomach hurts; I need to go to the bathroom; anyone free can spar with the Captain."

Saying this, Abuto, clutching his stomach with a pained expression, turned and left.

"So, should we rest early today?" Watching Tsukuyo's retreating, Kawaki stroked his chin, pondering to himself.

...

The following day, just as dawn was breaking, at the Yorozuya.

Early riser Shinpachi, wearing a scarf and huddled up, complained about the cold weather as he climbed the stairs.

"Ah~ It's so cold, really freezing in the morning." Saying this, Shinpachi had just reached the second floor, but as he turned around, he noticed a small girl, wrapped in a blanket and curled up beside the door of the Yorozuya, deeply asleep.

The girl had orange hair, with a tuft tied up on her left forehead, resembling some sort of... ahoge. She was still snoring, with a frozen snot bubble hanging from her nose.

"Who is this kid? Drunk?" After a moment of confusion, Shinpachi crouched before the girl and kindly spoke: "Excuse me for disturbing you. If you sleep here, you might catch a cold. Sorry, but your snot bubble has frozen solid."

Just as he finished speaking, the snot bubble hanging from the girl's nose suddenly fell off, hitting the ground with a sound like a light bulb breaking.

Hearing the breaking sound, the girl suddenly opened her eyes and, without hesitation, threw off the blanket and swung her sword towards Shinpachi.

"Trouble! Someone's causing trouble!" the girl yelled.

Boom!! The girl's sword pierced the entire wall, still sheathed.

In an instant, Shinpachi, reacting, dived to the side to dodge the attack.

"What are you doing?!" Shinpachi, lying on the ground, looked up at the girl standing up, shouting with a frightened expression.

"No matter which gang you belong to, if you dare to harm my brother," the girl said, drawing her sword, "I'll make you bleed beautifully~"

"What are you talking about?! That makes no sense!" Shinpachi shouted back, spitting furiously.

However, the girl didn't seem to listen to Shinpachi's words. Without hesitation, she drew her sword, raised it above her head, and leaped at Shinpachi, ready to slash down.

"Wait, wait, wait! Wait a second!" Seeing the girl getting closer, Shinpachi yelled in panic.

Fortunately, just as the girl was about to strike, Kagura, rubbing her sleepy eyes and wearing pajamas, kicked the door open, saving Shinpachi in the nick of time.

Boom!!

"It's so noisy early in the morning..." Kagura rubbed her eyes and yawned, complaining to Shinpachi and the girl at the door.

...

Later that morning, at Otose's Snack House.

The girl, half-turned, one hand behind her back and the other stretched forward, legs slightly bent, introduced herself to Shinpachi and the others: "I am Chin Pirako, just joined the Yorozuya as an underlings. Please take care of me, Boss Otose."

Saying this, Chin Pirako stood up and solemnly apologized to Shinpachi, "I'm sorry for what happened earlier; I didn't know you were the boss's first underlings and acted rudely."

Then, Chin Pirako drew her sword and extended her left pinky, "Now, I'll take responsibility and cut off my pinky. Hmm~"

"Hey, what are you messing around for?" Gintoki, his face darkening and veins popping, grabbed Chin Pirako's hair, which resembled a tuft of ahoge, and started walking towards the door, "I'm not a gangster, nor am I planning to take underlings. Get out of here, you good-for-nothing delinquent."

(Note: In Japanese, the term 'delinquent' sounds the same as 'Chin Pirako.')

"With Big Brother, I'm sure we can become the BOSS of this dark street!" Chin Pirako, still maintaining her naturally refreshing expression while being dragged by her ahoge hair, hurriedly spoke, "Let's fall into the dark side together, Big Brother!"

"When did I say I wanted to be a Dark Knight?!" Gintoki shouted, his face full of annoyance.

(In 'Star Wars,' Jedi Darth Vader fell to the dark side due to the grief of losing loved ones and became a Sith under the Sith banner.)

"Please, I have nowhere else to go," Chin Pirako pleaded.

"What exactly is going on with that kid..." Watching Chin Pirako still pestering Gintoki, Shinpachi sarcastically commented, squinting his beady eyes.

At that moment, Otose, thinking of something, turned her head to the door and asked Chin Pirako, "You... are you from the underworld?"

Hearing this, Shinpachi and Kagura turned to look at Otose.

"I've heard," Otose crossed her arms and closed her eyes in thought, "about the Uekibachi gang, often in business disputes with the Jirochou's people, every fight features an incredibly crazy woman known as—Pirako the killer."

"Killer?! A killer?!" Gintoki suddenly became uneasy, his gaze strange as he looked at the naturally smiling Chin Pirako standing quietly, "This natural idiot?!"

"This natural idiot is an underworld assassin?!" Shinpachi exclaimed in a cold sweat.

"It's not that impressive," Chin Pirako half-turning her body, shyly replied, "I'm just very good at decorating things with flowers."

Saying this, Chin Pirako gently clasped her hands together and placed them in front of her chest, her face full of longing, "Do you know? The badder the person, the prettier the flowers they produce. Chopping and chopping, you can cut out beautiful red flowers~"

"Um, really sorry... I underestimated you by calling you a natural idiot," Shinpachi whispered, then mechanically turned around and quickly sat at the counter, keeping his head down and acting invisible.

"You said you have nowhere to go, that 'gang' or something; what happened?" Gintoki asked Chin Pirako.

"It's gone~" Chin Pirako squinted and smiled in response, "Ambushed by the Jirochou gang, now all that's left is a field of flowers."

Saying this, Chin Pirako once again became shy, while Gintoki and Shinpachi's expressions changed utterly, their foreheads darkened, sweat streaming down their faces.

"Since being picked up by the boss, I've lived according to his wishes," Chin Pirako shyly continued, "so now I don't know what to do or what I should do. But all I could do was decorate flowers, so I came here. To turn the street where Jirochou is, to turn Kabukicho into a field of red flowers~."

Hearing this, Gintoki and Shinpachi's faces were full of black lines, Shinpachi's mouth twitching continuously, while Kagura remained unresponsive.

Just like that!