Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 517: Everyone Has Their Own Cherished Things in Life!

Morning, on the streets of Kabukicho.

"Hey hey hey, the boss is coming through here!" Chin Pirako, wearing sunglasses and slinging her sword over her shoulder with a delinquent look, called out to the shops along the road as she walked.

"Don't look this way, you commoners-aru?!" Kagura, also wearing sunglasses and holding her umbrella, put on a tough facade as well.

"Who do you think you are? Idiot!"

"Who do you think you are?! Idiot!"

The two strutted ahead of Gintoki and Shinpachi, their swagger over the top.

Following behind them, Gintoki and Shinpachi had equally exasperated expressions and remained silent for a long time without saying a word.

"This is bad, really bad, Gin-san," Shinpachi whispered apprehensively as they walked. "It seems we've gotten involved with a formidable girl. She talks about turning Kabukicho into a field of flowers, but it's more like a sea of blood, isn't it? She must be planning to use Gin-san to get revenge on that Jirochou!"

Watching Chin Pirako squatting in front of a dog being walked by a passerby and starting an argument, Gintoki responded awkwardly, "It's... probably fine? Even if she's a killer, she's still a girl, and doing something scary like killing the boss..."

Before he could finish, Chin Pirako's voice suddenly came from up ahead, pointing at a nearby flower shop and calling out to Gintoki, "Big brother, look, what beautiful flowers~"

"See, she's just a normal girl who likes flowers..."

Gintoki casually remarked to Shinpachi, but just as he finished speaking, he saw Chin Pirako push up her sunglasses, squinting her eyes and giving a refreshingly sweet smile to the old lady in the flower shop, saying, "Granny, do you know what protection money is?"

"Huh?!" Kagura timely made a fierce face on the side.

"Why are you talking about something so scary with such a cheerful face?!" Gintoki grabbed Chin Pirako's ahoge, his face covered in popping veins, and hissed quietly.

"If you want to start a good gang, oppressing the commoners is essential," Chin Pirako explained with a squint and a smile. "As compensation, just act as their bodyguard."

Looking at the shop shutters being pulled down one after another on the street, Gintoki gritted his teeth and said, "Before being bodyguards, you've already scared everyone away!"

Then, Gintoki held his chest with one hand, raised a finger with the other, and closed his eyes, saying, "Listen up! If you want to join our Yorozuya gang, you must forget all the dark aspects! You're not a Dark Knight, just a normal girl! You're not Chin Pirako; from now on, you are Man Birako!"

"What kind of weird name is that?!" Shinpachi retorted frantically.

(Note: The names "Chin Pirako" and "Man Birako" have a playful undertone in Japanese, and removing the middle character 'Pira' combines to form words that mean 'male part' and 'female part.')

"I got it, so it's Man Birabirako, right?" Chin Pirako asked innocently.

"No, you have an extra "bira" in there!! Can you not do that?!" Shinpachi spat out, exasperated, "We just started the broadcast, and you're already spewing [bleep]—is that really okay?!"

(Note: 'Pira' in Japanese can mean... uh, 'flat' and also connotes sagging.)

"Hey," Kagura suddenly noticed something, turning her head and pointing at a distant cake shop, "There's a cute cake shop over there-aru. If we go there, we can definitely learn some ladylike stuff-aru, Man Birabirabirako."

"How flat do you want to be—?!" Shinpachi shouted, veins popping.

...

Chin Pirako sat at a table outside the cake shop, looking at young girls around her sipping juice and eating cake, chatting about girl stuff. Glancing at the cake in front of her and fidgeting, she shyly said, "I feel a bit embarrassed. I've never been to this kind of store before; do I stand out too much?"

"Not at all, not at all!" Gintoki, with a whole strawberry cake in front of him, ate enthusiastically with a spoon, saying, "Everything's blended together, completely melted together!"

"But you two haven't blended in at all..." Shinpachi muttered under his breath, then turned to Tsubame Tsubaki with a friendly smile, reassuring her, "Don't worry, Miss, you're just like any normal girl now, no, you're actually a very cute girl."

"Eh?" Chin Pirakoi blinked, looking up at Shinpachi.

"Forget about being part of the underworld; it's a waste," Shinpachi advised, then clenched his fist like a cat, touching his forehead and squinting in a contrived manner, "Ah, sorry, I'm rambling. What are you waiting for? Eat up, eat up. If you don't eat it, I will—"

As he spoke, Shinpachi took a fork, speared a piece of cake from in front of Chin Pirako, and popped it into his mouth.

Chin Pirako's gaze dropped to the cake missing a piece, and after a long pause, she slowly stood up, carried her cake into the shop, and placed it on the counter.

Curious about what Chin Pirako was doing, Shinpachi stood up and followed her into the cake shop.

"Cockroaches have bitten on my cake, making it too dirty to eat~" Chin Pirako told the staff with a refreshingly sweet expression, "How are you going to compensate me, idiot?"

Instantly, a vein popped on Shinpachi's face, and he grabbed Chin Pirako's ahoge, gritting his teeth, "Are you calling me the cockroach? Idiot!"

"I'm surprisingly a clean freak," Chin Pirako smiled with squinted eyes, "It has nothing to do with being part of the underworld."

"Can't you just admit it already?!" Shinpachi shouted in frustration, "Why is it that only this part of you is like a normal girl who dislikes me?!"

"Don't mind it; it can't be helped," Gintoki said casually.

"That's what I'm saying, she's just a normal girl," Kagura chimed in nonchalantly.

"Why is everyone taking her side?!" Shinpachi yelled, veins bursting, "Don't talk like all girls are part of the 'Dislike Shinpachi' faction!"

...

Meanwhile, in Yoshiwara.

"Is everything ready?" Kawaki, who had just had lunch, stretched lazily at the door to his room, looking at the assembled Hyakka ladies under Tsukuyo's command.

"Yeah, preparations are done, but now there seems to be a smarty-pants kid on that street," Tsukuyo said casually, smoking her pipe.

"That kind of thing doesn't matter," Kawaki yawned and picked up his umbrella, "It doesn't affect what we need to do. But Tsukki, am I being like a doting parent, giving up my afternoon nap time to catch some stinky fox for that brat?"

Tsukuyo turned her face away with a light snort, then said, "That little creature, now with Yorozuya."

"Haha, that's really interesting," Kawaki squinted and smiled, then stepped out the door with his umbrella over his face, revealing a sinisterly white grin, "Before catching that stinky fox, let's go see that little fox. It might be fun~"

"Whatever you like, but this time, Hyakka must ensure zero casualties; everything else you want to do is fine," Tsukuyo turned around and stepped out first.

"Yare yare, such a caring leader," Kawaki murmured softly, then looked at the Hyakka ladies in front of him, "Did you hear what I just said? Absolutely do not... die."

"Yes!" ×n

"Tsukki, should we just take over that street?" Kawaki followed Tsukuyo, casually speaking, "I heard it's a place dripping with wealth. If we take it over, could my gaming funds triple every month?"

"Can you do it?" Tsukuyo glanced at Kawaki skeptically.

"Ahaha, if it comes to a real fight with Gintoki, it's hard to say what the outcome would be, and I hear that everyone on that street is pretty formidable~" Kawaki scratched his head and chuckled, then his expression suddenly turned cold, "But I'm not at all interested in things that come too easily."

"What are you interested in?" Tsukuyo glanced at Kawaki again.

Hearing this, Kawaki squinted and smiled, making a grabbing gesture with his right hand, but just as he opened his mouth to make an 'O' shape, Tsukuyo swiftly pulled out a kunai and firmly stabbed it into his forehead.

"Kawaki-sama, this here, this here is your favorite thing!" A particularly... well-endowed Hyakka member hurried forward, knelt before Kawaki, propped up the twitching, eyes-rolling Kawaki, and buried his head in her bosom, excitedly shouting, "Kawaki-sama! Feel it carefully, your favorite thing is right here!"

"Um, Kawaki-sama seems to have fainted from suffocation," a Hyakka kindly patted her fellow sister on the shoulder, gently reminding her.

"Kawaki-sama!"

Watching her indescribable subordinates, Tsukuyo held her forehead and heavily sighed.

"Idiots... it really is contagious..."

"Who are you calling an idiot?!" Instantly reviving on the spot, Kawaki stood up, clenched his fists, and angrily shouted, "You wench!"

"Die!!"

Pfft! (Sound of a kunai stabbing into an idiot's forehead.)

Zi—! (Sound of an idiot's forehead bleeding.)

Thump! (Sound of an idiot rolling his eyes and collapsing.)

"Kawaki-sama!" ×n (Cries of the idiot subordinates.)